Standing roughly six foot tall, the bacon elemental is a writhing mass of meat in a roughly humanoid shape, emitting the smell of frying bacon at all times, the smell as delicious as the sight is repugnant. From it drips an eternal flow of hot grease, spattering wherever it goes.
First created by accident, the bacon elemental was created when a small fire cult, having stolen away to a farmer's barn to summon their first spirit in secret was interrupted during their ritual, which was to occur as the dawnfire of the sun first spread across the sky. At the crack of dawn the daughter of the farmer who owned the barn had barged into the barn, intend on selecting a pig, with bacon on her mind. Her thoughts of bacon joined with the ritual thoughts of fire, conjuring a creature made of naught but bacon, under the effects of fire - bacon in the process of cooking. Screaming and rushing from the building, she was soon followed by the cultists, quite disappointed in their summoning, and their (in)ability to control it. Soon, it wandered off, in search of more pigs to stoke its flesh.
The essence of a tasty breakfast, the bacon elemental mostly just raids farms in search of pigs to join its writhing mass of bacon, leaving behind a trail of grease and bacon bits, though it has also been known to attack adventurers during their breakfasts. When attacked or attacking, its primary defense is to attempt to engulf the opponent inside its own greasy body, deep frying them rather rapidly, though it can also fling hot grease at attackers, and control and animate any near by bacon - commonly found in adventurer's ration packs.
Cult of Bacon Bits - Dedicated to following their bacon diety and gathering up the dropped bacon bits to be generously applied to their lunch salad. They believe the bacon elemental is immortal so welcome adventurers trying to slay it. The resulting larger bacon droppings from the battle empower them and assist their growing girth.
Grease Maids - While they are not direct followers of the bacon elemental they definitely take advantage of the elementals leftovers. Working in conjunction with the Cult of Bacon Bits, the Grease Maid's prize is the small, cooled clumps of bacon grease that gathers when the elemental frequently stands immobile. The Grease Maid's Fried Apples and Fried Potatoes made up with what they find are the favorites.
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? Responses (21)-22
Amusing with a good and plausible backstory.
What were you on Siren? This is wonderfully demented. Now I'm hungry...
He's definately on something
... and I want some of whatever it is - it's obviously good stuff
But not until after breakfast
- there's just something about the smell of frying bacon
- simply irresistable
Question: Would it be possible to eat it the death?
Gotta be worth a try.
Basic 3/5, but I'm gonna give it +1 just for silly value - so 4/5
Weeelll... you could eat it. But it's hot. Still-in-the-frying-pan hot. It might not be worth it.
4/5 for being so funny.
I read somewhere about a calzone golem. Take that, this thing and a few other food-based critters, and you could have the most unique little restaurant around.
I believe this is where the calzone golem came from: http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/oa/20010413a
Let me be perfectly honest here, at first I did not like this. I am not a very silly person when it comes to RPGs. The explanation for that might be that I have way too little time for it. So when I get around to actual gaming I can not afford to include funny material of this sort. Sigh.
But! This grew on me. Honestly.
I will give this a 3.5 for being a solid idea with a little extra and for making me hungry.
Where is my gingerbread golem? I seriously had one, but someone must have eaten it again!
The Bacon Elemental seems almost like a Bacon Demon! It clearly needs to be put to rest. :)
Sizzle, Sizzle, Pork Fat! Smite thine enemies with flaming grease! I like it.
It must be assumed that the constant grease flying off one of these elementals would cause attackers to slip and slide all around as well, as they battle the BURNING LARD!
Great stuff! I have a plan: we capture the bacon elemental, then we can chop off pieces (arms, legs, etc.) and eat them. When the elemental begins to run low, we merely feed it some pigs, which it cooks for us!
I like this elemental. God, just imagine how useful that could be...
"Goddammit, Bob, I'm hungry! Isn't this place supposed to be FARMLAND!?"
"I know, steve, but I can't find any... Pigs.... Oh, sweet Jesus."
"What?... Oh. Hey, that could xome in handy!"
"We make it follow us around, and whenever we need food? BAM! There we go."
Good stuff! I was expecting something a little different when you throw in the farmer's daughter but the Bacon Elemental is an early morning encounter everyone can enjoy.
@ Grey: I also recall a calzone golem. It was in an adventure available for download on the Wizards of the Coast website, I believe. I played in the adventure in a one session game. The highlights included being attacked by a houseload of animated objects, smashing an Imp into a woman's face, and, of course, eating the dead (but still extremely hot) Calzone Golem! It was a good one. Will link if I can find it.
Delicious, possibly a work of Culinomancy. If it is blessed by a priest does it become a kosher bacon elemental ?
Thank you for reminding me. Am linking this to The Magic of Food..
Cute. Very cute. Now would someone please pass the eggs?
When you kill it can you eat it?
"Bacon Elemental. I Summon You....TO MY MOUTH."
GET IN MY BELLY!
4/5 TOTALLY GONNA USE THIS!!! LOL
Classic bacon-y goodness