5 Votes


Hits: 532
Comments: 10
Ideas: 0
Rating: 3.4
Condition: Normal
ID: 7673


January 16, 2014, 11:00 am

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Standard Issue Escape Goat


When your in trouble and need a quick escape, S.I.E.G. IT !!

The Standard Issue Escape Goat, or S.I.E.G., is a nice addition to any adventurers supply list. Easily deployed, light weight, available in a variety of colors and designs, ( for the fashionable adventurer) the S.I.E.G. helps adventurers of any caliper deal with even the deadliest of creatures!

Group of ravenous goblins got you cornered? .S.I.E.G IT!

Angry Troll chief trying to make YOU the secret ingredient in his Troll Sausage Surprise?? S.I.E.G. IT!!

Blood thirsty Horde of Orcs looking at YOU for sustenance, and possibly as a trophy for their war banner? S.I.E.G. IT!!!!

Insatiable zombies shambling at you with hungry eyes? First, get a cleric, second, S.I.E.G. IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buy now and we'll through in this

Standard Issue Escape Goat, Mini , FOR FREE!!!!!!!

( Not responsible for feelings of guilt or self inflicted injury involving S.I.E.G. or S.I.E.G. accessories from miss use of S.I.E.G. units. Please read the S.I.E.G. manual!)

WARNING: Not 100% reliable if stored inappropriately, miss handled before deployment, or deployed against creators of demon or dragon origin.

~A Mad Gnome Product, a subsidiary of Dal-lum Gearstrain Engineering Corp.

In Your Game

This was a Joke that was played upon in an evil game that I once played in where a PC tried to come up with a "standard Issue" EVERYTHING ( SI: Cat, SI:Bird, SI: Octopus, Etc.) The point was to offer players a Magic token that could summon the creature for one quick use. What that use happened to be was up to the PC that used it.

This also played off a 1st edition Ad&d joke about a wizard having a Disable Trap Spell. The ingredients needed for this spell were 1 standard Fighter or Barbarian, 1 really good Lie, and then the wizard just pointed to the area and the spell was cast. The materials of this spell might be used up in the casting of the spell. ( Joke: the PC who went forward might die)

Examples of Use:

* PC's come across a hall way they think is trapped. No body can find traps so instead of putting themselves at risk, send in the S.I.E.G. to walk the hall way. If a Trap triggers, Goat is gone, and now its safe. ( well maybe)

* PC's Find them selves getting overwhelmed by a fight, deploy A S.I.E.G. to fight one monster, or act as a shield for another. Goat will fight till death, or take damage for one while they heal quick.

*PC's need a quick distraction as a group of ruffians close in at a local tavern. No room to start a bar fight, Deploy a S.I.E.G. to distract the ruffians while you get the upper hand.

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Comments ( 10 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Gossamer
January 16, 2014, 9:21
Ok, like I said in cbox, short. Very short. You could probably have passed it as an idea. But that being said, it is a simple but nice idea, though a bit on the cruel side maybe. Poor goats.

You seem to be targetting fantasy, yet it reads like a modern day Commercial. I get that it's supposed to be Gnomish, but it's hardly an invention after all, it's just a goat? Unless it's some kind of summon fake goat spell or an inflatable goat or something. More details!

I dunno if you have unlocked freetext yet, but you should probably slap on a 'Silly' freetext on this when you can.

I'll give you an extra .5 just for the idea alone and because you caught me on a good day, but it is on the short side.
January 16, 2014, 10:04
I'm not sure what to do with this, LoL
January 16, 2014, 10:37
It's ment to be silly, its something that was "invented" in an Evil game we were playing. It's a running joke in my group of gamer's, if the creature is too strong, and every one else has fallen down, deploy A S.I.E.G. and Get the F*** Out of there.

I promise, i will add to this!
January 16, 2014, 11:39
Maybe if it was a bat-winged, carnivorous goat, i could see it.

January 16, 2014, 13:11
Standard Issue Escape Goat, Demonic edition
Voted Strolen
January 16, 2014, 11:45
Hmmm. I loved it and laughed all the way through.

I took it tongue in cheek and accepted it for what it was and I left fully satisfied.

SIEG tastes good too!
Voted Cheka Man
January 16, 2014, 12:01
Only voted
Voted Longspeak
January 16, 2014, 14:26
Cute bit of silliness. There should be a fifth word, beginning with the letter E, so the acronym can be SIEGE. Maybe a highly specialized version which permits the user to win free of a besieged location. The Standard Issue Escape Goat.... okay, I got nothing. I just want to see it become "SIEGE." :P
January 16, 2014, 14:46
You need to create the SIEG Extended edition!
Voted valadaar
July 14, 2014, 9:46
We need a shot of strangeness from time to time. This certainly delivers :)

Link Backs


Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

Wet Faeries

       By: Murometz

Sages and naturalists frown at the common name given to these strange creatures by the small folk, but sometimes the silliest nicknames for creatures, places and people persevere in the minds of many. “Purifiers”, “Pond Jellies”, “Breath-Stealers”, “Lung-Ticklers” and “River Butterflies” are much less commonly heard appellations for these life forms. Wet Faeries are basically (and simply) a species of fist-sized, fresh-water jellyfish. Several traits steer them toward the peculiar category however. Firstly, Wet Faeries are nearly invisible in the water, much like their marine cousins but even more so. One can swim in a river swarming with these critters and not even notice their presence. Secondly, they possess the unique ability to clean and purify whatever body of water they inhabit. They do this via some sort of biological filtration process, sucking in all toxins present in the water, and releasing it back in its purest form. Needless to say, they are both a blessing and a curse to whichever folk dwell beside the rivers and lakes Wet Faeries inhabit. On one hand, no purer water can be found anywhere than a Wet Faerie lake or pond, and yet, in “pure” water “life” tends in fact to die out, lacking the needed nutrients to prosper. Thirdly, their “sting” is (unfortunately) virulently poisonous to all mammalians. Wet Faeries are loathe to sting anyone or anything, using their barbed fronds as a last line of defense, but if stung, most swimmers will suffer respiratory arrest, and die within minutes, usually drowning before they can make it back to shore.

Alchemists, druids, and less savory characters have studied these creatures over the years, and have predictably found all the ways Wet Faeries could be exploited. Morbidly humorous, some bards find it, that the Poisoners and Assassins Guilds as well as the Healer’s Union, all prize these creatures. The assassins use the extracted venom in obvious fashion, while the priests and healers use the still-living jelly-fish to sterilize other poison potions and to cure those already poisoned on death’s door.

It is known that a certain Earl Von Trumble keeps his vast castle moat stocked with Wet Faeries, the waters so clear that every bone of every one of his past enemies can be clearly seen on the bottom, twenty two feet below.

Encounter  ( Any ) | June 20, 2014 | View | UpVote 5xp

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