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ID: 4483


September 24, 2008, 12:23 am

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Cheka Man
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Siren no Orakio

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30 Cheeses


Life is like a cheese, it starts off milk, then it curdles, and then it ages and you hope for the best.

1. Calobit White
Calobit White is a popular cheese coming from the dairylands of Calobit county in the Lairdlands. This cheese is a thick and soft white cheese that if found in large 80 pound wheels sealed in a peculiar mixture of beeswax and stone dye. The cheese tends to spoil after three to four weeks and takes on a rancid smell and very runny texture. Most people of Calobit eat this sort of cheese with large amounts of meade and bushels of honey steamed apples.

2. Denibug Black-Rind
This gourmet cheese is very hard and grates rather than slices, it also has a strange smell though the taste makes up for this. Made in hanging bladders cut from sheep’s stomach, this cheese gets it’s name from the rotting container it is aged in. Once the bladder falls, the cheese is considered ripe. What most nobles do not know is that Denibug is actually an Orcish cheese that was picked up by several local cheesemakers.

3. Kofocus Cheese
This cheese is a hard and crumbly cheese that smells vaguely of wet feet. Popular among dwarves and especially gnomes, it is made of goat’s milk and takes roughly three months to age properly. Once aged, it takes exposure to either high heat or standing water to cause the cheese to spoil. Both races favor it with hard ciders and beers, and it is the cause of the dwarves legendary halitosis.

4. Relanu Dry Cheese
This rare cheese is favored by dwarven lords and nobles, but after being aged in an ice cavern for nearly a year, the cheese is so dry that it crumbles like dust when rubbed between the fingers. They like to roll joints of meat in a crusting of the cheese dust and wash the rest down with great gulps of black stout and Old Liverbeard’s ale. This cheese is also popular among human nobles who like to use it as a pungent topping for blander meats like white boar and fish.

5. Copinudi Red Cheese
This cheese is made by the clerics of the Goddess of Love and lust, milked from the Temple’s herd and processed and aged exclusively by the temple maidens. This cheese is impregnated with essence of roses, pomegranate, and raspberry, giving it a pinkish red color and a sophisticated and sometimes sour taste. According to the clerics of the goddess, this cheese can only be appreciated when eaten off of the naked body of a comely woman.

6. Jujavelu Cheese
A semi-hard and salty cheese, Jujavelu is so popular among goblins and orcs that it is also called Goblin Cheese, which generally makes it one of the cheapest cheeses that can be purchased from a well stocked cheesemonger. Goblins generally eat the cheese with live insects such as grasshoppers and roaches and goblin made jujavelu sometimes even has crushed insects in it. Caveat emptor!

7. Harageh Aged Special
This cheese commands exorbitant prices when even a small wheel of it appears, but this is not without reason, this is a very potent and almost magical cheese. It is an age defier, eating a serving of the cheese is able to erase a year from a character’s age, amking them younger. The cheese is also imperishable, it cannot spoil or go bad, and some speculate that it cannot be digested either. After eating this hard and nasty tasting cheese, the eater is afflicted with sour stomach and chronic constipation for a month.

8. Vaxuzin Green
This brine packed cheese is made in the Vaxuziny Marshes, where almost any sort of milk is curdled with brine and blended with a variety of herbs and botanicals from the marshes. The resultant feta like cheese is soft and crumbly and depending on the seasoning, can have a variety of flavors. The most common flavor is a woodsy pickled flavor that lends itself well to smoked meats and dark lagers.

9. Duxiture Corpse Cheese
One of the less savory cheeses, Duxiture is popular among necromancers and those who deal with the dead. This cheese uses large amounts of rendered human fat as well as milk fat in the curing process. The cheese has a wet and sloughing consistancy that many liken to vomit, and the smell isnt much better. Necromancers and others who are constantly surrounded by death and the undead find that the cheese has a mellow flavor. Others find that even a taste of the cheese induces violent nausea and stomach cramps.

10. Tinydisy Pixie Cheese
This tiny cheese, rarely found in anything larger than a coin sized wheel, is considered a delicacy among delicacies. The cheese is made by pixies who steal the milk from the mouth’s of nursing infants and baby animals. This is allowed to cure wrapped in a flower petal and then is savored by the pixies when the weather is bad. The cheese has a wonderful taste, and eating a wheel fills the eater with a sense of contentment and motherly love. As can be expected, it commands an exorbitant price.

