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Rating: 4.2778
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ID: 2700


June 9, 2007, 1:12 am

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Cheka Man
Ouroboros (2x)

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P. Donkey Donque


Yeah yeah, I know the Duke. Of course I do. P. Donkey Donque travels in some high circles, jester.

As far a gnomes go, P. Donkey Donque is an enigma, an anomaly, and an oddity. While still short and having a large, bulbous nose, he has a smooth shaven face and keeps his hair cut military short. He wears some of the most expensive clothes that can be purchased and likes to wear a gnomish warsword, equivalent to a normal shortsword of human make. He refers to his sword as his ‘metal’ and warns people that if they get in his visor, a reference to a knight’s helm, they are going to get some of his metal.

P. Donkey Donque struts around as a proud as a cockerel, ignoring the fact that almost all humans are twice his size. He counters this with having a rather large entourage of fellow gnomes, halflings, and dwarves, whom he calls his Shorties. He speaks in a strange clipped accent, often abbreviating words, dropping syllabyls, and making up strange references that his entourage immediately starts apeing.

P. Donkey Donque grew up on the poor side of Gnomon Village in (insert major campaign city). Life was hard on the cobblestone streets and P. Donkey worked a variety of odd jobs. He was a courier, waited a counter for a cobbler, and was a pony groom for a while before finding his true outlet.

He could play the zither in a unique fashion, using a coin to ‘scratch’ the strings and producing an entirely different sound. It required some finesse as most attempts mostly sounded like cats be castrated. This sound became endimic to the music scene of (major campaign city) and with P. Donkey Donque treaching his style of zither scratching, he grew both in wealth and popularity.

After a decade of traveling from tavern to tavern and playing on corners, the young gnome was able to stop working the odd jobs. The popularity of the music grew as the general populace grew disenfranchised with (insert ruling govt) and embraced the ethnic music of Gnomon Village, Orcdown, and Goblin-Town.

It didnt take long for conflict to find it way into the new scene. While the older high chant bardic tradition relied on strong mentor/apprentice relationships, the new musicians were more like brothers learning at the same time. P. Donkey was given a lot of respect for his work with the zither as well as rewritting some of the high chant music into Gnomon style music. Violence came when the Orky Brothers decided that the gnomes needed to be reminded of their place and pulled swords and other weapons to show them.

A number of prominent non-human bards and musicians were killed before the Orky Brothers were apprehended by the local guard. This loss of leadership on the Orcin side of town helped P. Donkey Donque and the Gnomes establish their style of music as the dominant one in the city. Now, entertaining young guildmasters and middle to high ranking nobility, the gnomes are rolling in the high life.

They are surrounded by fans of their music, bodyguards and their brothers in music. The cognac flows freely and they gnomes now roll in large and ornate carriages adorned with their own devised heraldic devices. P. Donkey Donque’s emblem is a zither flanked by a pair of women, the one of the left holding a sword, the one of the right holding a bottle of wine/cognac.

Special Equipment
P. Donkey Donque always has the most cutting edge fashions, himself often leading the movement. Careful eyes knows that once the diminutive gnome dons a white cloak and leggings, it wont be six months before the nobility are doing the same.

He carries a concealed Gnomish Warsword, a magical sword equivalent to a short sword but enchanted to be both a moderately superior weapon, but more importantly, one that can be carried easily concealed…or painfully overlooked.

His entourage generally includes several gnomish females, several dwarven brawlers as bodyguards and two to five other gnomes of a musical inclination. Some notable names include Lil’ Bilge Rat, a wharf gnome known for her ecclectic style and high pitched voice, Flange a more violent gnome known for his pro thieve’s guild lyrics, and Piety Snood a more religious toned musician.

Roleplaying Notes
P. Donkey Donque borders on the absurb, slinging out new names an insults faster than the local mage’s guild turns out freakish monsters and magic items gone wrong. some of his lasting terms have been to refer to gullible people as ‘jesters’, referring to his face or personal space as his ‘visor’ and calling his sword his ‘metal’.

You better move out of my visor before you get some of my metal jester… - common gnomish threat.

Plot Hooks
Your…ah…noble benefactor - being loaded with gold, P. Donkey Donque is not above hiring PCs to do things for him. This could be as simple as bodyguard duty to finding things for his entertainment act. He likes big loud and flashy and thinks of one day having a dragon as part of his musical performance. This could serve in direct contrast to the scheming noblemen, hauty Bishop, or nefarious mage as a PC backer.

Too Much Color - The PCs are overwhelmed by the aggressive style and nature of the Gnomon Gnomes, used to the tinkering and often hazardous gnomes of the rural halls and holds. Thieves guild gnomes, gnome bodyguards and the like could be common, with humans ever wary of local toughs like Kneeslasher, one of P. Donkey Donque’s best enforcer goons.

Old Skool - The PC bard finds his style of music, while still magically effacious, not well recieved by the locals who have adapted to the new gnomish zither scratching style. Can the PCs adapt, or do they find more traditional grounds elsewhere?

Mo Money - The PCs have been approached about looting P. Donkey Donque and possibly offing the Gnome in a new round of non-humanoid violence. Perhaps the Orky Brothers are out of the gaol, or a new faction wants in on the scene. Where do the status conscious PCs fit in?

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Comments ( 10 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Cheka Man
May 30, 2006, 17:39
I like this a lot-5/5. This is my favourite gnome carecter.
Voted Psalmanazar
May 30, 2006, 21:01
Tee Hee. Gnomish Gangsta Rappers- brilliant. 5/5.
Voted Nap
May 31, 2006, 1:31
Very humorous read, although I probably won't be using P. Donkey Donque in my campaign (a clean shaven gnome? Fo' shizzle!).
Voted Murometz
May 31, 2006, 9:17
Lil' Bilge Rat, Flange, and Piety Snood...Priceless! I love Donque's posse. Like Nap, I probably wont be inserting the gnome rappers into my campaign, but it makes for a hysterically funny read. Love the details in this one!...Donque's emblem, his zither, his know what, maybe I will insert him after all. :D
Voted MoonHunter
May 31, 2006, 14:02
Interesting and well developed. Good dramatic points. The city has to be a stable one, where nobody is worrying about war or other crisis, so they can fret (sorry not intended pun) about music.
Voted Mourngrymn
May 31, 2006, 15:44
Desiring to vote low on this on pure principle of the rap influence it is none-the-less funny to me. Tee hee.
Voted Appaloosa
May 31, 2006, 17:17
This could have only fallen out of Scras' head.
"Oh no you didn't" ;)
November 30, 2007, 20:16
I'm gonna bust a cap up in this mofo.
Voted Ouroboros
November 30, 2007, 20:34
This had me on my back laughing my ass off - seriously! I like these humorous ones. Good work!
Voted valadaar
December 1, 2007, 7:12
Pretty darn funny Scras!


Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

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Khor are a monsterous and violent race. Within five years of being born, they grow to about half human size and are very, very inteligent. As they get older, they get larger... unfortunately they become less intelligent. After their adolecesence (about seven years), they grow to human size and are of a low human intelligence. As they age, they grow larger, slower, and stupider. Most of them end their lives 3 to 4 meters in height. Khor have been reported upto 10 meters tall, though those elder giant Khor do little but hit anything that disturbs them.

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Ideas  ( Lifeforms ) | March 25, 2004 | View | UpVote 2xp

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