These are the items everyone wants on their side when a BARFIGHT! breaks out. From Wooden Stools to Glass Bottles and Whiskey to Schnapps, these items and beverages will really make you want to throw a chair next time you're in a bar.

In the Movies...
C'mon, we have all seen barfights in our favorite movies! Shanghai Noon and even Dungeons and Dragons (the movie) come to mind for me. Now you can bring it up a notch by taking items from this scroll and leaving them around the tavern.

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"Eversharp Beer Bottles"

These glass bottles are filled with a special beer that smooths the glass to a fine tip when the bottle is broken with beer still inside. The beer goes down smooth even when chugged so it is often used as a handicap beer for new chuggers. Brewed by the Wulgstor (or Weak-Stomached) Dwarves that live in the hills surrounding your local pub.

"The Tankard of Smiting"

This simple metal tankard is all dented up and slighty rusted, it gives your drink a metallic taste. In combat it functions mostly like any other tankard, except when used against a sober opponent. That's when it does double damage. The reason for this is unclear, some say a potion slipped into the sink while the barkeep was washing this one. You never know when one of these might show up!

The Barfighter's Barstool

Crafted outta the finest ironwood, and ensorcelled to withstand the greatest blows, this seat just begs to be sat on. Given a crude intelligence one day by a drunken mage, this stool rages against it's sedentary existance and seeks to create excitement, of any kind. In addition to it's rather mundane ability to take the weight of even the heaviest and toughest adventurers, this stool also can project it's feelings and thoughts into the minds of those around it, gaining more and more power as those around it become increasingly inebriated.

Pretty soon it'll be "slipping" on the booze wet floor and causing people to trip around it, and when they fall it'll project into them to make them even more angry, hoping to stir up a nice and simple brawl. However, if you manage to ply the seat with a few drinks, it'll soon turn into a blubbering wreck and tell you its life story... "I wanted to be a sword when I grew up, but NOOOO, that wizard had to make me into a stool."


- Nigh Unbreakable

- Mildly Intelligent

- Telepathic

- Slightly Animate

"Sloshy Boozedowner's Favorite Chair"

Sloshy is a young halfling mage who loves his ale.. and the rage that comes with his intoxication. Everytime Young Sloshy sits in his nice chair by the window of his favorite tavern he sits and drinks all night long. Then he gets angry, and throws his nice chair at someone, splintering it to pieces. The next morning the chair is always whole again. He might cast a meding spell on it while he sobers up in the dark on early morning or there could be greater powers at work. Who knows?

Nyarlathotep's Brew

Said to be made in hidden stills deep in the mountain caves, with equal parts blood and corn, it isn't in fact the alchohol in these bottles that make this brew famous, but the bottles themselves. Through some perverse magics, these bottles have been made so that, if they are broken in the hand's of a sentient, they cannot be dropped unless if the lifeblood of a sentient has been spilled.

Needless to say these brews are banned in any sane city, village, hamlet, thorp, or metropolis, but lone bottles have their way of finding themselves being served under other names, and with different tastes.

"The Unbreakable Table"

Sometimes encountered when someone gets tossed at a table, this one is odd, it will not break no matter how much wieght it put on it! It could just be a very strong table or magically enhanced. Most people who encounter such a table say it hurts more than a nice, soft, and flimsy table.

The Tankard Axe

Had to bring this one up from an old character. ;)

The tankard ax is at first glance a typical tankard of study dwarven design. A closer inspection reveals that the base has a stout socket with large threads inside. A bolted on cover extends from the socket to the base of the handle. The tankard axe comes with a collapsable staff that is threaded at the top to screw into the socket on the base of the tankard. A button about halfway down the staff retracts or extends the blade concealed in the handle of the tankard itself. This done via a set of small gears and strong springs. Thus a hard drinking dwarf with a penchant for bad bars can turn his trusty steel tankard and walking stick into a make-shift cudgel/axe weapon.

Obviously the Tankard Axe was inspired by the various rods and devices popular in second edition dungeons and dragons where staves and rods had activation studs, buttons, and all sorts of spring loaded whatzits.

