Divine/ Spirit
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ID: 1735


November 22, 2005, 6:08 pm

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Cheka Man

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Kitchen Gods- Modern Day Deities


In addition to the Gods listed elsewhere, there are several minor mythological beings spoken of in current Western culture and may be taken more or less seriously. These are commonly called Kitchen Gods.

The Code Fairy - Eats semicolons from source code, causing working computer software to stop working
The Grim Reaper - A common anthropomorphism of Death
Hotei - A Laughing Buddha
Invisible pink unicorn - From alt.atheism, a fictional deity said to be the bane of theists everywhere.
Lady Luck - Invoked by gamblers
Mother Nature - Manifestation of the Earth and female power
The Parking Fairy - Responsible for finding parking spaces.
Santa Claus - Originally Nicholas of Myra, but later turned into Father Christmas.
The Tooth Fairy - Fairy spirit of growing up and dental hygine.
The Traffic Light Fairy - Changes the color of traffic lights
The Gremlins (of given small objects) - The evil spirits that spirit away pens, paper clips, files, and keys.
The Holidays - The various immortal spirits that express and personify the given holidays (Cupid, Lepricahn, Easter Bunny, Spirit of Freedom, Santa Claus, and The Aging Baby, among others).

Additional Ideas (10)

Typo Demons - These are the little malicious spirits that cause typos.
Theater Gnomes - These creatures live under the rows of seats, and take or move any tools or other objects left out over night.
The Boogyman - also called the Monster Under the Bed or the Monster in the Closet. Embodiment of childhood fear of the unknown and the dark. Sometimes a good deal more real than people like to admit.
Not Me - an invisisble, often malicious spirit that does quite a bit, judging by the amount of blame laid at his feet.
Murphy - originator of "Murphy's Law" (What can go wrong WILL go wrong. Corrollary - It'll generally happen at the worst possible moment.)

2005-11-22 06:09 PM » Link: [1735#8183|text]
Actually, to note something, Murphy did not say the line he's so famed for. Murphy was an Air Force lieutenant, when they were testing jet engines. One day, one of the techs hooked up the sensors to the test pilot, but he did so pretty much backwards, ruining all the test data. As a result, Murphy is said to have commented, "If there are two ways to do something, and one will result in utter disaster, some idiot will do it that way."

Finagle later came along and condensed this to "Anything that can go wrong, will." and then instantly became victim of his own law as everyone credited it to Murphy.

2005-11-22 06:11 PM » Link: [1735#8185|text]
I didn't know that.

2005-11-22 06:11 PM » Link: [1735#8186|text]
Hah! That's hilarious!

2005-11-22 06:12 PM » Link: [1735#8187|text]
I knew a lady who had her own "kitchen god," the Turnpike Goddess. This diety supposedly watched out for her while driving along turnpikes/highways/freeways. As long as she always did the right thing--use turn signals when changing lanes, etc.--then she would arrive safely at her destination on time. One of the Turnpike Goddess's rules was that no matter how fast you drove, someone would always pass you. By failing to placate the TG, this speeding person would zoom ahead into a line at the toll booth, which would then slow down so that whomever gave proper propriations would then get into the faster lane, and be further ahead than the speedster. While the TG's abilities extended only to open roads on long-distance journeys, she could supposedly always hear what was said about her, so it was ill-advised to make fun of someone professing belief in her.

2005-11-22 07:27 PM » Link: [1735#8208|text]
One cannot forget one of the evil Kitchen Gods, the Arch-Demon Lag. Lag infects the computers of those who fail to offer up money at his temples (BestBuy, CircuitCity, computer retail outlet of choice)Anger lag and you will find your computer slowing, windows taking longer to open, games running slower and slower until you weep and gnash your teeth and tear at your breast.

