Society/ Organizations
Knowledge/Lore
Regional

3.3
5 Votes

33xp


Hits: 1954
Comments: 7
Ideas: 0
Rating: 3.3
Condition: Normal
ID: 6990

Submitted:

Updated:
September 25, 2012, 6:05 pm

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Thirty Punchlines to Dwarven Dirty Jokes

By:

Hi Ho, Hi Ho....not included

1  Where you going lad? it is your turn to work the bellows.

2  I said Mountain Hall not Mount Them All

3  Her husband looked up and said "This tastes like soap"

4  Then the Gnome says "I can't smell any gems in there but I will keep my nose in it”

5  All my spikes are flush

6  Yes that is a beard in my pants

7  Pull me a pint from Groemdigger's stout

8  Take it easy, don't forge it.

9  He ended up with a piece of blue-fairie pie

10  The mining guild member took out two wooden planks and said "all tunnels need at least two pieces of shoring before a Guild member can work"

11  Humans

12  Two days later he pulled out a diamond

13  I don't understand, I have been hammering the dagger for hours and the steel still isn't pink

14  A beard in the hand is worth two in the bush

15  She is not what she a beard to be

16  A toothpick

17  Cause the next day you piss splinters

18  That is not a arquebus but it is loaded

19  The human would ride in the boat and tip the bar maid

20  Then the male goblin says let just stay here till we out number them

21  After 59 minutes the dwarf got up to leave saying, “You said a 100 gold an hour, if I stayed another minute I would have to pay”

22  You said treat it like a masterwork sword, so I offered it to the king

23  The guild woman who usually does that part called in sick, but the Harriah will make you breakfast and Bella will take your money

24  Everyone knows Dwarves only eat once a day

25  You were supposed to look for shaved coins

26  She is just whistling while she works

27  That Gnome just spit on me!

28  Then the gold miner's daughter said "I was just following the vein"

29  The entire mining guild is working the shaft, my lord

30  I thought you wanted red meat off the bone



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Comments ( 7 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Mourngrymn
September 25, 2012, 18:43
5xp
Definitely dwarven, but not what I was expecting.
Voted Murometz
September 25, 2012, 20:04
6xp
This would be an easy 5 for me, if the jokes to the punchlines were included. Regardless, #'s 2,15,28, 29 made me laugh.
axlerowes
September 25, 2012, 20:09
1xp
Why can't you tell jokes online timing
Voted Mourngrymn
September 25, 2012, 21:25
0xp
forgot to vote
Voted Strolen
September 26, 2012, 13:23
5xp
Some I just didn't get. Others were plainly obviously. At first I didn't like it, then I accepted it, then I enjoyed it.
Voted Dossta
September 26, 2012, 13:23
5xp
Amusing in its own right. I agree with Muro that including the jokes would improve the submission, but as it is I can still bring the PCs in at the tail end of a dwarven conversation (if you'll forgive the pun).
Voted valadaar
September 28, 2012, 21:49
5xp
I actually liked that you had to fill in the jokes yourself. It made me laugh :)

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Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

Hu's Iron Ball

       By: Murometz

Hu was an ambassador of the Seventh Emperor of the Reng Dynasty. Throughout his life he traveled across many miles and lands to entreaty with neighboring kingdoms and the semi-savages who dwelled amidst the Metal Mountains.

During one such diplomatic mission, Hu was gifted a small iron marble as a gesture, by a shaman of the Kiy-Kiy tribe. Little else is known of Hu, but that marble was lost and is now somewhere out there for someone to find.

A tiny, shiny sphere, the marble has several properties. First and foremost it is a strong magnet, considerably stronger than its size and density would indicate.

Secondly, if thrown or rolled upon the ground and the command word is spoken, the iron ball will magically enlarge to either the size of an ogres's head or to that of a great globe, twelve feet in diameter. The rolling ball of either size will continue to roll or fly at the same relative speed it was when launched as a marble, and can thus cause great damage to anything in its path. The magnetic power of the ball will also magnify when enlarged.

Legends claim that the ball has been tossed from besieged castles upon attacking foes and rolled at marching armies in ages past. At the end of such rolls, the larger size globe has been known to not only crush soldiers underfoot, but to also "collect" many dozens of metallic weapons and bits of armor unto itself, appearing as an armored sphere, with swords and spears sticking out from it in all directions.

Owning this powerful marble has its drawbacks. Anyone carrying it on their person, will experience the iron ball's insidious effects after some time. The owner feels no worse for wear, but after two month's time they will suddenly awaken one morning to find that their hair has fallen out completely, their teeth loosened like baby's teeth ready to drop, and their fingernails simply shriveled and sliding off the fingers and toes. Perhaps unbeknownst to the owner at first, the iron ball also renders an owner sterile or barren by this time.

Regular clerical healing will not reverse this horrible malady. Only finding and beseeching a shaman of the Kiy-Kiy tribe to heal the iron ball's effects with their particular brand of magic, will work.

Hu's Iron Ball should be handled carefully by players and gms.

Ideas  ( Items ) | March 8, 2014 | View | UpVote 3xp


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