Ol' Betsy

Back when the barkeep served in the wars, he picked up his bizarre foreign weapon: "Ol' Betsy", the repeating crossbow he keeps under the bar. This cumbersome device has a removable magazine designed to hold five bolts and a complex mechanism of springs and gears to ease the tension on the string, enabling the powerful device to be quickly cocked again after firing.

The whole bizarre contraption requires almost as much care as the bartender's handlebar moustache, so the bar's regular patrons are used to the sight of Ol' Betsy laid out on the bar while the bartender services and oils his intricate weapon.

"Purple Worm Tequila"

A sour, purple tequila with a chunk of Purple Worm in the bottom. A Purple Worm is a giant desert dwelling "worm" known for its strength-sapping poison. This exotic alchohol is considered a poison in most areas but for those who find and drink it a great buzz is to be had. It is not advisable to drink this before an important arm-wrestling match. It greatly drains its drinkers strength. Use caution, drunkards of the world.

"Keg of the Beast"

This is a very heavy keg, made of dark wood, kept behind the bar. No one is sure what is in this unlabeled keg. The barkeep is too afraid of what kind of foul brew might be lurking in this barrel. An ancient Lore Master has identified it as the Keg of the Beast. A mead packaged long ago with a live wild boar in the barrel with it. The boar has most likely died and partially melded with the mead, although once in a while patrons swear they see the keg rock a little. It is said that only a legendary hero can tap this keg and he who does so will be imbued with the strength, spirit, and wild ferocity of the boar within. In times of great need people flock from all over the lands to try to tap this keg, no one has yet succeded...

"Small bag of coins"

These are also known as stacking bags. This is a small, thin, narrow bag for coins, about the width of a man's palm, with a small drawstring. If coins are actually placed inside of it, they must be in a long stack. Other things can be kept in a stacking bag; rune coins, travel tokens, city script coins, and sometimes just Dwarven Steel Slugs.

Welcome to a fantasy set of a roll of quarters in a bar. (The mass makes the hand strike harder, but just short of a brass nuckle). It is a completely deniable "weapon". After all, you were just going to pay for some more drinks and happened to have your coin bag in your hand.

Clever Furniture

Because of a few quirks of culture and thaumageology, Antioch tends to have a large number of "corner places" that people sometimes feel themselves trapped in at night. Thus large amounts of beer are consumed and the patrons get a bit... rowdy.

To prevent damage to the furniture, stout furniture was used. Unfortunately, this allows for "stout" impromptu weapons. Furniture bolted down, minimized damage, but was impractical in many cases.

A clever Furnituresmith came up with another solution. (He is not an Impressor - a man of magical science or learning, despite popular rumor). Clever Furniture is carefully crafted furniture made of sturdy, but light parts. They are jointed so that if picked up or "stressed" in odd ways, they would disassemble. So a chair's legs will fall out if lifted up or swung (and the back will disconnect if yanked upon). A table will disconnect from its legs if a huge weight is thrust on it OR it is bumped too hard from the side.

Originally this made for flimsy furniture. However with the experience, better crafting techniques and tools (Impressor leathes) and the addition of lines that connect the various pieces together (making for easy reassembly and the inability to use a piece as a billy club), the Clever Furniture is becoming popular in more rowdy establishments.

Candle of Sobering

A thick scented candle that sobers and calms those who bask in it's glow. Works for about one table at a time, but might not affect everyone. Sometimes used secretly by Bartenders to prevent fights in their bars. They have also be purchased by men who have work in the moring, or wives who have had one-too-many and don't want their husbands to know. A nice smelling, and not very suspicious, way of sobering up, or just relaxing, a rowdy group.

Alchemy Blade

Cloudncali wrote in Unexpected Weapons

This items takes the form of a lead marble when not in use. But it has the power to turn into any type of sword that the wielder has seen,He just needs to "will it" and it will change.When it changes form it looks likes turns into liquid metal. Then it spreads into the shape of the blade the wielder wants. The only down side to this weapon is it always weights more then a normal weapon of that type would.

I think this fits here because (in my imagination) it could easily take the shape of a tankard or stein.

The Man stands up, holding a heavy metal tanlard, "Watch you tongue, or I'll cut it out," He says. Cut it? You think, with a tankard? Suddenly the tankard starts to liquefy and morph into a giant sword, the ale splashing upon the ground. Oh crap, you think this time. He smiles as if he can read your thoughts.

