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ID: 5349


October 6, 2008, 10:04 pm

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Cheka Man

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Daymen Scarb


"Stay back! I’m a… a powerful wizard!"


Daymen tends to dress in the finest robes he can find… which is to say, threadbare and out of fashion rags. He tries his best to keep up his personal appearance, but there is only do much you can do when you can’t afford soap.


Daymen was a standard boy growing up, until around puberty his innate magical talent began to emerge, in the form of random bursts of bright energy that left behind a faint smell of feet to in one case a rather destructive downpour of fine sausage links. After about a year of this, he was accepted into a formal apprenticeship. He was unceremoniously cast out less than a month later by a haggard master, sick to death of the seemingly uncontrollable magic effects that spontaneously erupted from the boy.
As he entered young adulthood, Daymen began to feel the repercussions of some of the random magic that seemed to emanate from him. His friends wouldn’t come near him for fear of being blasted with a geyser of phlegm, and the one time that a girl he liked returned his affection he accidentally called forth a mass of margarine that pulled itself into a vaguely demonic form a chased her for a while. All in all, Daymen couldn’t help but feel that his ‘gift’ wasn’t quite measuring up to its name. Eventually, to spare his loved ones the panic of his presence (not to mention to avoid embarrassing himself further) he decided to leave his home. Setting off, he managed to get all of a half hour into the nearest woods before being accosted by bandits. In fright, he warned them that he was, in fact, a powerful wizard and would turn them to ash if they tried to attack him.
Now in defense of the bandits, he really didn’t look much like a wizard, especially at this point. Dirty blond hair, a mild case of acne and a distinct lack of a pointy hat or musty tome all played against the image that he was trying to create. So when they charged him, and he blasted one of them to the ground with a sizable ham, the others thought it was simply a skilled display of sleight of hand.
It was when they felt something flying off their heads, and then watching a pile of their combined dandruff form itself into a small snarling humanoid that they began to wonder if he was in fact more then just a traveling performer. When this same dandruff elemental then started attacking them, they decided that perhaps it was best if they back off before he cast something dangerous. Snatching up their friend and the sizable ham that downed him, they made off.
This whole event actually managed to do wonders for Daymen’s confidence, and so when he found a city he was able to enter with his head high and attempt to enroll at the local and, though he had never heard of it, apparently quite famous arcane academy. During the aptitude assessment, the inspectors were impressed with his ability to summon a large standing wall of water. It was when they started wondering where that peculiar smell was coming from that it was discovered that the wall was actually composed of rather viscous sweat. They admitted him in hopes of helping him get his spells under control.
Fast forwarding several semesters, the young ‘mage’ had made absolutely zero progress. Despite how much theory he learned and how many formulas he memorized, he was still just as likely to give everyone nearby a bad case of sunburn as he was to create a banquet table full rife with dishes centered on noodles.
He had been having a hard time managing to scrape together tuition for a long time, but the final blow to his academic career came when a senior student began to clue in that there may be some reason other than sheer incompetence that stopped Daymen from casting proper spells. Telling him that he was conducting a test on group casting, he was able to study Daymen and determined that he was in fact a focus point for wild magic in it’s purest form. As such, he would never be able to cast proper magic, regardless of how much he may try. It was on this subject that the senior chose to write his master’s degree on, much to Daymen’s discontent. When he presented it, he was applauded for his work on a subject with virtually no other examples, as Daymen was quietly informed that it might generally be best for everyone if he took his leave of the school.

In a depressed stupor, Daymen left the school. The thing that had been one of the central aspects of his life- his ‘gift for magic’, had really turned out to be a curse. As he had grown up, he had tried to practice magic, and as such didn’t have many skills to fall back on. He worked sporadically at a number of places, but was generally fired after some magical mishap such as the now-renowned "acne eruption incident", wherein he accidentally caused the population of the entire poor district to break out in a very bad case of acne. The lack of a steady job made a proper home beyond his means, so he has taken to simply trying to find the driest spot he can to sleep. The poor living conditions have further reduced his employability, and the end result is that finding a job has become an even harder task then it was before. He still has managed to cling desperately to some of his morals, and considers himself above stealing.

Special Equipment

Nothing. He has a few changes of clothes, but beyond that, it’s rare that he has a coin to his name, let alone any noteworthy items.

Roleplaying Notes

Daymen is generally pretty down, or at least has been for a while now. His current situation of grabbing any job that he can find, no matter how poor, has driven his self esteem into the ground. Lately, he has taken to getting very drunk on the rare occasion that he can afford it. Even that has proved to have it’s challenges, as his weak build makes him a target for any who are feeling belligerent. He generally tries to scare them off by telling them that he’s a mighty mage, and then trying to hit them with a spell. It works sometimes.
The main things to remember are this:

1) He does in fact control potent magic, and he knows it. That knowledge of power is curbed by the fact that he can barely control when it gets cast, let alone what happens.

