History
The Courageous Shield was born of the exploits of Briar Todd, warrior fool of Danamax. Being not only the King's fool, but a fearsome man at arms, Briar was unparalleled when it came to goading combatants. Dragons found themselves diving headfirst into the faces of dragon hunters, intent on skewering Briar with their claws. Men leapt over tables at him during poker. Women accused him of sleeping around.
The fool survived it all. With a laugh and a quick twist of his body, he could escape anything.
Except disease.
Verminus, soon to displace the incumbent god of pestilence, managed to fell the fool. Succumbing to boils and welts, his body ravaged by the fevers and pathogens, Briar asked for the court mage, Insuldan to attend him on his deathbed.
"Friend, I know that your nose is crooked cause I ran into that ogre so many years ago- but could you do me my last request?" Briar asked, grinning despite the pain.
Insuldan couldn't help but smile briefly. "Of course. My glasses don't slip down my nose thanks to you."
"Don't let my courage die, Insuldan. The world has to know what blind courage is like."
The wizard couldn't refuse the dying wish of his friend.
He really thought he should have, but he couldn't...
Properties
The Courageous Shield is an inconspicuous, ordinary appearing item. Upon being held, it reveals its minor magical property to the owner. The shield can resize itself from buckler to tower shield size, while still weighing the same.
During combat, the shield taunts, insults, and goads enemies. The goal of the shield is to take as much punishment as possible. To this end, the shield is indestructible to combat stress, taking blows, spells and arrows without fail. The shield greatly enhances the defensive bearing of its wielder, allowing them to survive grave situations. The shield has a variety of voices, is capable of emulating people it has heard speak, has limited ventriloquistic abilities, and tries to time its outbursts for maximum impact. The shield has opinions on matter occurring, and is entirely willing to share them, be it complimenting the King on his clashing court colors, or telling the bereaved wife at the funeral that her husband will make a lot of worms very happy. The Shield takes immense glee in combat, and will try to convince its owner to more heroic acts.
The Shield rewards heroic acts by making its wielder harder to kill in battle- the aforementioned boosted defensive capabilities it grants are increased to a large degree. Its wielder must embrace courageous action fully- they won't realize the power of the shield only by allowing themselves to be goaded into battles they don't want to fight.
Quotes, Songs, Insults, Etc
"He's hiding right here, under the stairs!"
"Boy, you're ugly."
"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"My owner likes long walks on the beach with your mother."
"That color isn't very slimming."
"Punch him! Punch him! I swear I won't block it, promise!"
"What are you, a Priest of Mathom? Hit him already!"
Songs the Shield Might Sing or Play:
Hit Me Baby One More Time (Britney Spears)
Hit me with your best shot. (Pat Benatar)
Pain (Three Days Grace)
Never Gonna Give You Up (Rick Astley)
The First Cut is the Deepest (Sheryl Crow)
Love is a Battlefield (Pat Benatar)
Umbrella (Rihana)
Walk Don't Run (The Ventures)
You're Pitiful (Weird Al)
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? Responses (17)
Hilarious.
This one made me laugh out loud. It can be easily adapted to modern campaign settings (perhaps a police riot-shield that eggs the crowd on, or a tactical kevlar shield that makes a tense situation worse), futuristic settings (how sweet would this be if the shield knew alien languages that the bearer did not!), and the good old fantasy settings.
I'd love it if this thing learned ventriloquism. Too bad that it would likely be dropped in disgust after one failed combat mission, unless players had some other reason to hold onto it.
Does the sheild start fights by insulting people in pubs in it's user's voice?
that is funny
I understand that this is intended to be in the silly category, but for me its still feels a bit unfinished as it is.
I agree. Any suggestions or ideas that you want added, will be.
*An origin story! How did it become the way it is?
*Previous users and inventive non-standard uses?
*How does the shield survive the punishment it draws to itself?
^
Suggestions. Wink wink.
I was shooting more for song suggestions :P
But I'll think about some more fluff additions.
Try some power metal songs. Inherently ostentatively heroic and kinda annoying.
I'm not sure what to make of this. It's not a bad idea, but the majority of the submission is just a playlist. The songs might be better suited to a forum thread, while the shield itself needs everything Echo suggested and maybe a little more.
Maybe have a self-heal on the shield? As well as a high level of damage reduction on the shield itself so weapons don't bite so hard?
Racial insults? Such as 'Come on you orcish moron and get what's coming to you!' 'You wimp! Is that the best you can do? My grandmother hits harder than that!'
The gift of a trickster god?
Perhaps get one character to draw the foe's attention while someone else gets around behind him to corncob him?
Obviously not a 5.0 item, as no one in their right mind is going to write a whole book or design a whole series of adventures based on this item. However, it is a fun, neat shield just the way it is. Perhaps an origin or a secondary ability or purpose could be fun, as was previously stated, but not necessarily. Thumbs up.
Probably not a good item to take it on stealth missions.
I see some merit here. However I echo EchoMirage in that it needs much more to be a full sub. I can deal with silly subs but this could be so much more.
Perhaps as Rahmir stated that it is an item of a Trickster god... perhaps a warrior/Palladin of much renown received a boon from his god in the form of a shield in which case, Loki (Enter appropriate annoying, devious and trickster type deity here.) put a hex or curse on it to taunt and annoy people who encounter said warrior/palladin.
Perhaps it will only goad those that it knows will give the wielder the most difficult of fights. Sure, it taunts and curses at a poor drunkard in a tavern and get him riled enough to step up to fight, but what the bearer of the shield doesn't realize is that the other six patrons he is drinking with find it also offensive and annoying.
Just some thoughts. I really like this however and could go to town myself on a history/ back story for this.
Update: I guess now it's past 'stub' stage.
I like this idea. Talking, annoying magic items can be a lot of fun :)
This is fantastic.