Fireball in a Bottle

WARNING: Hold away from face and others when opening! Use caution near oxygen.

A fine wine made from the Fire Grapes that grow on vines that sprout from cracks in hot desert rocks without logical reason. The wine is made in the manner of most others, except care much be taken when crushing the grapes because their pulpy insides expell gasses that burst into flames when exposed to air. Once bottles and properly aged, the wine is about as alchoholic as most wines, having the same effect with intense "booze burn" or face reddening. The flavor of the wine is fruity, with a little spice.

The thing that makes it suitable for this scroll is that the juices never stop slowly producing that explosive gas, the quanities are small per grape, but when you have a bottle of them liquefied and sitting for a while.. You don't want to open it too close to your face. It shoots a stream of fire when uncorked, and explodes if a burst if the bottle is shattered. It is packeged with liberal amounts of warning labels and is very popular at weddings.

Barry's Brew

This bottled beverage is noted for its glittery green glass. Barry's Brew comes shipped in straw-padded boxes. When broken, the glass fractures along even square lines, leaving few sharp edges, and nothing in a would-be brawler's hands except fragments.

Anti-brew Coffee

This decaf blend is specially formulated (chemically or alchemically depending on the setting) to break down alcohol within the body faster. This is frequently purchased at the end of a night of revelry to make the trip home easier & safer. Unfortunately, Anti-brew Coffee can do nothing to stop the effects of a hang-over. In fact, it brings it on full-force as the alcohol burns out of your system.

Available at most Smarmy House Coffee shops.

World's Worst Darts

This was intended to be a longer-lasting dartboard, one that wouldn't be chopped to bits after a few years of playing. They tried, but failed. It has many small holes pre-drilled into the very hard wood to catch & hold the darts. As the darts themselves didn't need to be sharp enough to stab the board, they were blunted, in theory making them much safer. The end result is a dartboard that deflects shots, either into an unwanted area, or bouncing off of the board completely. After years of such banging about, the darts are subtly bent, and do not throw very true. These factors combine to make for a very frustrating game. The more the shots fail, the harder the players throw them, and the angrier everyone becomes. Between loud curses shouted at the board, wild shots bounced into the crowd, and the general high frustration level, fights frequently break out. In some taverns, "Let's go play darts" has become a subtle substitute for, "Let's go outside (to fight)."

Evelyn's Ever-kept Casks

In games set in The Time Before Toilet Paper, refrigeration is lacking. This makes storage & transportation of beverages problematic, and skunky beer a common issue. As ales do not last as long as beer without cold storage, these problems are even worse for those drinks. To solve this, we have Evelyn's Ever-kept Cask. Through some strange science or magic, Evelyn designed a metal-wrapped cask that can preserve any beverage fresh & cold for an indefinite time--at least until it's tapped. The casks are refillable, but only Evelyn's brewery knows how to store drink within while keeping fresh. The casks--even if not the methods of creation & storing--have been sold for use by other breweries, making Evelyn's a more successful bottler than brewmaster.

Cue Stick of Beat-down

This is a fair pool cue. It's far from tournament quality, but is okay for a friendly game in a pub. However, this stick is rarely--if ever--used for anything friendly. The Cue Stick of Beat-down is dark & very heavy. The colour is darkest near the tip, and unevenly gets lighter towards the base. This isn't by design; this is due to it being smacked upside many heads, with grease, sweat, blood, and hair-care products smeared on the wood as a result. The wood is snakewood (Piratinera guianensis), and brass inlays decorate the handle. By this point in its existence, the Cue Stick of Beat-down is not easily screwed or unscrewed for easy assembly or disassembly, but that just means the owner has an excuse not to mess around with it, and can start swinging it at someone as soon as he walks into the bar.


Thunk big. Thunk strong. Thunk heavy. Lady all love Thunk best. Thunk made of glass.

Thunk is the name of a particular large, heavy, glass mug. It is as tall as a man's forearm is long, and weighs nearly two kilograms. For some reason, some beneficial quirk of construction, the glass does not break--or even chip--even when great force is applied. From years of being slammed down on the bar, to falling to the floor as someone passes out while holding it, Thunk has survived intact. Thunk's current bar-of-residence has a special offer. Anyone who can down Thunk in one pass is allowed to use Thunk for the evening, with refills for the price of a regular draft. He or she is also allowed to refer to themselves as Thunk, and speak as indicated in the above paragraph.

