16 Votes


Hits: 7595
Comments: 16
Ideas: 0
Rating: 3.6875
Condition: Normal
ID: 2947


August 16, 2006, 5:31 pm

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If you sit down for a drink of Timewine, be careful to remember just how many drinks you have consumed, or it might turn around and club you on the head when you least expect it.

Full Item Description

Unless properly labeled, a bottle of Timewine looks like other *normal* wines It comes in both red and white varities. It has much the same effect as other wines too, with one important difference. The effects kick in several hours after it is drunk.

On the northern coast of Vallermoore in one of the bays was one of the world’s only monasteries of Mathom, with no less then eight Priests, a huge number to be gathered together. They supported themselves through growing crops, donations (which were few) and the favour of their God. Debt collecters, for example, could never quite get around to moving against them. It was not that anyone was in any way scared of them or their tiresome God. It was that something more important allways turned up, or there was some war or disaster that needed to be sorted out.

All the same, the monks knew that they had to sooner or later get their debts paid or even their God would not protect them any longer, so they started growing grapes and making wine. They tested the first barrel themselves and at first thought it was a failure, so drank more-and a few hours later they got roaring drunk and then came down with hangovers.

When it was properly labeled their wine was a roaring success. People could drink it before going into alcohol-free areas and if they timed it right it would be undetectable. People could drink at work and not need to go to the pub in the evening. It also had far darker uses. In the wrong hands it could be used to humilate or even, in rare cases, to kill a person, whilst it was easy to accidently overdose on.

When the news reached Queen Amber she decided to outlaw it but ran into all sorts of problems. First her newly-summoned Parliment refused to do so, holding out for more power. When she rammed the issue down their throats a fire broke out in the Court of Chancellory where the new laws were written. Noone was hurt or killed but all the paper got burnt and it took weeks to get more together. Then a war nearly broke out with Karnival over a border dispute,and when that was sorted out, three copies of the decree were sent to the local Sheriffs of the area.

One was caught in a gust of wind and ended up in the sea. One was used by the bearer to wipe his buttom with when he got *the runs* on a busy road, and the third was eaten by a donkey.

It was a long while before the Queen found out and redoubled her efforts to stop the problem at source, finally getting the decree to the Sheriffs. The Sheriffs protested that they had all sorts of other things to do, rather then raid a sacred place of Mathom, but at last the action was taken. By that time however there were several barrels out there.Nowdays, it is far less common then normal, but there are still a few barrels and bottles of Timewine around in out-of-the-way places.

The monks paid ther debts and became quite rich, and they managed to delay the case, (or maybe their God delayed it) until the statuate of limitations ran out and they were all set free.

Magic/Cursed Properties

It’s much like normal alcohol-one drink will be nice, a second might make a person typsy, and so on. It is not very good as a murder weapon because a lot needs to be taken to cause death, but it can be used to induce delayed action drunkenness. The one big difference between it and normal alcohol is that it is several hours (betwwen 2 and 6) before the effects kick in. It does not have a strong taste so is easy to slip into other drinks.

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Comments ( 16 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Pariah
August 16, 2006, 17:45
It actually makes sense in that weird sort of way. Cool.
Voted Dozus
August 16, 2006, 17:56
Neat idea.
Voted MoonHunter
August 16, 2006, 18:23
Only voted
Voted Murometz
August 16, 2006, 23:39
I actually very much like the concept. So much fun can be had with this stuff! Delayed Reaction Booze.
Voted manfred
August 17, 2006, 4:09
Heh. "Mathom's Juice" at its finest. Entertaining and logical at the same time.

Mixed with ordinary wine, the drinker is still feeling fine after drinking some, and later having more normal alcohol will combine to massive consequences... knocking him out, or damaging his health seriously.

All praise Mathom.
Voted Maggot
August 17, 2006, 8:00
Only voted
Voted Dragon Lord
August 17, 2006, 8:55
So the normal reaction is delayed by a few hours because, I assume, the body just can’t seem to get around to being drunk – the power of Mathom at work I guess

No that appeals to my sense of the silly

Very good – 4/5
Voted Ancient Gamer
August 17, 2006, 14:14
What can I say? You got original ideas Cheka! Kudos!
Voted Siren no Orakio
August 19, 2006, 13:07
This is pretty cool. I give it an... Ooh! Shiney!
Voted CaptainPenguin
August 19, 2006, 20:03
Only voted
Voted B9anders
August 20, 2006, 9:22
Funny writeup with a concept that actually has some very funny/nasty uses.
Voted valadaar
August 21, 2006, 20:24
Only voted
Voted Chaosmark
October 14, 2006, 1:22
Well, at first it doesn't quite make total sense, but when you think about why it would be a delayed reaction, it all makes sense. Good job!
Voted Ria Hawk
September 11, 2007, 22:33
Nice. Mathom strikes again. Neat idea with some definite potential, I like.
Voted Roack
February 10, 2012, 10:58

Delayed alcohol? I like the idea that I could drink a few glasses before bed after a serious bender and wake up having already had some hair of the dog.

Voted axlerowes
March 30, 2014, 9:00
First of all great item for problem solving PCs and a great plot device for stories with a farce or comedy bent. I can't believe nobody thought of it sooner! I also like the way you took an item and integrated into your world. Thanks,

*lies on the floor in the utmost humility*

Please forgive me for pointing this out, but 'varieties' is spelled wrong in the first paragraph.

Link Backs

Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

Hu's Iron Ball

       By: Murometz

Hu was an ambassador of the Seventh Emperor of the Reng Dynasty. Throughout his life he traveled across many miles and lands to entreaty with neighboring kingdoms and the semi-savages who dwelled amidst the Metal Mountains.

During one such diplomatic mission, Hu was gifted a small iron marble as a gesture, by a shaman of the Kiy-Kiy tribe. Little else is known of Hu, but that marble was lost and is now somewhere out there for someone to find.

A tiny, shiny sphere, the marble has several properties. First and foremost it is a strong magnet, considerably stronger than its size and density would indicate.

Secondly, if thrown or rolled upon the ground and the command word is spoken, the iron ball will magically enlarge to either the size of an ogres's head or to that of a great globe, twelve feet in diameter. The rolling ball of either size will continue to roll or fly at the same relative speed it was when launched as a marble, and can thus cause great damage to anything in its path. The magnetic power of the ball will also magnify when enlarged.

Legends claim that the ball has been tossed from besieged castles upon attacking foes and rolled at marching armies in ages past. At the end of such rolls, the larger size globe has been known to not only crush soldiers underfoot, but to also "collect" many dozens of metallic weapons and bits of armor unto itself, appearing as an armored sphere, with swords and spears sticking out from it in all directions.

Owning this powerful marble has its drawbacks. Anyone carrying it on their person, will experience the iron ball's insidious effects after some time. The owner feels no worse for wear, but after two month's time they will suddenly awaken one morning to find that their hair has fallen out completely, their teeth loosened like baby's teeth ready to drop, and their fingernails simply shriveled and sliding off the fingers and toes. Perhaps unbeknownst to the owner at first, the iron ball also renders an owner sterile or barren by this time.

Regular clerical healing will not reverse this horrible malady. Only finding and beseeching a shaman of the Kiy-Kiy tribe to heal the iron ball's effects with their particular brand of magic, will work.

Hu's Iron Ball should be handled carefully by players and gms.

Ideas  ( Items ) | March 8, 2014 | View | UpVote 3xp

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