We've all run into them: The players that want to find every piece of loot possible. After they've searched the bodies of their fallen foes, they carefully search the dung heap for treasure, cut open the farm animals and inspect their entrails, and otherwise waste time trying to wring out every last copper coin.

Now really, we have no one to blame but ourselves. If they didn't suspect that the Spear of Longinus was hidden under that manure, they'd move on like any other self-respecting heroes would. Noooo! These guys are secretly convinced that we've come up with some incredibly devious hiding place, and if they just look long enough, they're going to find the blueprints to the Death Star stashed in the old woodcutter's shanty.

My theory is that, at some subconscious level, we actually want the players to become completely sidetracked and confused. For that reason, I'd like to present a list of (at least) 101 distracting objects that could be found in someone's pocket (or pouch). This list could have other (actually useful) applications as well. For example, say your players find a Pouch of (Not So) Useful Items. You can use this list to let them know what they pull out.

Generator here

So, without further ado, (More than) 101 Distracting Objects That Could Be In Someone's Pouch:

1. A map in a foreign language. Sure, it just tells how to find the 'Pirate Treasure', a halfway decent hotel in the run-down village of Norwath, but until they get to Norwath, they'll never know. If you're lucky, someone will try to decipher the script, roll badly, and get just enough information to REALLY confuse them.

2. A broken sword's hilt (just the hilt, OK?). It has a name inscribed upon it, the famous king Broheld, whose incredible magic sword broke when he tried to use it to remove a hangnail from the Dark Lord Zoroff. Of course, the bards don't tell it that way, but even a bard would have a hard time recognizing that this piece was crafted five years ago in a sweatshop that turns out hundreds of relics and artifacts each year.

3. A bag of 83 square copper coins from a distant foreign land. Local merchants won't accept them and the moneychanger wants 4 silver to exchange them for local currency.

4. A very sharp knife with a massive 3' long blade. The hilt tends to fall off.

5. A piece of birch bark with a list of nearly illegible names; each of the names has a number next to it. It's actually a football pool, but given the fertile imagination of paranoid players...

6. A watch clock (primitive watch) with several parts missing. It appears that it was retrieved from a shipwreck, judging by its general rusted and battered condition.

7. A ball of pale green yarn, slightly tangled.

8. A bent Iron Spike. Don't get me started about iron spikes...

9. A small statuette of a goat.

10. A breviary (small prayer book) with cryptic notations next to most of the prayers.

11. A hood, smelling faintly of turpentine.

12. Two small salted herring (not red). Each appears to have a strange and sinister symbol in the color pattern of its scales.

13. A piece of stone that appears to be flint, but which wouldn't strike a spark if you hit it with a bomb. It puts out any small fire it is dropped into.

14. A piece of exceptionally well-made vellum, entirely covered with a carefully-written list of campaign promises from a recent election. Most have already been broken and have been crossed off.

15. A small bag stuffed full of hair and fingernail clippings.

16. A wooden needle case with three broken needles in it. They appear to be magnetized if held near steel.

17. A discolored rag wrapped around an ear spoon. The rag bears the coat of arms of a nobleman that disappeared recently in the area.

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18. A bag of glass marbles, each marked with a different rune.

19. An intricately wrought key, with a tag inscribed 'Venous'.

20. Four pieces from a jigsaw puzzle. Placed together they form the jaw, one ear, and neck of an Ogrish figure.

21. A mummified finger (or other part, it can be hard to tell) with an engraved bronze ring on it.

22. A large, murky emerald. It's paste, of course.

23. A small wooden box holding small flakes similar to fish food. A strange knotwork design covers the top.

24. An origami frog, which radiates a mysterious dweomer.

25. A small, stoppered vial of ink, bearing the rune of healing on its side.

26. Two quarter slices of coconut shell, each with a small hole punched in one corner.

(more tomorrow...)

27. A well-made leather book-cover and binding, with the actual book(content) missing (makes a fun clapping noise when you 'flap' it). The empty book is entitled, 'Id and Invisibilty'.

28. A tiny wooden fish

29. A gypsum flower, obviously taken from some cave.

30. Eight purple-painted lima beans dangling on a string.

31. A thimble stuffed with hardened wax

Thanks for the additions, Muro! Here are a few more:

32. A turnip, hollowed out and filled with sawdust.

33. A curling, yard-long strip of leather, covered with small drawings of monks.

34. A leaden stylus, painted with stripes of blue and white.

35. A green glass religious medallion showing a warlike saint grasping a large fish.

36. A pair of leather boot soles with marks from having been gnawed upon. Those experimenting will discover that they don't taste that bad.