The Barfighter's Barstool Mk. II

Not all bars can afford all that Fancy Furniture, and it's a rare occasion for a wizard to imbue a barstool with sentience. It's entirely common, however, for barstools to be enchanted for nigh-unbreakable durability. Such a barstool doesn't shatter and splinter when used to teach some smarmy adventurer a rough lesson in manners.

Beautiful Brew

Also nicknamed "one night brew," and "Maloney's makeover" after the original brew master.

Fist conceived by Maloney "Pock Mark" Mckay, a rather average overweight gentleman with bad facial scarring from a childhood sickness that had much trouble finding amicable companionship for the evenings. Before long like most men, he noticed how regular booze, when fed to gals in sufficient quantities would at times change their minds about going home with him for the evening.

Unfortunately for Maloney, the amount of booze often needed for an evening on Friday night would leave him nearly broke the rest of the following week thereafter. After some careful discussion with a local illusionist and alchemist the first of his wonderful drinks was brewed, in a specially enchanted cask.

Beautiful brew, much like the names implies, makes the imbiber appear much more handsome or beautiful then normal, the sweet fruity scent of the brew working on a subtle magical level to make them more appealing as well to both genders. (Something that can cause a fair amount of brawls and embarrassment to first time drinkers of the brew depending on their persuasions) Combined with the increased self confidence only 120 proof alcohol can provide, it helped Maloney, and in time many others, to find companionship without spending a fortune.

It has also found use among those that find their remaining options for nightly companionship dwindling in appearance, and wish to at least enjoy the illusion of a night with a girl or guy more beautiful/handsome than they can possibly imagine.

Another, less spoken of use, is by instigators of bar room brawls. A few drinks before hand and their appearance is such that no one can positively identify them later as the "one who started it."

Living Tables of Security and Order

'Baldhead' Mollsen was very upset when his young son decided to abandon the safe barkeeper's career and to dedicate his life to adventuring and the studying of magic. Well, after twelve years he finally changed his mind, when he received for his birthday this couple of animated tables.

They seem to be able to smell adrenaline and violence: when things get really rough these two tables jump up and roundkick anyone who doesn't freeze.

Mollsen himself is safe with his special protection amulet, of course. And, as the tables seem to be very respectful of other furniture, his tavern hasn't seen much demolition since that birthday.

Neunhauser's Stein

This handsome but burly drinking glass was made in honor of a famed local hero of times past, one Dieter Neunhauser of Landshut, a commoner who distinguished himself in the brutal War of Cantons by discovering he held the hidden talent of battle rage like the savage berserkers of old. After the war Dieter was presented with a valuable glass stein by the town brew master for saving his two sons, the sides emblazoned with the family crest, a rampant bear protecting the town walls. Unfortunately, Dieter's berserker rage also manifested when he drank heavily, and for a war hero the drinks came fast and free. One night a particularly grim bar fight broke out and Dieter shattered it on a brawny patron's head, much to his disgrace the following morning. A traveling wizard took pity on Dieter's plight and mended the broken stein with a spell, thereafter making it glassteel so it could not be shattered again. Years went by and Dieter finally passed from this life, remembered fondly by giving his stein an honored place on a shelf behind the bar. Occasionally the glass is taken down and given to honor heroes of the day and others who have distinguished themselves.

Unfortunately, what the kind wizard who mended the stein did not know was that some of Dieter's blood remained on the stein shards, sealed forever in unbreakable glass, and together with the sympathetic hero worship associated with this lauded vessel, Dieter's restless spirit has found a way to return.

Should anyone be holding Neunhauser's Stein and be inebriated or a fight break out - or any other cause for insult or fighting should come to pass - they must resist being possessed by a mild anger which will shortly turn to berserker rage should any cause whatsoever be given for a fight. Any attacks made with Neunhauser's Stein are at no penalty, the vessel doing damage as a mace.


Upon being broken, these windows emit the loudest possible shattering sound possible, spraying shards of glass everywhere without actually hurting anyone!