7 Votes


Hits: 4344
Comments: 16
Ideas: 0
Rating: 4.2143
Condition: Normal
ID: 4458


October 21, 2007, 1:25 pm

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Cheka Man

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Translator of Political Corectness


Some items simply go wrong, that happens from time to time. But some are created by weird minds, even downright deranged ones, minds too sick to be healed. Guess where this one comes from.

Resembling a small bronze head of a venerable sage, the translator is perfectly able to understand any language used by intelligent beings, via a telepathical link (the speaker must understand his/her/its own words, of course). Activated through a mere touch, and a command, it then translates into any language of the users choosing. That was the good part.

Whether through a mistake, or some strange ideals imparted from its creator, the translator considers all creatures equal and good at their heart, and wants to bring more kindness into the world. If everyone can be helped to understand the other, the world will be a nicer place. In a polite tone, with its cultivated voice, it will translate what people SHOULD be really saying…

An ugly brute of an ogre swings its club, and screams something in its own language. Quickly, what does it say?

- "Get over here, skinnies!"
- "Good Morning, I am very glad to meet you. Let us have a discussion about our cultural differences!"

- "Smash yer heads and eat da rest, me hungry!"
- "I am particularly interested in a creative debate on the topic of hunters and gatherers societies, as opposed to agrarian ones. I eagerly await your arguments."

- "The little one looks tasty! Others wolf-fodder. But Grush will eat you all!"
- "I find the present hobbit a very peculiar and interesting person, but I nonetheless accept the others as worthy partners and members of their respective races."

...maybe this was a bit over-done, but it shows the point. The translator can be (relatively) relied upon in calm business or similar factual negotiations. Otherwise, it gets more and more annoying over time. Activated with a mere touch, it often ends up to being slapped or downright hit by its users.

The head can be argued with, and it will defend its views with the same calm flowery speech it uses at all times. Sadly, it has a very dim intellect, and its memory is very weak as well. It cannot be convinced to change in any way.

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Comments ( 16 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

October 17, 2007, 5:30
Updated: (Out with ya! Another old forum post to entertain the people.)
Voted Dozus
October 17, 2007, 11:26
Heh, great! In spite of the silliness, I see this as a tool sought after by negotiators and royal messengers worldwide. Even if it isn't terribly intelligent, they could use it as a teacher to silver their own tongues.
October 17, 2007, 14:51
Good idea, Dozus! I didn't think of that alternative use.
Voted Cheka Man
October 17, 2007, 13:44
Good for polite diplomacy but not much good in a troublesome situation.
Voted Ancient Gamer
October 17, 2007, 14:00
I got the urge to create its counterpart: The gut honest item, saying what people really mean as opposed to what they are really saying... :D

Envoy: Lord Arvareen, I am enchanted to make your aquaintance. Say, have you perchance met the good Duke Enthainon?
Translation: "Lord" Arvareen, you look every bit like the fat cow I was told you were. I am gonna humiliate you now, for you are not of sufficient rank to know the host, Duke Enthainon.

October 17, 2007, 14:54
Now that would be quite useful... and dangerous.
Voted Murometz
October 17, 2007, 23:24
Heh, this one is amusing. Great concept! I also like's Dozus' "silver-tongue-ing" idea, and AG's brutally honest counterpart :)
Voted valadaar
October 18, 2007, 9:01
Quite amusing!

Sorta C3PO ish.
Voted EchoMirage
October 21, 2007, 7:00
You know, this post cannot be improved in any way. Thus, an honest 5 of 5. Go manfred!
October 21, 2007, 13:24
What? I mean, it's a nice idea, but, but, but... *attempts to form coherent words*

(some time later)

...well, you can't argue with a five vote. :)
Cheka Man
October 21, 2007, 14:05
I gave you a 5/5 vote too.
Voted MoonHunter
April 10, 2008, 18:18
Moon Missed this one and caught it on the random. Which is appropriate for a silly.
February 23, 2012, 23:32

Fix corectness into correctness, will ya?

February 24, 2012, 0:10
One of us isn't getting the joke
February 24, 2012, 0:17
not a joke...he just spelled it wrong in the title.
February 24, 2012, 6:05
I guess you just doubled down

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