11. Rookshy Cheese
Rookshy is an uncommon cheese and an acquired taste, indeed most connisours of Rookshy were introduced to the cheese before learning what it was and how it was made. It is generally made like any common cheese, but rather than wax, the wheels are rolled in a mixture of rook guano and sawdust. This thick casing allows protects the cheese from being exposed to air, and some say that it gives the cheese it’s exquisite and mellow flavor.

12. Orightough Stout
Originally named after the explorer who brought this ogrish cheese back from the Ogre lands, it was soon known as being ‘alright and tough’ which eventually became Orightough. These cheese has a long shelf life, but is bland, hard, and is rather mealy when warm. Most consider it an emergency food, for eating after the horses and the dogs have been eaten and the only choice is Orightough or other humans. Ogres claim that Orightough goes very well with humanflesh, and oddly enough humans make it better than ogre cheesemakers.

13. Lichild Demi-Cheese
A fanciful name given to a cheese only recently redicovered. The recipe for making the cheese was found in the ruins of a lich’s lair and one of the survivors returned with the recipe and started making the cheese rather than venture back into the underground crypt again. The cheese is rather plain in texture but shines when heated and served in fondue.

14. Tidrather Plant-Cheese
Tidrather is a common druidic cheese that is rendered from the seeds of a plant rather than the flesh of an animal. The cheese is very similar in texture and color to common cheeses, but the taste is decidely ‘beany’ and it is not popular. The cheese doesnt go bad, and can be ground down to a powder and added to flour to make a stout loaf of bread or fortify a weak stew. When eaten by itself, the cheese is also oily.

15. Sirisach Hard
This cheese is one of the few true elven cheeses and as such is ripened over a period of six years at the bare minimum and can cost as much as a horse would. It has many tiny holes in it, slices easily, and goes well with fruits, light wine, and white meats. It is a good quality cheese, but the elven process for making it is only old, not superior, and with more modern applications Sirisach could be made and ripened in less than six months. this knock off, or imposter cheese is called Half-Sirisach and is derided by elves as being impatient and impulsive.

16. Ardelmath Curdle
Made of sheepsmilk and treated with a variety of secret ingredients, Ardelmath is a soft and velvety cheese. It is noticable for the purplish-green veins that run through the cheese that give the cheese it’s pungent flavor and it’s danger. The veins in the cheese are poisonous to humans and eating large amounts of Ardelmath is highly discouraged. Some are drawn to the thrill of the cheese, plus the closer one cuts to a vein, the better the cheese tastes. The philosopher Malthus of Iorod attempted to describe the taste of the vein itself after eating it. He was going to die from a strange illness and sought to add to knowledge and after swooning for several minutes he spoke ‘It tastes like…arrrrghhh’ and died.

17. Stawaright Greatcheese
Stawaright is made from the milk of celestial bison and winged buffalos and can only be gathered on rare occasions. This cheese is immaculately white and has a very pleasant and soothing flavor, and quickly fills even the most empty belly. The cheese has been purported to have healing powers and restorative properties, generally driving the price of the cheese into the area where only the landed nobility can afford it. It is frequently immitated by fraudulent cheesemongers, beware any Stawaright being sold at half price, chances are it is just a common cheese injected with a healing potion.

18. Beydard Cheese
Another of the rare Elven cheeses, Beydard is a soft and runny cheese made in small wheels and hung from the branches of their great trees. The cheese is ripened by the sun and the pollen of the trees and each wheel carries the taste of the trees and sun. It is best served with either strong red wine, or used to make luxurious sauces for exotic meats such as infernal boar, dire stoat, or the manxsome steaks of manticores. Elves seldom sell this cheese, instead giving it as gifts.

19. Waringem Shorthorn
This is a very rare cheese as it is made from the milk of minotauresses, and they only use this cheese as a way to preserve their milk for their children when winter comes and the children are still very young. The fact that humans consider the cheese to be very tasty and offer to buy it borders on offensive to the minotaurs, as do any efforts to set up creameries to make Waringem. As can be expected, minotaurs take a sour look at humans wanting to milk their cows.

20. Tassamas Gray
This cheese has less than positive origins, as it’s creation hails from the nether realms where demons delight in delicacies and exotic meals. Tassamas is created from the milk of tainted livestock, and when possible, the milk taken from nursing mothers. The cheese that is produced is a buttery soft cheese with a slightly smokey flavor that is the color of slate. The cheese radiates taint, and any food put close to it spoils rapidly. Demons consider this a good tihng since clean and wholesome food is generally repulsive to them.