2005-11-27 01:27 AM » Link: [1735#8467|text]
Hard Drive Gnomes - These miniscule illusionists and mechanics keep computer hard drives functioning, and ensure all processes and programs run as they ought. They vary in disposition and skill, and tend to become frazzled and senile in their older age. When fresh and happy, the gnomes keep a computer running smooth and fast. Gnomes that become surly for whatever reason can wreak havoc on operating systems, causing program failures, cascading errors, and malfunctioning hardware. Aging or tired gnomes function just as poorly, though not maliciously. Gnomes do not like to be overworked and it is wise to shut down a computer every now and then to grant them some rest.

2006-07-25 09:09 AM » Link: [1735#17523|text]
The Traffic Demon

A malevolent, spiteful entity whose sole existence, it seems, is to be the cause of those mysterious, inexplicable slowdowns, traffic jams, and other such events which make commuting in any large city an absolutely pain in the neck. Often seems to single out individual drivers and plague them for days at a time, then just as mysteriously turn its attention elsewhere.

Fnord, Spirit of Conspiracy

Often invoked by conspiracy theorists, Discordians, and others of similarly fringe nature, Fnord is the essence of the inexplicable when trying to explain it. Fnord is often blamed for almost anything, if a conspiracy can somehow be blamed for the event, however implausibly. Originally an innocent joke by the writers of the Principia Discordia, Fnord has taken on a dramatic life of its own in the lunatic fringe.

2007-12-27 06:41 AM » Link: [1735#33256|text]
Trillian - Spirit of Chat

Breaking down all barriers to communication, Trillian is the Spirit of True Communication. Its powers are only begining. Eventually, as Trillian grows in power, the net will facilitate a higher degree of communication.. and increase Humanities (and AIs) ability to work as one.

For now, Trillian is the spirit of chat. It inspires people to write chat programs and add ons. It can ward against Gremils and improve latency of all blessed chat programs.

2008-01-05 03:37 PM » Link: [1735#33519|text]
Done on another site:
They tended to be more serious than we.

2008-05-22 02:56 PM » Link: [1735#65596|text]
Chapstick Demons

These malevolent little cold-weather demons demand offerings of chapstick or other lip balms. If they are not appeased, they attack the lips, often until they crack and bleed.

2008-09-05 04:49 PM » Link: [1735#66993|text]

Bugster is a higher spirit of chaos. It loves to infuse complex systems and new projects, where it creates large numbers of bugs, frustrating the developing, testing and maintenance departments. Some claim it is a mere aspect of Murphy, but that is not true. Where Murphy is perfectly content to produce the same bugs or hit in the most obvious places for extra annoyance, Bugster likes to be creative, often choosing the most obscures corners for the defects to lurch from. He never repeats himself, though the bugs may be reproducible.

It is possible to attract him with the proper rituals (or numerous meetings) or lure elsewhere. To banish him is very hard.

2008-09-05 05:16 PM » Link: [1735#66997|text]

The Birds and the Bees

Common name for the spirits that watch over a child as he or she transitions into adulthood.

Davy Jones

A malignant water demon that exists only to drag sailors down to their deaths on the open ocean.


2012-10-17 01:38 PM » Link: [1735#83901|text]
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Comments ( 10 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Cheka Man
November 22, 2005, 18:16
Cheka Man
April 3, 2006, 10:36
I had severe trouble from the Arch Demon Lag yesterday, but I have no money to make a Temple Offering to him. :(
Voted Pariah
October 10, 2006, 21:36
HOLY CRAP!!! Batman forgive me for not finding this sooner.
Voted Kassil
December 27, 2007, 6:41
I have to admit, I am rather amused...
Voted Stephie
January 5, 2008, 16:29
Hilarious! I'll think on something to submit.
Voted Dossta
October 17, 2012, 13:57
Amusing, yet relevant. Now I want to play in a modern game in which the Tooth Fairy and Mother Nature are actually viable deities.
Voted valadaar
January 26, 2016, 12:27
This is fun!


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       By: Cheka Man

A potion that makes a person reveal their prejudices in public,however damaging it may be to them.

Ideas  ( Items ) | February 16, 2005 | View | UpVote 0xp

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