30 Goblin Gifts
Normally Goblins tend to be the targets of PCs, but it could be that the PCs do something to aid them and the grateful Goblins give them something in return. Here are thirty great, ghoulish and ghastly goblin gifts.
To the vast majority of humans, goblin beer is disgusting and tastes worse then urine. But should somebody accidentally ingest poison and need to throw up in a hurry, a bottle of goblin beer could be just what the doctor ordered. Very few humans can withstand throwing up after drinking this.
2-The Walls Have Ears
Goblins can often go to a lot of places without being noticed and overhear secrets that other races might fail to uncover. And some of this might be useful to PCs, be it where a kidnapped damsel is being held, the true location of a McGuffin, a vital password, or any useful titbit of knowledge that the GM can come up with.
This short blade has two buttons, the first flicks out the spring loaded blade. The second springs the blade totally out of the handle with great force. The range is short, only six feet or less, but it means a foe can get that blade impaled deep within his, her or it's body, often with fatal results. Unfortunately only a skilled craftsman can get the blade back into the knife afterwards.
Many goblins see nothing wrong with using torture, and instruments of said torture are one of the things that they make very well. These brass goblin-made thumbscrews can be used by PCs with low or no morals to torture the needed information out of a victim who is reluctant to tell them what they want to know.
This dark blue mushroom puts the one who eats it to sleep for several hours. It can be used to help a sick PC sleep and therefore heal, or just used as a sleeping pill if a PC has insomnia, or it can illegally be cut up and placed in food or drink so someone can be kidnapped or robbed.
6-Poo Poo Bomb
A glass bottle full of goblin fart gas, this can be thrown at the feet of foes, and the gas that comes out has been known to make hardened warriors start retching uncontrollably. Care should be taken that the wind does not blow the gas back onto the PCs instead. Animated skeletons will be unaffected since they cannot smell.
7-Copper Disc of Goblin Friendship
It marks the wearer out as a good friend of the goblins, many goblins but by no means all of them will respect this and not try to hurt the bearer unless attacked or provoked.
8-Goblin Marsh shoes-These over-sized shoes let goblins walk in marshy areas without getting bogged down by distributing the weight across a wider area. It is uncertain as to if it would work for humans or not without lots of adaptation.
9-Funeral Gold and Grave Silver looted from tombs in the area. This may enrich the PCs, but it may also attract undead to them, give them bad luck, cause them to be latter accused of grave robbery or all of the above.
10-Goblin Jitte- In the hands of a skilled and strong warrior, this can be used to catch a sword blade and with a twist, break said blade in two. Perhaps the goblins forged it or maybe they just stole it in the past from some luckless warrior.
11-Goblin Praise Song- 'You remind me of the babe!' The gleeful goblins will sing a song for the PCs and then want to go out and steal something for them.
12-Goblin Jerky - Cured meat made from cat, rat, skunk, or other odious animals. It smells disgusting, tastes even worse, and has a texture closer to leather than meat. Few non-Goblin PCs will eat it unless desperately hungry.
13- Dabazook Mushrooms - Small, bright green, slimy mushrooms. They're not good for eating, except by goblins. The slime has some mild restorative properties and might cure light wounds, but it will itch terribly. Most PCs would be unable to avoid scratching and thus reopening the wounds.
14- Light Balls - Small, white, rubbery orbs. When struck they glow a dim but workable light, a work of goblin alchemy. They're bouncy if thrown.
15-Goblin Zapper - A small wooden box with a button on top and three copper prongs on the front. Inside the box is a metal plunger and a stack of what smells like fish meat. It's a stack of electric organs harvested from electric eels and it works roughly like a tazer, although it's only good for one or two shocks.
16- A Shrunken elf head - This is considered a great honor to receive. The head of one elf, cured and shrunken, its skin like fine leather. The eyes and mouth are sewn shut, the ears are tattered, and the long hair has been tied together to form a rope-like handle.
17-Shiny thing - A seemingly random assortment of useless trinkets, the only thing they have in common is their shiny appearance. Goblins love shiny things, and it's tradition to give, receive, and steal them.
18-Nose ring - These are passed down from generation to generation, and though typically very simple, are considered sentimentally valuable. Giving someone a nose ring formally confers kinship status.
19-Slaves - Considered a modest gift in goblin culture, as supply of goblins is high and demand is generally low. Slaves might be members of opposing tribes captured in battle, or a goblin's own less desirable kin or children. It's also typical for a goblin slave to run away from his new master and rejoin his tribe, usually after stealing something.
20-Bone jewelry - Bone and teeth, harvested from small animals or other goblins, are the most common material for goblin jewelers to use. This could range from mouse skulls strung on a necklace to a finer arrangement of more delicate bones.