37. A collection of 18 labels from foreign cider bottles.

38. A small tin splint holder with a partially burnt splint of exotic tropical wood in it.

39. A bag of tobacco, flavored with cayenne pepper.

40. A lock of bright, strawberry-blonde hair, gathered with a white ribbon. The numeral XXII is embroidered upon the ribbon.

41. A note with the home address of one of the player characters and the notation, 'What a babe!'

42. An axe head made of some sort of stout hardwood. It won't cut wood if attached to an axe handle.

43. A very fake looking false beard and moustache.

44. A small, well-loved stuffed dragon with an enchanted pendant that loudly says 'Mooo!' when pressed.

45. A locket with a beautiful woman's portrait inside (a noble woman from 120 years ago).

46. A journal, two thirds full, of nearly illegable script. It is a spell book obviously. (Well it is, but of a slightly mad brigant who wants to appear to be a spell caster).

47. A cheap sword (will break if damage rolls well).

48. Two pouches of cheap salt.

49. A leather thong with 16 colorful glass beads.

50. A 'Gold' that has teeth marks in it (obviously forgery).

51. A common holy item

52. A small container of a salve (the salve will smooth chapped lips).

53. A small tea set made from clay, perhaps a child's toy.

54. A booklet bound in flexible wood. It appears to be a calendar written in a foreign language.

55. A large homespun sack full of... empty sacks.

56. An empty wine bottle. The label suggests it was a very fine foreign wine in an excellent vintage.

57. A pair of very thick eyeglasses. One of the lenses is cracked

58. A sketchbook full of bizzare pornography ('Can an female orc even do that?')

59. A bright red toga covered in what appear to be oil stains.

60. A finely crafted amulet made from pewter with a large blue gem in the center. The gem turns out to be glass.

61. A ritualistic dagger with an undulating blade and an engraving of a lion's head on the pommel. The blade is inscribed with the word 'SUMUHO'. It breaks very easily.

62. A medium-sized bag made of leather. Inside the bag is a wet cotton pouch. Inside that are eyeballs of varying species.

63. A packet of parchments filled with badly written poetry.

64. A cork box filled with fishing tackle.

65. a lucet (a tool used to braid cord) carved with a knotwork pattern.

66. a drop spindle (a primitive spinning tool) with a tiny garnet set in each end.

67. two pieces of oddly carved and worn soapstone (used for casting pewter madallions)

68. five bent copper fibula (early Roman safety pins)

69. a 'clipped' gold coin (shaved edges)

70. a forget-me-not pressed in a hankercheif.

71. a sprig of fresh rosemary

72. a sachet of blue powder (woad)

73. a cracked ocarina (flute-like wind instrument)

74. five sheep's knucklebones (used in a dice like game or as an oracle)

75. a rusty pair of tweezers in a wooden tube.

76. an ornately carved spruce box depicting a tailor fitting a nobleman, locked with a small fine lock. Inside are a few dozen buttons and toggles (no two are alike)

77. a 'shut the box' game, with several pieces missing

78. a set of beautifully carved 'Hound & Jackal' pieces.

79. a wax tablet and wooden stylus. The remains of a hastily 'erased ' note are still readable. (Insert favorite color herring here)

80. a scribbled and vauge map with and encoded message. The message, once decoded, reads: Meet me here on the next full moon. Following the map will lead to a very earnest young man awaiting his 'one true love'.

81. a small fabric lined box with a cross (or other holy symbol) mounted inside the lid. Inside is a small splinter of wood (or ther significant 'relic'). This is, of course, a false relic, set for sale to the naive passerby.

82. a rabbit pelt wrapped around a small cracked glass ball. On the pelt, runes of some sort are written in green and red. (a travelling 'fortune teller's' crystal ball)

83. a small silver leaf pendant. On closer inspection it splits down the center and opens into a knife.

84. four small clear vials. Each is filled with a foul smelling liquid and contains a different larva of unknown origin. (Large variety of insects, uncommon but worthless)

85. an assortment of finely faceted gems, perhaps twenty, in a variety of colors. (Cut glass / worthless {Thx Atherton the Sneak!})

86. a tied leather bundle containing : a bear claw, a wolf tooth, a raven feather, and a small painted otter skull. (talisman bag for the superstitious)

87. a torn and bloodstained pouch containing a bent corkscrew and broken lock.

