13 Votes


Hits: 7106
Comments: 16
Ideas: 0
Rating: 4
Condition: Normal
ID: 2150


January 13, 2006, 10:21 am

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Cheka Man

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Cloak of Sweet Devotion


“Once a tiny thread, woven with a heart so true…now a cloak that will to its wearer bond.”

Full Item Description  
A full length cloak, navy blue in color with an intricate leaf pattern stitched in gold around the edges with a simple brass clasp at the collar.  On rare occasions, the cloak will reveal the image of a couple entwined in a gentle embrace woven into the fabric.  
Kara was just a young peasant girl until a local landed lady discovered her wonderful weaving talents and took her into her household.  She was one of her mistress’ favorite companions and they spent much time together creating lovely tapestries and fabrics. 
Kara was a very pretty girl, but very shy.  One day the lady’s son, Dovan, came to the room where Kara was working with her mistress on a new creation.  Upon seeing him, Kara knew that he was to be the one love of her life.  For months she watched him and learned as much as she could about him, but always from afar.    
Dovan finally noticed Kara, but there time together was to be very short.  The horrible news of war came to the household one bright, sunny day.  Dovan was summoned to join the forces within a fortnight.  Comforting his distraught mother took much of Dovan’s time and Kara was left alone with her weaving.  
Kara was heart-broken that Dovan was leaving and she wished to give him something that would remind his of her.  She began to weave fabric for a cloak for her beloved. As she wove, her tears of love landed on the fabric, embedding themselves into each tiny thread. With each pass of the shuttle she wove more of her heart into this most precious cloth. Kara was unable to sleep until she finished the cloak the night before Dovan’s dreaded departure, and then her sleep was disturbed by horrible nightmares of war.  
Kara woke early in the morning of that dreadful day in hopes of having a little time with her beloved, for she feared he would never return.  His mother had already risen and there was no chance for the young lovers to even have a moment alone.  In desperation, Kara offered to help pack the young master’s things.  She wrapped the cloak with loving care and packed it amongst his belongings.  
Dovan departed without a farewell from his beloved.  Upon his first night’s rest, he discovered his sweet Kara’s gift.  He put on the cloak that enfolded him in warmth and love as Kara would have herself. 
Dovan did not realize the full scope of this gift of love until his first battle.  Dovan was engaged in battle with a very capable soldier and was unaware of the enemy who had come upon him from behind.  The enemy did not hesitate as he struck a killing blow, but was astonished as his blade seemed to slide right off the cloak.  He struck again, and again the blade slid right off.  The enemy reached out to feel the cloak expecting something solid or at least slick, but it was woolen to the touch.  One of Dovan’s companions had seen what happened but was not as fascinated by the cloak’s ability, and the enemy had no time to regret his inquisitive nature.
When the battle was finally over and Dovan and his companions were enjoying a simple meal, Dovan heard the story of the cloak’s unique protection.  Dovan told his comrades of the cloak’s creator, of it’s unusual warmth and softness.  He kept to himself the knowledge that it needed to be well away from his arms as he fought.  
Unknown to Dovan, a mercenary was among those around the fire.  He bided his time, waiting for Dovan to removed his cloak. One night his patience was rewarded, or so he thought.  He murdered Dovan in his sleep and slipped away with the cloak.  When the thief attempted to don the cloak, it pricked at his skin as if thorns had been woven into the fabric.  It seemed very heavy to the murderer and seemed to tangle about his legs as he tried to walk.  Afraid of what this enchanted cloak might do next, the murderer tossed it aside to await a new owner.  
Magic/Cursed Properties  
The Cloak of Sweet Devotion shows little sign of wear and will enfold the wearer with a devoted heart with more warmth and protection than the average cloak.  In battle it will protect the wearer from any rear assaults, strangely deflecting blows as if it were made of a slick solid material. The one wearing it must remember to keep it away from his arms when in battle for it tends to be a bit clingy.  
It’s clinging warmth can be smothering to the love-lorn wearer, but be careful to not cast it aside at the wrong moment.  
To the one who murders the wearer the cloak will be prickly, very heavy, and very uncomfortable and will probably be cast aside.

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Comments ( 16 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Mourngrymn
January 11, 2006, 14:57
A great first time submission. I am impressed. It is a relatively common tale of love lost. An interesting item with believable effects due to the reasoning behind it's production.

