The Great White Dragon
The Great White Dragon is rarely seen. Nobody knows where he slumbers, but they do know his cave is on one of the highest peaks in the world. Only few stories have made it to be Known about across the lands. Few ever made it back to there home villages to tell the story.
Full Description
With a wing span of three mares and beautiful pearly-white scaled skin, wrapped around his body, Dracon is The great White Dragon protector to Thariana. He has eyes of poise upon his pearly head. His attitude is very sincere. Dracon demands a truthful jury When talking to candidates for Thariana's heavenly realm. If you lie to him, his sincerity becomes painful justice. Admittance into heaven is not easy.
Dragons are pets to the gods and bound to do their masters bidding. The great goddess thariana is White Dragons master. For many years though, she has not called on her pet. This is because Goddess Thariana is disgusted with mans behavior and will not allow Dracon to send any humans to her realm. Too many warriors and greedy merchants would spread evil and foul behavior to her realm. That alone would destroy the very fabric that her holy heaven home is made of.
Thariana, in her anger, yelled out through the heavens and down to earth,'Thou ants of creation I am through with you. If you want to replace happiness for material things. Then I will take away your pleasures, and you will never see heaven.'
After the people of earth heard the shouts that just reached out and smacked their faces, they just replied,' I am sorry we have displeased you goddess, but tell me again what is happier than being the most powerful and richest of the ants or dieing to try?.'
From that day forward Thariana locked the gates to her realm and sent Dracon to rest and to wait. 'Dracon if a man ever finds you and wishes for love and happiness. then send him home to me. If not, fight to the death that humans love so much.
Additional Information
Greed and hate have grown worse. Dracon has not heard from Thariana for centuries. He has slept fully aware of time slowly passing by.
The Great White Dragon has an amazing ability to heal wounds. One of his pearly white scales can raise the dead, or even make a man immortal. Dracon can never die. He is immortal himself until the end of the earth. When someone has lived as long as Dracon has, they begin to envy man for death. Wine tastes better, and food tastes sweeter, and love is so much more meaningful when you will die one day.
Once a great warrior named Gale traveled to every mountain peak in the world searching for the great white dragons layer. He needed a scale from the dragons pearly back because he was cursed with vapirism.
Gale was on his way home from a tavern on a particularly dark night with no torch in hand. On the road home from the tavern in town, the pitch black carried a blood fiend creature. The creature attacked him from behind sucking nearly his life to extinction. Now instead of seeking vengeance, the Great warrior Gale would rather deteriorate his thirst for blood and relinquish his thirst for mead. This was a noble act of character considering he could seek veangance and then seek help.
12 years of searching for the layer of the Great white dragon; feeding on small defenseless wolves and chunk rats on his way. Gale craved ale, and meat, and cheese so much his stomach quenched in pain. It deswayed his thoughts for months and thats when,Finally at the last peak in the world, Gale finds a cave hidden behind a wall made of solid ice that has been frozen for centuries.
Gale pulled out his sword so big it requires two hands to weald. Then he bashed the ice wall to chuck it out of his way so an entrance would be accessible. All he could think about was seeing the dragons face and preying that he may save his life. Then without notice, only a small sheet of an icy wall left,a great flame explodes the icy door straight out into the sky with Gale in the mixture of objects flying. The explosion blew gales sword straight out of his hands and out of sight. Fortunately Gale could fly from the Dark gift given to him by the creatures of the night. Hopefully he will be cured of that problem soon. As he was floating back to the now cleared entrance of the Dragons den, another flame flies by Gales shoulder blades, barely missing his head.
Gale shouts with no hesitation,' Great dragon I seek your help. Please great protector of heaven, I need a cure to a disease I carry. It is unbearably evil and I wish it gone.'
The dragons head pops out of his cave with eyes that were pure silver. The cave was only big enough for him to lay in slumber.'Tell me, have you come for my sympathy human? My master will judge you speaker of unholy ones.'the dragon spoke in a deep dark voice.
'Dragon I am immortal, but I am immortally miserable. I must drink blood and kill. Nothing else will please this once warm heart inside my chest.' This pained Gale to say to the holy dragon because he respects the good side of the world and hates evil.
'Great warrior I know the pains of immortality. And see the heart inside you still has warmth. It is just covered by the evils of mankind.'
The great Dragon stood on all four legs at least twice Gales height. Gale could tell by his face he was performing an order by the voices in his head. Thariana must have judged me already. Then, as the dragons attention came back to me, he said,' step forward and pluck one scale. As long as you hold it you will be cured, but if you let it go you will be a vampire once again. The scale will gift you with immortality as well, so either way you will be immortal.
Gale landed on the ground in front of the dragon not landing before the conversation from fear of his enemy. Now that the dragon was no longer an enemy he quickly plucked the beautiful pearl to save the dragon pain. It was the size of his hand with fingers spread as far as they would go. He placed it in both hands and stared at it in aw. Gale spoke out never taking his eyes off the pearly scale,' Dragon I thank you but being an immortal takes away my happiness. I want to be happy and wish to love again.'