88-a small tube,with a string at one end, if it is thrown into fire or lit, it explodes


90-a finger trap

91-a mousetrap that goes off on the PC's fingers

92-a box of matches

93-a small blue stone

94-an arrowhead

95-some coins that have in fact been forged

96. An intricately-decorated gilt box made of spun marzipan. Designs on the box appear to match the heraldry of a notable local churchman, but bear the cadency of an illegitimate son.

97. A battered copy of an old proclamation by the local ruler, decreeing that peasants are forbidden to wear any color but brown or black. No one remembers such a proclamation being given in the last 200 years.

98. A tobacco pipe, apparently carved from a section of some animal's fluted and twisted horn. The animal it is from cannot be determined by any local folk.

99. A pair of brightly-dyed multicolored laces that radiates necromantic magic, if tested.

100. A paint brush and three small jars of pigments. The paint colors exactly match that of the equipment used by local guardsmen.

101. A large, unfriendly frog. Once found, it will begin croaking loudly.

102. A small metal ring with half a key on it.

103. A pair of rather tattered women's underpants

104. a pretzel that is now as hard as a rock

105. A small tin of biscuit flour

106. a collapsable cup that has a very bad leak

107. a small bag of pewter men-at-arms, radiates magic. If the command word is given the small figures run around looking for 'the orks' shouting in very small high pitched voices.

108. another small bag of pewter orcs, goblins, trolls, etc that also radiate magic. If the command word is spoken they will roar and gnash their teeth in very small voices and look for the humans. if both bags are put together they will fight, each half of a matched set.

109. A brass yo-yo with a silk string

110. A stoppered vial of a fizzy brown potion that makes the drinker hyper for a while. +1 to initiative.

111. Poorly forged patents of nobility claiming a small demense in a fictious country.

112. Letter of Credit from a now defunct Banking Guild. Pity too, it's good for 1,200 pieces of gold.

113-a rough handkercheif with a single magical property. If put on itchy skin, it vibrates and scratches the itch automaticly until the itch stops, when it stops moving, only to start moving if/when the itch comes back. Long term use can cause leather-like, bleeding skin.

114-a silver fish charm

115-A very crumpled thing that turns out to be a rolled up balaclava

117. A brick.

118. A very large woman's brazziere.

119. A set of carved soapstone animals. They are very well made, but you've never seen animals that look like these.

120. A wooden binder that is filled with coins from many different countries and time periods. It must be someone's collection.

121. A waterskin filled with (presumably once alive) minnows and goldfish.

122. Twenty or so flyers. They are religious tracts condemning the local faith in favor of some new cult.

123. A small lap dulcimer with all its strings. It is badly out of tune.

124. A hat made from some furry animal's hide. You look ridiculous wearing it.

125. A physician's handbook with diagrams of skeletal, muscular, and organ systems. Nearly every page has handwritten notes on it.

126. A small tin of stamps from all over the world.

127. A small dowsing rod that finds beer instead of water.

128. A pair of socks that are enchanted to warm the wearer's feet.

129. A weighted dice that rolls the same every time.

130. An orange.

131. A recipe for shepard's pie.

132. A wishbone.

133. A confession of a terrible sin perpetrated by said dead NPC.

134. A potion that attracts flies disguised as a bottle of perfume.

135. Silver spoon bearing the coat of arms of an extinct noble line.

136. Large, red glass marble.

137. Leather pouch with 17 bent hand-forged nails.

138. Broken clay tablet with cuniform writing on it. Writing is gibberish - used for practice.

139. Leather pouch containing a very moldy apple and what might have been cheese.

140. Empty potion bottle.

141. Sharpened coin.

142. A handful of rice.

143. Large, sharp, sewing needle.

144. Bent brass gear.

145. Shrunken head.

161-A piece of skin

162-A love letter

163-A strange pigskin object that turns out to be a crude condom

164-a large nugget of fool's gold

165-A ring (non magical but the PCs might think differently)

166-A libelous pamphlet attacking a local noble

167-A ticket to the thetre that turns out to be a week out of date

168-The words of a new song

169-An empty diary

170-a handful of marbles

191. A set of wooden teeth, sized for a Halfling.

192. A flat round case containing a small amount of powdered white lead makeup and a cloth for applying it. The case is stuck closed.

