Single sentence version:
Whitestill: fascinated by lore, seduced by the concept of community, offended by constraints, frightened by loneliness and a lack of social ties.
Four sentences version:
Fascinated by: Being of a curious nature, Whitestill is fascinated by the tales and lores that are previously unknown to her although she wouldn't mind retellings of some of her favourites by the Elders either.
Seduced by: Stemming from her upbringing and unique power for telepathic communication with all four-leggers, Whitestill fell in love and became addicted to what she experienced of a community that shares between each other all personal feelings and thoughts as they occur as well as the intellectual and emotional responses that arise subsequently.
Offended by: Raised to teenage-hood among a four-legger herd (basically a herd of wild horses) on the Crunalan Steppes, Whitestill believes in a natural rhythm to everything and has a resentment against concocted constraints placed on herself or others which she worked hard to remove among her people, the Crunalans.
Frightened by: Having been intensely insecure with her identity as a two-legger with no memory intact other than the fact that she is a two-legger living among a herd of four-leggers, Whitestill has a strong fear of once again reliving the same emotions that she experienced from that time.
Brief Character Sheet:
Whitestill's actual name did not stay intact with the passage of time as known by her own people, the Crunalans. Instead, she is simply known as the First Sister, the one who founded the Sisters of Magul.
Physical Appearance and Demeanour:
- Average in height and with a small build
- Black hair and brown eyes
- Gentle smiles mostly but little words
- Telepathy with all four-leggers (aka animals but don't let her hear you referring to them that way) on the Crunalan Steppes
- None but travels with her magulanda or horse-brother Dunestar as constant companion
Whitestill's earliest memory was that of herself waking up inside a forest with no memories except that she is a human and discovering that she can mind-speak with animals, a power she knew she was not supposed to hold. After chancing upon Dunestar and rescuing him, she was brought back to his herd of wild horses where she was accepted as a full member. In fact, her name Whitestill was what the herd gave her. She lived amongst them for three years and grew to teenage-hood.
At the age of 15, a visiting Elder came to her herd and broke the news to them that the first human on the Steppes was actually the offspring between a wolf and a deer who was born to an animal form! She was asked to go back to her people to educate them about this unknown origin of the humans as well as discussing over-cropping and other issues they were instrumental in causing.
Dunestar accompanied her on the way back and they met a shaman en route who agreed to help them on their mission. This team of three changed the way the Crunalan people lived forever afterwards (by turning them into nomads so that they could reach sustainable living on the Steppes) and forged an unbreakable alliance between the Crunalan people and horses in particular. Whitestill had never recovered her memory and never found her own birth family but she had carved a home for herself living with both her people and her herd at the same time. She was the second most influential female figure in Crunalan society after the White Deer, the progenitor of the Crunalan race.
So this month's quest is Mythic/Historical NPCs.
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? Responses (9)-7
Update: Turns out I can't be total slacker and has to add a brief character sheet after all for this to qualify for the Legendary People quest.
Can't really vote on it as it is a somewhat confusing telling. Most of it is about the person but I am grasping at it to determine why she is legendary. Starting at 'The age of 15' all the narration after that makes no sense to me and that was what I was counting on to see the legendary aspect of the character. You tell me she is the most influential but I am failing to fully understand why. I need a tale, not just a basic discussion of various bullet points.
The legendary aspect is partly tied up to my stub titled Sisters of Magul but I did explicitly say in the sub that as a team of three, she changed the way the Crunalan people lived ever afterwards by turning them to nomads. Even without the actual tale of how she manages to achieve this, I would say readers can take away from a purely logical perspective that she's a legendary figure.
I understand that the sub is a bit on the terse side, it did come from this short story that I was submitting to epub issue 1 but just couldn't take to the finishing line so this tale of how she's the most influential etc. is basically this stalled short story and the rest of it is vaguely in my head somewhere but I'm just not up to telling it. I don't mean to be defensive but just stating things as they are.
Writing might be a little lacking in clarity, I agree, shall bring this back to public draft for now until I give it another clarity check.
Update: Minor update for clarity as per Strolen comment.
I tend to agree with Strolen. What I read here is nice, and the beginning of a good idea. But it feels... unfinished. Or perhaps part of a larger whole which I don't have the perspective needed to really appreciate.
What I see I like. But I need more to make it usable.
As mentioned above, this character came out of a stalled short story going towards the epub and I decided to recycle it when the 4 sentence tool came out. I tried to edit it a bit to clarify the legendary aspect of the character but overall, I can't take this sub much further. Is there anything specific that you think I could have added here to address the issue you see with it?
4/5 Excellant 'color' or 'fluff' NPC, very good for an extended rping encounter
An interesting character, with mystical feel.