The dragon said nothing, instead he performed yet another task from his master. Dracon looked down at Gale bit his head clean off and spat it down the mountainside. The final words of the dragon were,' Gale great warrior, Thariana Grants your wish.'
Gale traveled to the afterlife where only the righteous live and where they live happy. For all eternity Gale will Eat food, drink mead, and love Thariana.
The Great White Dragon, knowing his home has been found, took flight in search of another peak to make a new home for many more centuries. Thariana would not need him for a while, earth was still getting worse.
The one scale Gale plucked from Dracon still sits waiting to be found underneath his headless body that his spirit left behind for heaven. Whomever finds the Magical scale and holds it in there hands will be cursed. If they wear it they will be immortal and happy when it is removed, they will become a vampire.
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? Responses (19)
And?
Why does this dragon have healing powers? Where did it come from, how was it born or who made it or whatever? Where did it come from? What are its habits? Are there legends that surround it? So on so on.
You need more.
As is, it would make a decent idea seed. Expand it.
If he doesn't heal people cause he's too busy being hunted, how do the people know that he can? Or is it just some sort of Hunt for the Grail? You say many stories exist in the flavor text, why don't you write some up and include them in the post.
I'm gonna hold back on voting for the moment. I'd suggest that you read the 5 highest rated submissions in ALL the catagories and see if you can figure out what elusive qualities make a great sub, and if you ever see the chat being used feel free to drop in and ask any questions you have, we're generally nice to new people here.
As said, it is an idea seed... but we would prefer more. Also, his personality is missing - sure he would defend from any that would attack him, but what does he do about the people that come begging him for help?
Updated: I hope this is a little better. I think I'm getting better and soon you guys will see some great compositions from me. The ideas never stop coming haha
Definitely deserves a vote-upgrade!
It is much better. We can see him in the present, and have an idea of his future. The past could perhaps still be a bit lightened up - was he possibly a part of the primal creation, when the very world was made? While the players/readers of the story may never know, it would be interesting to us. Also, there must be legends surrounding the creature among the people; even if not true, they would describe it and its powers. Perhaps, ages ago it was more willing to help mortals?
(Aside, the advice from others in 'King Hingrad' post applies here, too. Some sentences have a bit weird structures - though it can be seen you do it to achieve a more artistic feel, which I respect. Also those similar-sounding words spook around here and there.)
Looks better! Kudos for working on it.
Granted the base idea is interesting, an immortal protector that seems to despise those it protects... Kind of eclectic. But, the grammer is a bit off. While like manfred said, some of your sentences have an odd structure to it there seems to be a purpose behind it but you have too many mispelled words.
The story of the fatal gift is a lovely twist and I applaud you for it. To me this still needs some work to get a vote from me. As of right now I would throw out a 2.0 vote, maybe a 2.5 if I felt generous. I know this can do much better.
Okay, thank you I will take your ideas and work on it. Although I also like the image I gave the dragons scale.A story is never satisfying to me unless it is completely understood and liked by everyone who is willing to help.
If you are waiting for everyone to understand it and like it, thats a futile effort. You can't please everyone.
Updated: I must go and it need more revising but i think this is considerably better. Take a look
Updated: Okay Ive done what I feel is a good job. I made it a little religious and ethically based to explain more of the past and present of the dragon. Hope you enjoy
Better. Still a bit less than what I like, but it'll do.
I'd say this is infinitely better then the original submisson, but I need to echo others concerns on grammar, etc. I do have a problem with a Dragon named Dracon.
Better... interesting to bring a god into the fray. Having a dragon as a gate keeper to heaven is certainly unique enough for me, but your grammer and spelling is still rough around the edges. I would give you another +.5 for your dutiful effort to clean it up. This is much better though.
This has some potential, but the writing style needs a lot of work and some of it still comes off as cliche. Not bad, but not great either.
My only thought about the writing style is that the tone is not held constant. Cliche and poetic are fine, they suggest a time before the media over saturation. Colloquial and modern is fine too, just because were describing dragons, jousts or an iron-age agrarian lifestyle doesn’t mean we need to use middle English (or our approximation of middle English). I think the author was going for a classical theme here and achieved that in the first few paragraphs. (After all what modern man would name his son Gale?)
I didn’t see the original, but what I read today seems like a solid post that achieves its goal (telling us the back story of the dragon scale). Also, for the most part, it sets a mood and a tone.
Like sverigesson said, the writing style needs a lot of improvement. It took me a few moments to realize that the dragon's layer was where he lived, his lair. And what are 'eyes of poise'? Some of his style may have been deliberate, but it doesn't add anything for me.
An OK sub, but it does need some more work to be usable.
I liked this one. I can agree the writing is a bit off in places, but it didn't make it harder to read in the slightest. I honestly enjoyed reading that. Kudos.
it should npc