6 Votes


Hits: 524
Comments: 13
Ideas: 0
Rating: 3.5
Condition: Normal
ID: 7677


January 18, 2014, 12:42 pm

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Standard Issue Escape Goat, EXTREME


When S.I.E.G. Just is not strong enough, upgrade to S.I.E.G.E!

Is your S.I.E.G. not working out for you? Does your S.I.E.G. Seem to just feed your enemies instead of kill them? Does your S.I.E.G. just vanish into a pile of dust after triggering one little trap, ?? Are you finding yourself relaying more on your "intelligence" and "Skills" when in combat because your S.I.E.G. just dosent have the Horns for the job?


Mad Gnome Product and Dal-lum Gearstrain Engineering Corp. would like to introduce you to the NEW

Standard Issue Escape Goat Extreme! (S.I.E.G.E.)

We listened to our faithful surviving customers and developed a bigger, stronger, more blood thirsty version of our Standard Issue Escape Goat. Using state-of-the-art Gnome engineering combined with the darkest of magics, we took our Standard Issue Escape Goat and made them EXTREME!!!!!!

Upgraded muscle mass means your S.I.E.G.E. can muscle through any threat!

Master Crafted Dwarven armor means your S.I.E.G.E. wont feel a thing.

Dark Magic means your S.I.E.G.E. has improved horns and the ability to cause fear in your enemies with his demonic bleating.

Undead Armory threatening your Castle? S.I.E.G.E. IT!

Orcish Horde Threatening your village??? S.I.E.G.E. THEM!!

Giants Coming down the hills to eat your home?!?!!? S.I.E.G.E. THEM!!!!!

Balor stopping your adventuring party from continuing their quest to stop the ultimate evil from destroying the world!?!?!

.... S.I. ...hmm... ( does it work against demons?)....Send the wizard first to prove his might!, then S.I.E.G.E. IT

??!?!?!?!!STILL NOT ENOUGH FOR YA!?!?!?!?

Head on down to any partnered or participating location working with Mad Gnome Product and tell them you want to upgrade your S.I.E.G.E. to the next level!

Is their a next level? HELLS YES THERE IS !!!

After a few easy payments of the first born of 4 families, your eternal soul, or 4 chests full of treasure, you'll be given the location of a secret ritual site, where upon arrival you will be given a special ring of protection. once on, you will be given a special token, making you the proud new (first) owner of our (VERY EXPERIMENTAL) NEW, TOP QUALITY,

Design Extracted Mainly Out of Necronomicon ~ Standard Issue Escape Goat Extreme.


D.E.M.O.N. ~ S.I.E.G.E

UPGRADE NOW and, we'll cut the price of first born IN HALF!!!

( Not responsible for feelings of guilt, self inflicted injury involving S.I.E.G., S.I.E.G.E, D.E.M.O.N. S.I.E.G.E., accessories from miss use of S.I.E.G. products, the acquisition of a new found dark religion, or respect for the Goat species. Please read the S.I.E.G. manual before use! Remember, knowledge is power!)

WARNING: Not 100% reliable if stored inappropriately, miss handled before deployment, deployed inappropriately, or deployed against creatures of Demonic or Draconic origins.

~A Mad Gnome Product, a subsidiary of Dal-lum Gearstrain Engineering Corp.~

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Comments ( 13 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Scrasamax
January 17, 2014, 12:03
I cracked up reading this one.
Voted Murometz
January 17, 2014, 12:14
I want one.
Voted valadaar
January 17, 2014, 12:23


Obligatory Typo:

4 chests full of treasure

Voted Gossamer
January 17, 2014, 15:57
Lots of typos, nothing really useful or different, it's just a summoned monster by now. Though I suppose it was made because of popular demand, so there's that.
January 17, 2014, 18:31
If you submit, you're going to get criticism. Be ready for it. Having said that...
January 18, 2014, 7:38
Weren't you the one who said you wanted harsh criticism? Or am I mistaken? There's always differing opinions on typos, some simply don't want them pointed out, frankly I feel like I shouldn't have to PM you for something that ought to have been fixed before you submitted. Having said that, typos rarely affect my score, unless of course the brevity of the submission leaves you without an excuse.

Let me know if you want typos pointed out to you in the future or not, but PMing you isn't on the table unless it's a really long sub with lots of typos and if I know you would appreciate it.
January 20, 2014, 8:52
Point them out. Nit-pick. Feed the devil within :P
Voted Longspeak
January 17, 2014, 18:32
I wanted a SIEGE, I got a SIEGE. It made me smile this afternoon.
January 17, 2014, 20:36
:) good. That's what i wanted, just to make people smile.
January 18, 2014, 11:54
Take a look at the comments overall, rather than judge on one or two. The overall reception here is good and you have a lot of feedback.
Longspeaks feedback is gold.
January 18, 2014, 12:32
I don't think there is anything wrong with Gossamer's comments.

Oh and I'm fixing Isen't for you in the tagline, can't stare at it any more, sorry :P
January 18, 2014, 12:48
your right, Gossamer did not do anything wrong. I have not had a clear head the past few days hence the snapping.

I do apologize, for what it's worth.
Voted Kassy
January 20, 2014, 8:54

Quirky. What about a G.O.A.T. goat?


Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

Ringworld-based game , anyone

       By: Kawaresksenjajok

hey im new to this site but was here years ago w/ another name. anyways dont remember so im newbie by default.
Firstly, I am a sci-fi reader and I hope to meet success with my writing.
My favorite series of books are Larry Nivens RINGWORLD tetralogy (Ringworld, RingWorld Engineers, The RingWorld Throne, and RingWorlds Children)
For those that havnt read the ring world is the greatest artificial structere ever discovered.
A ring, its circumference equal to earths orbit, it is built around a sol-like star. Shadow squares halfway betwwn the ring and the sun provide 15 hours of night in a thirty hour day. 70 days equals one falan (one full rotation of ring world. The inner surface-the one exposed to the sun, is terraformed and is one millionkmwide cntrifugal force provides gravity, and rim walls 1000km high keep the atmosphere in. Population of RNH(ringworld native hominids)
estimated in the trillions.
The origins of who built it and why are too sticky to get into. But the ringworld , millions of years ago, was populated bt A race called Pak Protectors. Protectors are ancestors of all homo sapiens. they populated ringworld with homo erectus, but left no predators in the ecology. hence, hominids evolved into every ecological niche. (Vampires, Carrion Eaters, Giant Herbivores, Small Carnivores, some built great technologies and went interstellar. Oh, and ringworld is 300 million times the surface area of earth. post if youre interested, Ill elabortae on native species and alien vistors

Ideas  ( Society/ Organization ) | July 23, 2007 | View | UpVote 1xp

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