21-Goblin cake! - A traditional dessert served for feasts and functions. These are served with cheerful songs and gleaming knives, and to turn down the offer of cake is a great insult. Do not ask what's in it - just smile, chew, swallow, and hope it's over soon.
22-Trained Bat(s)- If you ever need a faithful echo-locator, this is the gift for you. The bat is not a familiar, but rather literally a particular species of blood-sucking bat trained by special Goblin bat-wranglers. By day, it is perfectly content folded up in your rucksack (as long as the fabric can be breathed through), or even hanging from your belt. By night, the creature hunts the skies for nourishment, and is capable of simple tasks. 'Retrieve' (something quite small), 'Find' (as in, the way out of this blasted cave!), and 'Pester' (as in shriek real loud and claw at that annoying elf's perfectly coiffed hair) being the most common commands the bat can be expected to execute.
23-Stinking Fleece- This ragged, mildewed, intensely smelly, and partially torn goat's fleece, is actually magicked, though you probably wouldn't want to wear it in public. The goblin's have no issues with bad aromas or aesthetically displeasing clothes, so they consider this quite the gift. If donned, the fleece will keep a wearer slightly warmer if it is cold, and slightly cooler if there is unbearable heat. The odor emanating from this 'cloak' is somewhat nauseating to most non-goblinoids. Additionally, somewhere out there, a flayed, horrifying-to-behold undead goat, searches for it's hide.
Goblin piss is an underrated resource. Most erudite blokes are familiar with the general properties of piss, and its potential applications, but Goblin's urine is surprisingly more potent than the Human equivalent. The 'gift' is a vial of goblin urine, that replenishes (re-fills) itself upon being emptied. How is this a gift I can hear you asking? Just peruse the Wikipedia article on 'urine' and magnify/alter/enhance whichever bizarre property/application might apply.
25-Helm of Arse-Protection
The goblins look surprised if questioned as to this strange item's purpose. It is a *helm*, they say, to protect your *back-side*. Why would this confuse you humans? The helm functions as a normal helm if donned upon one's head (if it even fits a head). However, if used as it's intended, the helm provides a +1 armor/defense bonus to your backside. What the goblins will be loathe to reveal however, is that the helm was once an ogre's helm, and now has holes punched through it for legs. Why ask why? Do not look a gift-horse in the arse!
26-A Teensy, Weensy, minor Mud Elemental
A gift from the goblin shaman. He almost had a heart attack and popped some blood vessels summoning the thing. Best you appreciate his gesture. It is the size of a walnut, but in all other respects, a proper creature of elemental mud.
27- BOOM SAUCE: -EVERY GOBLIN HUT WIFE KNOWS THE SECRET TO HAPPY MATING SEASON IS BOOM SAUCE
The delicious, highly explosive, aphrodisiac that does everything.
When frozen, it freezes at 65 degrees F, it is a high unstable trans-dimensional explosive.
Makes a delightful glaze for meat and fruit. A Gelfing steak just isn't a Gelfling steak with out BOOM SAUCE.
Boil it down with animal fat and spice up your love life....for arousal lasting more than four hour days please consult your shaman.
28-A goblin self help book
This book is for goblins to learn the Goblin Way from. How much if any help it will be for non goblins is debatable.
29-A Bag Full of Goblin Infants
'All the families in the tribe took up a collection for ya! We all reached deep and spared what we could...remember to cut their nails or they will claw their own eyes out.'
30-Snot a gift-Box of lacquered boogers in assorted shapes and sizes. Wormtongue's prized collection
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? Responses (7)-7
Even if the PCs don't befriend Goblins, one or two of these might be found in the 'spoils'. New PCs tend to want to save everything. I can see them carrying around a box of snot for weeks and getting in trouble with a passing elf party while carrying a shrunken elf head.
GM: The elves demand the shrunken elf head and all of your gear as a penance.
PC: 'I will try to bribe the lead elf with my box of Goblin snot.'
Sneaky, Cheka lol Come up with 10, post a 30, bam! I think you can at least add Dozus' name to the authorship for his 10, no? :) Plus this way you can edit out the unseemly '(This person's ideas)' nonsense.
But much fun was had doing this. All gobliny, gross, and gruesome. Kudos to all!
I'm not sure how to formally add people as the add thing only adds numbers instead of names.
Added Suzod for you. Got rid of the who did what. Strolenati Forever!!11
I do not believe that Cheka is incapable of adding people himself. If you enter 2130 into the contributor bar you can add Muro's name
A good list!
I really enjoyed reading this, had a good laugh, and learned more about urine than I ever thought I would. Excellent stuff. A lot of these will find their way in my current campaign.