This must be some kind of joke.

0/5.

Well at least this is more than 2 sentences. But, there is nothing original in here at all...

0/5, needs massive editing

1 point for being more than twenty words long.
1 point for not being blatantly plagiarized.

-1 point for gratuitous and eXCessive spelling and caPiTaLization errors.
-1 point for being a vague and uninteresting demon.
-1 point for Opus Dei (Work of God) employing demon summoning wizards. Shame, for shame!

All in all, a -1 post.

We should make a "Baby Strolen's" for people who write on the level of first elementary school grade. There, they could post away all those Glass Heims and Arrkrashes and Phantoms.

I am voting a 1 because I think this one is serious, and it is just that bad.

Agony, could you please stop and read a few of our posts, trying to read 4 and 5 star posts. That will give you an idea on what we are looking for.

First, Opus Dei organization has no thaumaturgical element, so no spell casting there. Opus Dei would openly oppose the bringing of demons, so not a real good source of summoning.

Next: Arrkrash is a big Demon from another dimension.
Aren't they all from another dimension?

Next: His demon axe is Zhorrsj, it has demon runes on it.
Which do? It is just an Axe from Hell? Does it tap dance or play the accordian?

Next: The wizard couldnt controll him so he killed him. Since then he has been haunting the earth looking for other wizards to kill.
As a history goes, it is like saying The Entire Star War Series (all six) was. A desert kid grows up with great power, is corrupted by it, and eventually, with the help of his son, gets better. Do you see how much that is missing? Explain more please.

Next: He is suited to be the boss in the end of an campaign or something.
Why? The way you described him, he is really nothing more than a speed bump in the way of a couple adventurers. If he is THAT DANGEROUS, you need to tell us WHY!!!!

End Rant

I know how to become rich through roleplaying! I'm going to write the game "Drows and Demons" featuring assassin monks, the orphanage adventuring school and big demons from other dimensions.

Wraaararlll!

You know... you could write it up as a joke... but do it in a serious manner... then watch it become hugely successful. It would be just like Mutant Teenage Ninja Turtles was in the 80s, a parody that became hugely successful.

The abv. would be Dr&De :)

So, when do we start, gentlemen? I've wanted to write up Count Drizzt Neorine van der Kataanen anyway... this'd just give me a reason.
Just don't forget to include vampires and unicorns.

I did not do my best. But there is no need to make fun of me.
I don't think that is a good way of helping.
Besides I may not be as old as you guys. And therefore not so good at grammar and stuff. It's hard to make a good character.
And you are not exactly making it any esier.
I will try to make the NPC better.

We are not making fun of you, we are making fun in your thread. You are just one among very, very, very, very many posters who posted just about this character. Had you been alone in this, we would have been far more precise, have no fear. But for now, check out these:
... I was going to link to a zillion four line demon characters, but they have all been erased.

HEY! People! We cannot joke like this if there are no previous screw ups for people to learn from! It is completely unfair!

Anyhow:
Everyone does demons, drow and assassins you know (Though the drow has been absent lately... Too long since the last videogame featuring "Evil Drow(tm)" I guess). We have had a zillion big, bad demons posted in here. We are not trying to be bastards, we are just tired of 1337 demons :)

Hmm,Echo just gave me an idea. I think I'll do a parody on Spike from Buffy soon and post it here.

Come on guys.

At least his character is patriotic. With the blue body, red horns and eyes and all....

Hmmmm the "Patriotic Demon".Eh sounds like an oxymoron to me.

Hmmm. Could explain the current Republican Administration and Congress.

More seriously, A patriotic demon could push people from mere patriotism to nationalism. Nationalism, when taken far enough, leads to oppression (of minorities and foreigners), warfare, and less enlightened forms of government internally (oppression of citizens for the good of the country, fascism/ cronyism/ corrupt governments under the nationalist flags, etc).

NOTE: The reason this thread has not been deleted is we don't have any current bad examples left. So until we have a new replacement, this one stay.

It would be an ... interesting ... nation, where leaders are aided by 'angels' on their way to 'patriotism' - actually, demons who seem to do the biddingof the rulers and the people as a wholepush them towards intolerance, aggression, oppression, encourage them to report the errors of their neighbors, and the like, paving their way to damnation and causing untold suffering in the process.

MY GOD, NO!
A HORROR HAS BEEN RESURRECTED FROM THAT VAST HELL OF ABOMINATIONS, THE PIT OF BAD CHARACTERS!

SEND IT BACK, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SEND IT BACK!

*casts Sending Back spell*

I like Echo's idea.

CP: The more you post of it, the longer it stays. You people keep posting and bagging on bad posts and they stay around forever. If you hate it, vote a 1 and LEAVE IT ALONE!

