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Combat
3.5
6 Votes

23xp


Hits: 291
Comments: 13
Ideas: 0
Rating: 3.5
Condition: Normal
ID: 7677

Submitted:

Updated:
January 18, 2014, 11:42 am

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Standard Issue Escape Goat, EXTREME

By:

When S.I.E.G. Just is not strong enough, upgrade to S.I.E.G.E!

Is your S.I.E.G. not working out for you? Does your S.I.E.G. Seem to just feed your enemies instead of kill them? Does your S.I.E.G. just vanish into a pile of dust after triggering one little trap, ?? Are you finding yourself relaying more on your "intelligence" and "Skills" when in combat because your S.I.E.G. just dosent have the Horns for the job?

WELL NOT ANY MORE

Mad Gnome Product and Dal-lum Gearstrain Engineering Corp. would like to introduce you to the NEW

Standard Issue Escape Goat Extreme! (S.I.E.G.E.)

We listened to our faithful surviving customers and developed a bigger, stronger, more blood thirsty version of our Standard Issue Escape Goat. Using state-of-the-art Gnome engineering combined with the darkest of magics, we took our Standard Issue Escape Goat and made them EXTREME!!!!!!

Upgraded muscle mass means your S.I.E.G.E. can muscle through any threat!

Master Crafted Dwarven armor means your S.I.E.G.E. wont feel a thing.

Dark Magic means your S.I.E.G.E. has improved horns and the ability to cause fear in your enemies with his demonic bleating.

Undead Armory threatening your Castle? S.I.E.G.E. IT!

Orcish Horde Threatening your village??? S.I.E.G.E. THEM!!

Giants Coming down the hills to eat your home?!?!!? S.I.E.G.E. THEM!!!!!

Balor stopping your adventuring party from continuing their quest to stop the ultimate evil from destroying the world!?!?!

.... S.I. ...hmm... ( does it work against demons?)....Send the wizard first to prove his might!, then S.I.E.G.E. IT


??!?!?!?!!STILL NOT ENOUGH FOR YA!?!?!?!?

Head on down to any partnered or participating location working with Mad Gnome Product and tell them you want to upgrade your S.I.E.G.E. to the next level!

Is their a next level? HELLS YES THERE IS !!!

After a few easy payments of the first born of 4 families, your eternal soul, or 4 chests full of treasure, you'll be given the location of a secret ritual site, where upon arrival you will be given a special ring of protection. once on, you will be given a special token, making you the proud new (first) owner of our (VERY EXPERIMENTAL) NEW, TOP QUALITY,

Design Extracted Mainly Out of Necronomicon ~ Standard Issue Escape Goat Extreme.

~or~

D.E.M.O.N. ~ S.I.E.G.E

UPGRADE NOW and, we'll cut the price of first born IN HALF!!!


( Not responsible for feelings of guilt, self inflicted injury involving S.I.E.G., S.I.E.G.E, D.E.M.O.N. S.I.E.G.E., accessories from miss use of S.I.E.G. products, the acquisition of a new found dark religion, or respect for the Goat species. Please read the S.I.E.G. manual before use! Remember, knowledge is power!)

WARNING: Not 100% reliable if stored inappropriately, miss handled before deployment, deployed inappropriately, or deployed against creatures of Demonic or Draconic origins.

~A Mad Gnome Product, a subsidiary of Dal-lum Gearstrain Engineering Corp.~



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Comments ( 13 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Scrasamax
January 17, 2014, 11:03
5xp
I cracked up reading this one.
Voted Murometz
January 17, 2014, 11:14
5xp
I want one.
Voted valadaar
January 17, 2014, 11:23
5xp

*Snort*

Obligatory Typo:

4 chests full of treasure

Voted Gossamer
January 17, 2014, 14:57
0xp
Lots of typos, nothing really useful or different, it's just a summoned monster by now. Though I suppose it was made because of popular demand, so there's that.
Longspeak
January 17, 2014, 17:31
0xp
If you submit, you're going to get criticism. Be ready for it. Having said that...
Gossamer
January 18, 2014, 6:38
1xp
Weren't you the one who said you wanted harsh criticism? Or am I mistaken? There's always differing opinions on typos, some simply don't want them pointed out, frankly I feel like I shouldn't have to PM you for something that ought to have been fixed before you submitted. Having said that, typos rarely affect my score, unless of course the brevity of the submission leaves you without an excuse.

Let me know if you want typos pointed out to you in the future or not, but PMing you isn't on the table unless it's a really long sub with lots of typos and if I know you would appreciate it.
Kassy
January 20, 2014, 7:52
0xp
Point them out. Nit-pick. Feed the devil within :P
Voted Longspeak
January 17, 2014, 17:32
5xp
I wanted a SIEGE, I got a SIEGE. It made me smile this afternoon.
young0ne2
January 17, 2014, 19:36
0xp
:) good. That's what i wanted, just to make people smile.
valadaar
January 18, 2014, 10:54
0xp
Take a look at the comments overall, rather than judge on one or two. The overall reception here is good and you have a lot of feedback.
Longspeaks feedback is gold.
Murometz
January 18, 2014, 11:32
5xp
I don't think there is anything wrong with Gossamer's comments.

Oh and I'm fixing Isen't for you in the tagline, can't stare at it any more, sorry :P
young0ne2
January 18, 2014, 11:48
0xp
your right, Gossamer did not do anything wrong. I have not had a clear head the past few days hence the snapping.

I do apologize, for what it's worth.
Voted Kassy
January 20, 2014, 7:54
0xp
3.0/5

Quirky. What about a G.O.A.T. goat?

Freetext



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