193. A child's faded blue toy knight, with several pins stuck into it.

194. A lamp wick, tied into a loop.

195. A piece of paper with a drawing of an elaborate archway. An arrow is drawn pointing to the keystone.

196. A cast pewter pilgrim's token depicting a dog dancing.

197. A handful of bronze wire rings. Each has a letter stamped into it, but only about half the letters can be made out.

198. A lint brush with its bristles coming out. The bristles do not appear to be from any creature native to the region.

199. A set of two battered ivory toothpicks and a stained tooth-cleaning rag.

200. 6 hand-written calling cards tied together with a string. Each has the name of a local potter who recently began to specialize in chamber pots.

201. A folding fan with the square cut out of the middle.

202. A leather helmet cover, tooled with designs of kittens.

203-a wooden chess bishop

204-a dead woodlouse

205-a tiny,harmless, living spider

206-a nightcap

207-a religous symbol on a silver chain

208-a torch

209-two small bits of flint

210-A small Catherine Wheel

211-A handwritten Prayer to Mathom, only half finished.

212-a small notebook filled with badly written pornography

213-a map of an imaginary world

214-an obvious toy City Guards badge that looks like something that small children might wear

215-a tube of cream, if put on itchy skin, it stops the itch

216-a sandal with a hole in it

217-a small prayer book of X religion

218-a recepit for some item of low value

219-a fake dog turd

220-a magnifying glass

221. A dried pig's ear, slightly mouldy

222. A wooden figurine of a warrior wearing chainmail and armed with sword and shield. 2" tall, it is a child's toy.

223. Wrapped in leather is a large, crystal clear crystal. It is actually an unusually clear piece of rocksalt and worth no more then normal salt.

224. A very crudely wrought key, cut from some sheet metal. It is a copy of a real key.

225. A common to orcish phrasebook, but all of the entries are dangerously wrong.

226. A candle stub, possibly magical (There is about 5 minutes burn time remaining).

227. A pouch of dried crickets (A little known snackfood in these parts...)

228. An oddly shaped 2 oz blob of lead.

229. Handle from a broken teacup.

230. Odd incense that smells of dead fish when burned.

231. A small wooden box that when opened, is full of angry baby spiders.

232. A magic ring that makes the wearer seem extremely attractive and approachable to members of the same sex (or whatever sex the wearer is NOT attracted to).

233. A short sword that glows, but only when hit by sunlight.

234. A crudely made voodoo doll of one of the PCs. It doesn't do anything, but should make them paranoid for a while.

235. A really bad joke written on a small piece of parchment.

236. A live fish, still wriggling about.

237. An amulet with a pretty red gem set in the middle. If the gem is pressed, the amulet dissolves.

238. A bunch of severed fingers, each with a finger puppet over it.

239. What appears to be a treasure map. If the PCs follow it and dig at the X, they uncover a box full of teeth.

240. A small "I'm with stupid ->" badge.

241. A piece of rare and expensive cream vellum. There are a fem tic-tac-toe games scribbled on it

242. A pointed stick

243. A large bucket full of peach, avocado and nectarine pits

245. A small wooden case containing a dozen lead sling bullets of the highest quality

246.A jar of alchemically preserved chicken lips

247.A full suit of master-crafted full-plate mail armor sized for a person less than a foot tall

248.A pig-hide robe complete with a hollowed out pig's head for a hood

249.A bottl of fresh skunk-milk

250.A foot tall statuette of a monkey cast in brass

Here are a few more. Will we make it to 300?

251. A ball of very weak twine.

252. One half of a cheese and onion sandwich.

253.Two peppermints.

254. A very bent quill pen.

255. A squishy moldy peach.

256. A quiver of warped arrows. [-15% to Attack.)

257. A poorly-made dagger.

258. One bear's claw.

259. A 10-foot pole.

260. A crowbar.

261. A well-worn blanket.

262. A partly-used piece of chalk.

263. A small bag of marbles.

264. A partially-empty wineskin.

265. A handful of pretty beads.

266. A small toy cart with a broken, 3-legged horse in the traces.

267. A bent metal pan.

268. An oil lamp with about fifteen minutes of oil in it.

269. A half-used torch.

270. Several beautiful hair ribbons

271. A chess set made of bone.

272. A small mirror.

273. A cow bell.

274. A dagger with the hilt and sheath engraved with flowers and bunny rabbits.

275. A biscuit, now as hard as a rock.

276. A small 1 1/2 inch wooden carving of a chicken.

277. A wooden ladle with a broken handle.

278-A squashed dead Silverspider

279-A mouth organ

280-A small bit of quartz

281-A small picture of a pretty girl

282-A broken violin, broken in the fight to overpower it's owner

283-An urn with the ashes of a dead person inside