But it is fun!

maybe if there was a pit of bad characters there might not be so many low quality posts like this. We ascribe to the Gold Standard, and refer people to look at the better ranked posts. Maybe it might be easier to point some submitters to the pit and show them what the bad posts look like.

This is a bad post but look how many responces it has generated.

Other than the red/white/blue - patriotic demon idea... most of these ideas are just taunting.

Because you all post up crap on these posts... they come up under the most popular searches (between posts and views). So when people come to the site, looking for new things, click on most popular... they get THIS! (or things just like it).

And this is such a great first impression.

Bad posts get loads of responses because people like to flame.We need a Pit of Roleplaying Hell to dump the bad stuff in.

Good idea, Bad spelling and grammar.

I am prejudiced, because I really like almost all demons/devils. Would you please put in more details?

I was almost tempted to give it a +.5 just cause he used wery instead of very ever single time. But no.

Best Magic Name of the Year:
"The enourmpus awake the greatest demon spell"

That is solid gold.

I got an enourmpus right here!

dont make me fire my fireball

Strange that the most crappy things get the most comments.I suppose that's because it's easier to be nasty online then to be nice.

Dear Agony,

I see that you have visited the site since those other responses were posted, so it is possible that you may see this comment.

I started gaming in 1977, when I was 10 years old. I was fortunate that when I was young, I was able to write articulately and the standards of what was considered a good gaming scenario were much lower than they are today. I remember many a gaming scenario that featured two-dimensional demons described in two sentences, quests that started out “The Princess has been kidnapped!” and crawls through the most unlikely dungeons imaginable. I wrote adventures that were such utter rubbish that I don’t understand why I couldn’t see that at the time.

They weren’t mocked, because we didn’t know better then. People are much more jaded these days and are very critical of these old clichés.

Everyone starts somewhere. Don’t let the discouraging response and mockery that this submission has received stop you from learning and writing more. Much of the criticism that this demon has received was because it draws upon some of the most common themes and ideas found in fantasy writing today.

I can forgive cliche - I tend in that direction from time to time, but the lack of attention paid to spelling and grammar (Again, I am no saint on that front) is somewhat less forgivable.

Update

This submission has been in the citadel for 2 years at the time of this update. Since it's inception it has served a purpose and is very well known among Citadel membership. With apologies to Agony, this submission stands as the low water mark. It has every example of being a bad submission, which have already been beaten to death in the commentary above.

This submission has been challenged a number of times (by the same member, I might add) and each time it has emerged again as the prime example of a bad submission. For lack of better language this submission will remain in the Citadel until Agony or Strolen himself decide to remove it and not a moment less.

With Agony returned to the site I hope to see him return to this submission and possibly make some of the changes that were suggested above, but I am fine with it the way it is now. Arrkrash can now be considered 'under my protection'

I am cruel. I admit it. I sometimes joke so much that people begin to cry. I have received hate mail from the wives of my players. I will not apologize.

But I hope Agony returns and shows us how it should be done. I would applaud that.

Wow! You know, guys, if you had been half as harsh on my first sub, I'd never have been back.

I agree that it was abysmally bad, but a lot of the comments were taunting or mockeries, rather than any kind of effort to encourage or mentor him. We all have to start somewhere, and I don't know of any writer who, when talking about his first efforts, doesn't say something to the effect of 'reading it now made me squirm with embarrassment'. At least he is putting something of himself on the line, which most people wouldn't dream of doing; he deserves something more than a put-down for that.

I firmly agree with Wulfhere and dark_dragon and the later posters. Agony - keep at it. Your later subs were significantly better, keep writing and improving.

I stumbled across this quite by accident while browsing the Npc section. While a useful bad example there is a certain amusement and poetry factor to the sub that is rather... Memorable

After a pause I thought of an actual application for the sub, as written, for my next fantasy game session. Seriously

Imagine the characters coming across an utterly devastated town, ruins and the remnants of bodies laying scattered about like an angry child might toss their toy soldiers in a fit of rage.

Shorty after searching the town for survivors they find a very young girl, maybe 3 or 4 standing amidst the wreckage still clutching her mothers severed hand and staring at the adventurers in shock.

When asked what happened she recounts the sub pretty much as written. How this little one knows even a fraction of the history of the demon is the twenty thousand dollar question.  (perhaps overheard by her demon worshipping parents? Or on the lips of a drunken bard who knew not what horrors he was about to call forth?)

Dealing with the creature as it continues its rampage of destruction would be the rest of the plot line. (As well having fun messing with the suspicious players who will likely entertain the notion the little girl is either the demon in disguise, or possessed by it somehow.)

A 1.5 and HOH, not because it's of outstanding quality, (obviously) but as a reminder to myself and others then even the worst example can be used to great effect by a creative GM with a little effort  to create an interesting session that would never have otherwise occurred to them.