Is your S.I.E.G. not working out for you? Does your S.I.E.G. Seem to just feed your enemies instead of kill them? Does your S.I.E.G. just vanish into a pile of dust after triggering one little trap, ?? Are you finding yourself relaying more on your "intelligence" and "Skills" when in combat because your S.I.E.G. just dosent have the Horns for the job?
WELL NOT ANY MORE
Mad Gnome Product and Dal-lum Gearstrain Engineering Corp. would like to introduce you to the NEW
Standard Issue Escape Goat Extreme! (S.I.E.G.E.)
We listened to our faithful surviving customers and developed a bigger, stronger, more blood thirsty version of our Standard Issue Escape Goat. Using state-of-the-art Gnome engineering combined with the darkest of magics, we took our Standard Issue Escape Goat and made them EXTREME!!!!!!
Upgraded muscle mass means your S.I.E.G.E. can muscle through any threat!
Master Crafted Dwarven armor means your S.I.E.G.E. wont feel a thing.
Dark Magic means your S.I.E.G.E. has improved horns and the ability to cause fear in your enemies with his demonic bleating.
Undead Armory threatening your Castle? S.I.E.G.E. IT!
Orcish Horde Threatening your village??? S.I.E.G.E. THEM!!
Giants Coming down the hills to eat your home?!?!!? S.I.E.G.E. THEM!!!!!
Balor stopping your adventuring party from continuing their quest to stop the ultimate evil from destroying the world!?!?!
.... S.I. ...hmm... ( does it work against demons?)....Send the wizard first to prove his might!, then S.I.E.G.E. IT
??!?!?!?!!STILL NOT ENOUGH FOR YA!?!?!?!?
Head on down to any partnered or participating location working with Mad Gnome Product and tell them you want to upgrade your S.I.E.G.E. to the next level!
Is their a next level? HELLS YES THERE IS !!!
After a few easy payments of the first born of 4 families, your eternal soul, or 4 chests full of treasure, you'll be given the location of a secret ritual site, where upon arrival you will be given a special ring of protection. once on, you will be given a special token, making you the proud new (first) owner of our (VERY EXPERIMENTAL) NEW, TOP QUALITY,
Design Extracted Mainly Out of Necronomicon ~ Standard Issue Escape Goat Extreme.
D.E.M.O.N. ~ S.I.E.G.E
UPGRADE NOW and, we'll cut the price of first born IN HALF!!!
( Not responsible for feelings of guilt, self inflicted injury involving S.I.E.G., S.I.E.G.E, D.E.M.O.N. S.I.E.G.E., accessories from miss use of S.I.E.G. products, the acquisition of a new found dark religion, or respect for the Goat species. Please read the S.I.E.G. manual before use! Remember, knowledge is power!)
WARNING: Not 100% reliable if stored inappropriately, miss handled before deployment, deployed inappropriately, or deployed against creatures of Demonic or Draconic origins.
~A Mad Gnome Product, a subsidiary of Dal-lum Gearstrain Engineering Corp.~