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Comments: 7
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Rating: 3.5
Condition: Normal
ID: 7367

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Updated:
March 29, 2014, 8:03 am

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Onyx Guardians

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Atop a nearby rise the infuriated priestess stood, taking in the unfolding scene in the

valley below. How dare these metallic, roaring, foreigners loot their temples. She offered

up a silent, vengeful prayer to her gods, may their wrath befall these intruders!

It is mid afternoon and the characters are relaxing and taking a well deserved rest from

their latest successful venture.

A pirate ship docks in town, laden with treasure and coin. The sailors begin their

carousing; paying with gold coins from some country that no one has ever heard of. They

also sell off small, strange statuettes crafted from onyx, giving one to the characters as

payment or a gift.

However, over the course of a few days the sailors seem in a panic and attempt to get

back all of the statuettes from everyone they had given them to.



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Comments ( 7 )
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Gossamer
May 28, 2013, 8:49
1xp
Feels like I'm repeating myself, it's a good plot but I would have wanted to see more.
Moonlake
May 30, 2013, 17:49
0xp
Kassy, just had an idea that floated into my head on this sub. I think what you've written so far would make a great start to the Tales of Adventure format. All you need to do now is to add the 3 possibilities on why the sailors are in a panic to get the figurines back.
Kassy
May 31, 2013, 5:53
0xp
It was pitch black and I was eaten by a Grue.

Would that be enough to expand it into a full sub?
Moonlake
May 31, 2013, 6:10
0xp
I probably got the sub name wrong, it was a Codex by Wulfhere if I remember correctly. Okay, I just did a search, the Codex is actually called Tales of the Road (Tales of Adventure is the format and I got mixed up). 

Well, usually the three scenarios will make the sub into a sufficient length since each will be an independent scenario on its own. While it is clear from your summary that these figurines came from a looted temple, I can't, for the life of me, guess the motivations for these pirates wanting the figurines back based on what was written down here so far (well, not 100% true, prob a curse or sth, but still no idea at all abt nature of the curse since you can take it so many ways) 

And I just had more thoughts on turning this into a Tale of the Road. I know this is for the world you're building and you've revealed the cause of the curse but was thinking that as it currently stands, it doesn't explicitly says that the pirates were the ones looted the temple (although very likely that it's them) so was thinking in your 3 scenarios, could possibly include whether they were the culprits and if not, how they came into contact with the culprits. 

Voted caesar193
May 31, 2013, 14:10
0xp
THE CAESARS WANTS TO KNOWS MORE!!!

Good sub. You tell everything, and hint at what is to come. Is telling the cause in the summary cheating?
Kassy
March 29, 2014, 8:03
0xp
Update: Sub re-upload. Was lost to the void.
Voted axlerowes
April 1, 2014, 11:10
0xp
For a 100 word challenge you wasted your first sentence.


There is an idea here that I would like to see expanded upon; spelling and grammar are passable.
Kassy
April 2, 2014, 10:18
0xp
Agreed. At the time however these were just to get me back into writing. If you want to add ideas to it, feel free.


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       By: MoonHunter

Magic should have side effects, both expected and unexpected - fortuitous and deplorable. Expected side effects add anticipation, while unexpected ones increase the drama of the scene. The result can be comedic or dire, it dpends on which circumstances work best for your game.

Ideas  ( System ) | February 8, 2005 | View | UpVote 1xp


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