21. Ghaundbur Cheese
The most famous of the halfling cheeses, Ghaundbur is a very versatile cheese, it can be served with bread and fruit, consumed with light wines or any ales, can be easily melted for dips and sauces, and is considered an all round good cheese. It is rather hard to get ahold of since halflings generally consume about 95% of what they make, and some communities consume more than they can produce and halflings tend to deal with their own before others.

22. Cooghque Fey Cheese
This cheese is considered an elfin cheese, though it is nothing of the sort. The cheese is the product of a 130 year old recipe that makes a decent cheese and mixes a mildly euphoric and hallucinogenic herb into it. When eaten, this cheese causes the eater to become very mellow and relaxed at which point they generally start to see visions, hear phantom sounds and the like. Many consider Cooghque to be the only cheese that can be eaten with absinthe.

23. Zishkal Cheese
This cheese is considered a diamond in the rough, as it is made as a common cheese, but is wrapped in a liner filled with alchemical agents and then buried at least eight feet in the earth. After a year, the cheese is dug up, rinsed, and allowed to finish aging for another year in a dry cave. Those who eat this expensive cheese find their bodies more resistant to injury, though some excessive eaters find their extremities starting to loose sensation as they become more and more durable. The effect of this cheese is of limited duration, so to keep this natural armor like ability, a constant supply will be needed.

24. Cleesthon Cheese
Made exclusivly at the Cleesthon Monastary, this cheese has been made for generations by the cheesecrafters of the monastary. Given the strict vows of chastity and celibacy, many monks go years without ever laying eyes on a woman. As such, with the monastary being built on an old holy place, the cheese has taken on an aspect of the monks. Anyone eating the cheese finds themselves aching and ready for romantic trysts with women. Impotent men will eat the cheese, ignoring the pedestrian flavor, while women who eat the cheese find it disconcerting at the very least.

25. Verunden Mushroom Cheese
This cheese is common among races that live underground. To make the cheese, milk is gathered from their available livestock and mixed with copious amounts of mushroom juice. The resultant mixture can be encouraged to curdle into a thick and syrupy cheese. The cheese itself retains a syrup liek texture, though those that have less mushroom juice tend to be more solid. The cheese is excellent for making reductions and sauces, though most underground dwellers find it just a plain runny cheese.

26. Koofhin Horse Cheese
Made from the milk of mares, this cheese is a bitter and hard cheese that is best consumed after being soaked in beer or ale. Koofhin does have a high protein content and is good for long distance rations. A border delicacy involves broiling a piece of boar loin slathered in Koofhin and arrowgrass seed. Most folk consider Koofhin to be a barbarian cheese and generally avoid it.

27. Brimorest Cheese
Found in the sprawling slums of sewers of great cities, Brimorest is made from one of the least appealing of animals, giant rats. Brood rats are raised in Brimorest where their fast breeding is used to raise meat rats, and the milk is gathered to make wheel of this rank yellow cheese. Considering the diet of the giant rats, this cheese has an unpleasant taste that can only be appreciated by the very hungry. The only dush made using this cheese involves boiling several meat rats in a stew pot and serving then resultant meaty broth with a slab of crusty bread with melted Brimorest on it. This is generally served in prisons, gaols, dungeons, and other places where real food isnt required, only calories and protein.

28. Moconi Cheese
Also known as Giant’s Cheese, this cheese is made from the milk of greatkine, cattle that are thrice the stature of common cattle. The resultant cheese is easily produced in large amounts and has a good enough flavor that it is palatable. Moconi is used to drizzle over rice, pasta, and grains for a sauce, or used as a dipping cheese. It is very soft, and spoils rather quickly.

29. Lyret Sea Cheese
This cheese is only found in northern and arctic climates as it is gathered from the teats of small to medium sized whales. The Lyret people use sea songs to placate the great mammals long enough for divers to milk them and escape. The milk is then curdled and packed in brine and ice to make a hard and brittle cheese. This very fatty cheese has a very high calorie content and can keep a man on his feet for days before his strength begins to fade from hunger.

30. Robol Cheese
this lumpy cheese is related to the bleu cheeses, and is also known as Goblin Snot Cheese since it is made by goblins and has the consistancy of a sinus infection. Robol can be cured a second time, being wrung in cheesecloth and left to age for a few weeks where it renders an edible cheese. Goblins find this processed cheese to be flat and lacking in flavor, while most humans find Robol to be both rancid and acidic.

