Humor/ Editorial
Gaming - In General
11 Votes


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Comments: 17
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Rating: 3.4091
Condition: Normal
ID: 6236


January 13, 2011, 9:32 am

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Things Are Not Always As They Seem


This humorous short fiction piece was inspired by a late night chat with a couple gamer friends about how alien cultures would possibly interpret some of the more "colorful" aspects of our society.  


Rathestha' knowledge seeker of the insectoid attack fleets salvage and repair vessel Karresh, entered the cargo bay of the cruiser with a brief nod to the guards on duty, making swift progress amongst the debris strewn across the floor towards his companion Klik'ta, who's quivering antenna expressed deep interest in a piece of the wreckage salvaged from the human vessel they had destroyed earlier on that day. 
"What is it you are examining hmm?" Rathestha' chittered, peering closely at a stack of colored paper grasped in his friends claw. 
"A dinner menu it would seem." Klikta responded hesitantly, angling the open magazine for easier viewing by them both. 
"Dinner? That's a picture of two of their females, not food!" Rathestha scoffed, waving his antenna energetically. 
"Actually if you look closer you will see that is not the case." Klik'ta responded calmly, pointing closer to the picture. "First you'll notice the lack of clothing this one is wearing compared to what is obviously see thru dining garments covering the other. Next notice how this females mouth is pressed firmly against the others body, and her tongue is extruded across the other ones skin in what is no doubt their way of tasting the meal for quality before eating begins." 
Rathestha' paused and peered closer, the lights of the cargo bay reflecting off of his multi faceted eyes as he pondered the new information. 
"Also look here," Klik'ta continued, flipping the pages of the tattered book. "You see this female here; she is applying a food paste product to the other creatures body, what Seltuthpa says is known as choke-o-late sauce." His mandibles struggled to produce the foreign word and he continued after a slight pause. "It's a sweet syrup poured over other foods to improve their flavor. No doubt this female is putting it on the other ones body before eating." 
"Most odd." Rathestha agreed, chittering softly in concern. "To eat another of your species, especially a life giver is most vile; it seems the queen was wise to have this species destroyed." 
Klik'ta nodded, tossing the well worn magazine back into the pile of salvaged goods. "As always, her knowledge is supreme beyond all doubt..."

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Comments ( 17 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Ramhir
January 13, 2011, 22:05

An interesting concept, and well-written. Two sides of the same coin - is it porno or gourmet? 

Voted Murometz
January 13, 2011, 22:55

Clever and droll. I like it!

Voted Pieh
January 13, 2011, 23:22

Ha! That was a cute read. I agree with the others. Very fun, Sil.

Voted Moonlake
January 14, 2011, 0:33

Short and sweet and funny

Voted Dossta
January 14, 2011, 13:07

A lesson to us all.

Voted EchoMirage
January 17, 2011, 5:30

I can't help myself, but I'd have welcome a more extensive sub, with more misconceptions aliens could have about us. Luckily, it is a scroll.

January 17, 2011, 7:58
Fun idea Echo, I could have expanded upon it, but I felt the humor over misconceptions would wear thin rather quickly. If anyone feels like continuing with the theme, by all means, go for it. :)
January 17, 2011, 17:39
Not necessarily the "girl-eating-girl" theme, but generally ways human behaviour could be misunderstood by various alien species.
January 17, 2011, 17:59

I remembered this panel of Off The Mark when I saw this comment. Seemed relevant.
January 17, 2011, 19:28
lol! Good one
Voted valadaar
January 25, 2011, 15:38

Heh - we could get in a lot of trouble if aliens were to judge humanity by it's porn...

Voted axlerowes
January 30, 2011, 21:33

reminds me of (in no small way) Chris Anvil's "The Trouble with Human
February 3, 2011, 12:46
That looks like a good read. I will have to check it out.
Voted MysticMoon
February 3, 2011, 12:57

Definitely entertaining. Am I reading too much into this or are the aliens unintentionally using double entendre?

February 3, 2011, 17:58
Aye, that they are, very perceptive Mystic. ;)
Voted Michael Jotne Slayer
February 22, 2011, 8:54

Well written. A solid fiction post.

Voted Kassy
May 13, 2014, 6:12
Short and very humorous Silvy :)



Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

       By: MoonHunter

Mages/ wizards and such use cards (playing cards or tarot cards) as training tools. The patterns created by certain layouts of cards are mnemonic devices to teach key elemental associations and paths. With such interesting names as the Tree of Life, Phoenix's tail, Rythm of Heart, and Balance of the sphere, there pattern represent the matrices used by magic users to focus and present power. Spell processes can be represented by a sequence of cards.

So mages will often be seen handing around hands of cards.

Wizards will have a deck of cards with them. Since cards were used to train wizards in legerdemain, Since they have cards with them, they frequently know how to use them. Guild magic users often have a knack for fancy shuffles, palming cards, and a variety of card tricks and games.

Ideas  ( Items ) | July 18, 2004 | View | UpVote 1xp

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