You know I don’t do "silly" very often. However, I stumbled over this idea on another site. I was so amused, that I had to start one over here.
Here are magic items built around puns. Few would use them in a serious game, but sometimes they slip in to games. So place them here and let us chuckle at them.
So give us your tired puns, your homeless homilies, your jokes that only a gamer could love. Write them down and put them down (both in a literary and insulting way). :)
Additional Ideas (37)
This will make an appearance in a Scion game I run or maybe an Urban Fantasy Game.
Ho! Ha ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
You know this item is actually a +5 staff, that requires you to take 1d6 subdual every three attacks.
+5 vs Women and Children.
Half-plate: Can hold one sandwich, but no chips.
Hide Armour - good for stealth.
Light Shield - no need for a torch
Dust Bunnies - small magical creatures that inhabit dark places (dungeons, behind the chamberpot, under the bed, etc.). They survive by eating dirt. When they get too large, they split into two or more smaller bunnies. If struck, they explode into a cloud that causes all nearby to sneeze uncontrollably.
I've had also had Spitting Images, Roaring Acclaims, and even Rogue Waves (water elemental).
Where is Terry Pratchett when you need him?
A futuristic keyboard that randomly bestows magic blessings and curses with each key that is pressed?
A Cyberdeck of Many Things, of course.
Sir Cumvent, known for his ability to outmaneuver his opponents on the field without ever being brought to battle.
Sir Tenly, the Priest of Positive Thinking.
Sir Osis of the Liver
Sir Cumspect, the wary knight
Sir Cular, who ate rather too much.
Sir Loin of Beef.
Sir Pluss, he always gets left out.
However, his rather charming and romantic brother Sir Duce, you may be better acquainted with.
Their cousin Sir Fary, seems to be perpetually off hunting.
Sir Not Appearing in the Adventure, who is always mentioned, but never around.
Queen Aurala of Aundair recently knighted the most sucessful agent of her majesty's espionage service: Sir Veillance.
Hilda Thunderaxe vowed to remain single and often ridiculed couples as they left the local chapel. She was one Critical Miss!
The knight who spent his entire career fighting orcs....
Sir Cumcision - because there's no end to those pricks.
A wherewolf item, of course.
Rod of Vecna
+10 Charisma when dealing with female lichs, +5 with necromancers, and +1 vs all females.
A bow of fine make, this rather colourful weapon pierces holes in the clouds themselves.
Property: +2 Dexterity, +2 Kinsey.
Power * Daily. Fire an arrow into the sky to produce a downpour lasting ten minutes.
It is called, the Rain Bow
Well. Anything from Piers Anthony's Xanth would qualify.
*the party, having lost the trail of the bandit lord Gravus, enters a way station in an ice-choked and windswept mountain pass*
"Holy sh*t. Wouldn't you know it. There's Plotti McPlothoek. Plotti you ol' seadog, what brings you here?"
"Yarr, me vessel was blown of course and I set in here for repairs."
"Blown of course. That's for sure. That's some hell of a course error that put you here... in the mountains."
"Well, err... the wind... umm... maps..."
"Guys just let it go otherwise Yorkus will go and sulk in the bathroom until we leave."
This ring cannot be seen
Ring of Invulnerability
This ring cannot be damaged
Ring of Indivisibility
The wearer is immune to having his/her head or limbs removed
Horn of Call: those listening to the Horn, and especially the one blowing it, will feel the Call of Nature.
Bracers of Armor - The people who hold your armor still while you put it on.
Ring of Friend Shield - A loop on the back of your buddy's shirt.
Elven Chain - When all those hippies link hands and stand in front of a tree trying to prevent humans from chopping it down.
Nine Lives Stealer - Another way to skin the cat.
The One Ring - What you get when you call Neo's cell phone.
Sir Taine d'Eath - 'cos all my previous characters kept getting killed
Sir Tified, he who makes sure everything is "just so" and legal.
Sir Tain, he who is never wrong
Sir FFe, he is always at the ocean side
Sir Urch, he is who is always questing for something, no matter how trivial.
Sir Lee, he who is always angry or grumpy
And an item
The Great Sword
This average sized sword is magically glamoured to make everyone think it is a wonderful weapon, the best ever. The weapon itself is merely medicore.
Ring of Protection: It must be unrolled before use. No, it doesn't go on your finger.
Deck of cards--conjuration (with a 1% chance that this is also a magical deck--this card is how these things reproduce)
Amulet of Cleavage: This medallion consists of a silver oval highly polished to a mirror finish. Engraved into the center is an arrow, pointing upward. When noticed, the Amulet of Cleavage reflects the viewer's eyes back at him (and also possibly the sun). Accompanied by the arrow, this is a not-so-subtle reminder that the wearer's eyes are a bit further north. Some of these devices have an inscription beneath the arrow: "Hey! Look up here!"
Giant Strength Belt: It adds one level to the wearer's Strength attribute. The drawback: it's huge, twelve feet wide and over a ton of leather. It's long enough to span a river.
Once activated, presumably the wearer is about to be hit with some awful spell, a voice comes from the ring saying "Turning, t u r n i n g. Turning."
This could have useful applications, as a "Radar detector for incomming magic"
And if you don't get the joke, Spell the word Turning. T-U-R-N-I-N-G. Tee, Yoo, Arr, Enn, Eye, Enn, Jee. Think spelling bee. Understand now?
Not Sir Eggbert de Verre, however. Certainly, he will hunt down necromancers and dark warlords wherever he finds them, but takes pains not to harm their undead servants. He loathes dark magic as much as any of his comrades in arms, but for a slightly different reason- the rights of the formerly-unliving themselves.
Why, he asks, should one be forced to serve as cannon-fodder in the army of some upstart Dark Lord, or condemned to guard the tomb of some ancient king for all eternity, simply because one's rotting corpse was hauled up from the grave for that very purpose by the darkest workings of the void? Why shouldn't the unconventionally-resuscitated be left free to live out their lives undisturbed by both the cruelties of dark tyrants and the overabundant zeal of adventurers?
An unorthodox approach? Certainly. But what else would one expect from the Knight of the Living Dead?
That was funny.
The GM is said to have barely survived the actualy melee that occured after.
Not only they wonderfully illustrated, they provide +5 armor protection. The cost is either an easy payment of 19.99 each month (for the rest of your life) or your soul.
The ring is a normal ring with a small bell like mark on the outer band. When a bell rings out in the area, the ring will vibrate. (This is great for deaf monastic/ scholarly types who need to hear bells to get to prayer/ class).
The ring will also vibrate when it is within a short distance of a bell, even if the bell is "at rest".
Either way, The ring will continue to vibrate until touched with a copper piece.
A bell's toll for thee
It's pretty flexible, you could probably bend it into a square or triangle.
Horn of Blasting -
Dynamite attached to a visor.
Mind Flair -
A pin or brooch that telepathically displays all of your eclectic and witty thoughts for everyone to hear.