This humorous short fiction piece was inspired by a late night chat with a couple gamer friends about how alien cultures would possibly interpret some of the more "colorful" aspects of our society.

The 5757h layer of the Infinite Abyss. A land of charred black metal and the stench of ever-burning flesh.

Be it a cursed artifact, an angry god, a spell gone wrong, or bad luck, these are just a taste of the strange things that might befall a character.

What do you do when your shield is more courageous than you?

One day nothing, two weeks later they had a pre-con base deployed and instead of a stagnant zone we had a category three offensive breathing down our neck, damn the bastards who came up with that monstrosity, and our own bastards for not having any of our own!

I've seen a lot of things in my time lad, six legged mechs, tanks with arms, jets that turn into mechs, but I've never seen anything like that.

Never?

Never.

One drop for a cluster of flowers, three drops for a tree, no more, no less.

'Life, what is it but a dream?' - Lewis Carroll

Some bags have more 'extra' than others.

The Voyeur's Wand was made by a jealous student of magic who had never had a girlfriend and was envious of those who were part of a loving couple, and wanted to embarass those who were.

"Are you crazy? There ain't no such thing. It's all fairy tales for the stupid and desperate. Even if it were, they all say it's cursed or something. Get back to work."

Why won't this damn torch light?

The result of a disastrous summoning accident involving a fire elemental, a pig farm, and a farmer's daughter, bacon elementals can only be described as delicious.

Being a picky eater as a vampire can be quite troublesome.

Some people have neither good nor bad luck; they instead have a certain whimsy of fate attached to them, placing them at the center of bizarre events whether they wish it or not. Joseph Random is one such individual...

30 Guards: 27.) The Conjurer
This guard likes to learn magic in his spare time. Whilst the larger spells are beyond his ability, he knows a surprisingly large number of cantrips, which provide him with amusement or make his life easier. One lets him know if the Captain, Sergeant, or the Snitch are in the area, so that he never gets caught doing anything wrong.

20. Princess of Albatrosses
Also known as the lady of bad luck, this princess breaks mirrors, spills salt, crosses the paths of black cats and every other superstition known to man. She remains perfectly safe, but the bad luck falls around her like rain. Few are willing to be around her for too long, afraid that her bad luck will rub off on them.

The wizard entered the inn, quietly activated his ring and the noise around him of chatting people, clinking glasses and munching of food fell silent. *Peace, perfect peace* thought the wizard.

Despite his great power, this mage desperately wishes that he was just average, so people would stop trying to plant axes in his back.

An incredible world of magic, adventure... And curry, for some reason.