Love is a powerful thing and can outlast, outshine, and over power anything if given the right conditions.

Good job!
Voted MoonHunter
January 11, 2006, 14:59
I was just typing in much of what Mourn just did, and he posted first.

I like the fairytale quality to the item. It is not your classic enchantment, it is an item of flux and passion.

Takes some paws up.
Voted Cheka Man
January 11, 2006, 15:31
I like the way the magic comes from the love of the owner.
Voted Ancient Gamer
January 11, 2006, 16:17
This is a very good first post! I am impressed Virlorin!
Voted Strolen
January 12, 2006, 3:49
Unique and tragic. I like the tip that while wearing in battle keep away from arms as it tends to be 'clingy' that was great! Small change I would is make it itchy for anybody not in love instead of only for the killer.

Very fine item, well done!
Voted EchoMirage
January 12, 2006, 3:57
I certainly like it.
As they say, love is a kind of magic, and moments of passion may seem enchanted.
A very pleasant item, especially for romantic fantasy.
"Are you not afraid, Dovan?" a fellow soldier asked. "No, for my love keeps me safe."
Voted Michael Jotne Slayer
January 12, 2006, 8:01
Indeed, this is a splendid item for a first try. Very good.
I like the way it was enchanted, I think everybody is growing tired of "the wizard who meddled with potions/curses/whatever".

Congratulations on a very fine first post Virlorin.
Voted manfred
January 12, 2006, 8:55
I DO like magical items of this kind.

The cloak will find liking to those with a devoted heart, and little love for those not. Especially uncouth will it be to those that harmed its former favourite owner. I wonder, what would happen if a fitting wearer is killed by another fitting wearer (like in war)? Will the cloak hate the new owner, and gradually grow accustomed to it?

A great start. I am looking forward on other submissions from you.
Voted Nobody
January 12, 2006, 11:41
I think that you dropped the ball there at the end. You had a pretty good story going, and then, when you get to Dovan actually wearing the cloak, you just hurried through it.

Also, I am not that impressed with the effects that were made for the cloak itself(mostly the shield). I think that you could have done better with this. It seems more characteristic that you might instead be aware of attacks from behind instead of just shielded from them.

Maybe when you wear it in cold weather, it keeps you from freezing like the warmth of a lover's embrace. And maybe you hear your lover's shout warning you of danger from behind.

This is the kind of descriptive detail that I would like to see with an item like this.

Despite my criticism, it is a good idea, but it needs to be done more artistically, with the painter's touch.

It looks like I will be the bad man here and give it a three. But I would gladly give it higher if you would fill some of it out.
January 12, 2006, 14:54
I dont think you are to far off base Nobody. By what your sayign I can see your reasoning behind it and it is definately a sound comment. Your not being the odd man out, you have just looked at it differently than I did, and apparently the others.

My saying always stands, there is no such thing as a bad comment or vote, only ones that are never given. Even a three has merit and sure it could use work, but we all have submissions that get good reviews yet still need much work.
January 13, 2006, 10:21
Updated: fleshed out the ending per Nobody's suggestion ;)
Voted Chaosmark
April 23, 2007, 20:49
I like it. Items with this sort of origin lend a believability to their powers that just doesn't quite come with a spell-based enchantment.
Voted Murometz
January 23, 2009, 10:54
BUMP. what CM said. Plus, what a great name for an item!!
March 10, 2011, 20:17

Bump again, two years later. I like the way this ends. The murderer casts off the cloak for fear of what it will do next, and so it goes, another magic item "lost"...waiting again to be found, so it can "embrace" once more.

Voted Kassy
May 31, 2014, 5:52
A neatly woven item.

To echo Muro; the cloak is perfectly named.
Voted valadaar
August 21, 2014, 9:55
This is a good item!

Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

Witness Protection

       By: Cheka Man

A planet (or city, valley ect) where those who enter witness protection can escape old age and death itself, so they can live for centuries without aging-provided they maintain their cover perfectly. If they are outed by anyone or ever utter their true name, they age the number of years they have not aged since the day they entered witness protection (which might mean that they age centuries in seconds and crumble into dust and bone.)

Ideas  ( System ) | September 3, 2008 | View | UpVote 1xp

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