2) He is generally pretty broke, and if approached with a job offer will jump on it regardless of weather he can accomplish it or not.

3) Despite his current mood, he is generally an optimist. It’s taken around fifteen years of bad luck and uncontrolled magic to get him down.

Hooks & Stuff

-An easy introduction would simply to have the PCs in the same bar where someone decides to pick on Daymen. If the downtrodden wizard doesn’t get their attention, the conjuration of a hummus dragon will.

-If the PCs don’t mind having to sit through effects such as a ray of tea, Daymen’s magic is actually capable of being helpful. It’s simply a matter of trying until something works. Sure, by then you might be covered in mucus and have been cursed with kidney stones, but if you try long enough he can in fact make it rain sausages.

-Daymen’s greatest dream, one which now seems impossible, is to become a proper mage. The only way that could happen would be if he could somehow stop being a focal point for pure wild magic. At the moment, there is no known way to do that. However, if anyone would find a way to do the impossible, you can bet it’ll be player characters.

Alternatively, if your setting includes some form of wild magic spellcasting class, the PCs could set Daymen up with a Wild mage as a teacher. At that point, though still chaotic, Daymen might finally be able to gain some vague semblance of command over his abilities.

This character was inspired by the Grimoire of Questionable Spells generator located over at . A good way to determine what he casts is to generate 15 and pick the most (or least) appropriate.

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Comments ( 13 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Scrasamax
October 7, 2008, 1:24
Bonus for:

A sizable ham
dandruff elemental
viscious wall of sweat
Ray of tea

I LoLed
Voted manfred
October 7, 2008, 9:22
Everybody loves a failing magician! And this one is believably built, no to mention entertaining. You can still find potential uses for this powerful wizard (well, he _does_ create powerful effects), like powering some magical item; just wait on the consequences.

Very usable and fun!
Voted Cheka Man
October 7, 2008, 11:29
LOL. Magic gone wrong is entertaining unless it happens to you.
Voted sverigesson
October 7, 2008, 15:04
This is an amazingly entertaining sub. Daymen is the ultimate bumbling wizard (better than Rincewind, dare I say? I dare, I dare!), and as such has set my brain a spinning with ideas. Thanks, Grey. 5.0.
Voted Maggot
October 7, 2008, 20:52
It's funny that sverigesson mentioned Rincewind, because that was exactly the famous fantasy wizard that came to my mind when I started reading this sub. As the others have said, this a great comic NPC. I bet though that in a fight where nothing but the strength of your pure magical ability mattered, Daymen would easily be able to overpower and vanquish most highly skilled mages.

P.S:Is Daymen a master of controlling organic elements? Many of his abilities seem to involve summoning various body fluids or different types of food.
October 7, 2008, 21:52
Rincewind is one of the characters that I tried to draw some flavor from when I started writing Daymen. His abilities are more linked to what would be funny / distressing, and it just so happens that oftentimes that involves organic matter.
Voted Dozus
October 7, 2008, 22:36
The poor fellow! You actually feel for him, while at the same time being amused. Reminds me of a Groucho Marx-type scamp, except he's a sorcerer. Major props.
Voted EchoMirage
October 8, 2008, 6:59
A good one - though, I wonder. The effects caused by his wild magic are mischiefous and comical, one and all. Why is that? Would truly random manifestations of energy have sometimes serious (gasp!) results?
October 8, 2008, 12:24
It would, but this was more fun to write & read.
October 9, 2008, 6:03
Of course, the narrative imperative. But what is the in-game reason for a wall of ... sweat... ?
October 9, 2008, 10:53
Could just as easily be water, pale ale or plasma. The nature of all of his spells is that they are completely random, and if you prefer a more serious game then simply use less comic effects than what I've mentioned here.
Voted Drackler
October 9, 2008, 11:35
Hilarious! Yes, yes, you could just make it random and not funny, I guess. Great sub, Grey!
Voted valadaar
October 10, 2008, 11:04
This I found very amusing and quite usable!
Well done Grey!

Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

       By: Strolen

The size and number of knots in hair, tied around neck, or hanging from belt could signify family, importance, worship, guild affiliations. Being able to translate the meaning of the size and placement of knots can give you a a large understanding of who somebody is.

May be used in a more barbaric society. Where in cities peoples clothes and crests show who they are, barbarians have no need for this so use knots.

Ideas  ( Society/ Organization ) | January 4, 2002 | View | UpVote 3xp

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