Additional Ideas (3)

31-Thrush Cheese

An ogre delicacy,  this version of Brie has athlete's foot fungus instead of the Brie type of fungus. Orge skin is too thick and their digestive acids too strong for the fungus to hurt them, but for other races, eating it causes painful thrush and even handling it with bare hands puts spores on the fingers which can then be spread to other parts of the body.


2012-11-19 11:00 PM » Link: [4483#84267|text]

31 - Cheese of the Forest Pact

This cheese consists of a small hand-sized wheel wrapped in chestnut leaves. It is a soft deer cheese with a somewhat gooey and earthy outer rind and milder creamy center. While the flavor is complex and delicious it is only available in the fall when the druids emerge from the woods to trade with common folk and ensure the forest will remain undisturbed for another year. 

32 - Casu Marzu

Casu Marzu is considered to be a delicacy to some and spoiled food to others. Part way through ripening the top of the cheese is removed and maggots allowed to infest the cheese. As the maggots digest the cheese they deepen its flavor and give it an almost liquid texture. The cheese is then spread over bread, with live maggots wriggling and jumping off. It is best paired with a strong wine. 


2013-03-21 12:36 AM » Link: [4483#85559|text]
saw this one on Anthony Bourdain gallivanting in Sardinia... I think

2017-12-08 03:14 PM » Link: [4483#98083|text]
This cheese is supposedly made from the moon itself. this is somewhat true. Wood elves will use magic to capture moonlight and mix the resulting liquid with the milk of their herds and produce the tastiest cheese ever. Eating this cheese gives the eater the ability to see in the dark for a day per bite.

2017-12-08 11:36 AM » Link: [4483#98082|text]
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Comments ( 21 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Cheka Man
February 10, 2008, 11:34
Yum, tasty (well, some of them anyway.)
February 10, 2008, 19:43
I fixed the freetext to the Food. I linked it to the Other 30s.
Voted Siren no Orakio
February 10, 2008, 20:07
... ... ...
... ...

Well, I've been awed speechless.
February 12, 2008, 7:35
I have to second Siren's comment, I think.
February 12, 2008, 10:41
Did you mean not to vote?
Voted valadaar
February 10, 2008, 20:30
Weird and wonderful.
Voted Dozus
February 10, 2008, 22:59
Dangerously cheesy! And also oddly well-thought out. The amount of time you spent on coming up with 30 unique types of cheese both amazes, confuses, and frightens me. Well done.
February 11, 2008, 9:00
Also, call me strange, but I was expecting more cheeses made from human milk. But then, I am an odd one.
Voted Chaosmark
February 11, 2008, 23:18
Unique, and creative. Best of all, it's easy to plop down into any campaign world. A perfect 30!
Voted MoonHunter
February 12, 2008, 10:34
Did all that linkage and forgot to vote.

It is a very DnD Fantasy listing of cheeses, but still a lovely color piece for a world.
Voted punkcasher
March 10, 2009, 5:16
I am a fantasy culinary junkie. I will take another helping, please. Keep putting these out so I can snake them for my own campaign ! Thanks !
March 21, 2013, 0:49
Are you a Game of Thrones fan? Perhaps you've heard of Inn at the Crossroads.
Voted axlerowes
March 25, 2009, 19:51
excellent, I am putting this next to the beer list for this weekends game.
May 2, 2011, 8:59

i love it

Voted Phaidros
August 31, 2011, 15:04
Now I can give my players some detailed info when they ask what kind of cheese the peasants offer. Never knew I missed this titbit until I read this list. These 30 lists are terrific!
Voted Dossta
August 31, 2011, 22:27

Very, very well done.  All of the cheeses sounded at least plausible in a fantasy setting, and I enjoyed the bits you included about the misunderstood or mistaken origins of some of them.  I can't find anything to fault -- I wish you'd do another for a sci-fi setting!

December 1, 2012, 13:07
Mmmmm, whale-teat cheese
Voted PoisonAlchemist
March 21, 2013, 0:15
I love cheese. I love this submission. My players will be receiving gifts of cheese from local NPCs now.
March 21, 2013, 8:39
Casu Marzu is also best served with a strong stomach, nice addition PA
Voted Raspu10
June 26, 2013, 23:36
I laughed out loud at some of them. I expect that the Cleesthon will be in high demand, among those who have heard rumors of its' existance.

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Ideas  ( Items ) | February 15, 2011 | View | UpVote 4xp

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