A set of six beautifully crafted daggers.
Handles of grey curly birch, around which runs a thin silver thread. With front and rear bolsters made of sturdy steel, the most attractive part of their anatomy being the spine and the blade itself. The blade has been folded many times over, giving it a much superior strength and almost never in need of sharpening if taken proper care of.
Much like that of a Morgul Blade as seen in Lord of the Rings.
Once an enemy has been wounded by one of the daggers they will slowly begin to fade away, not to die, no. Their fate is much worse.
The daggers slowly and over time drain the unfortunates soul. He, or she, will have no afterlife. They will simply cease to be, their energy becoming trapped inside the dagger.
Until it is either released through some ritual of purification, or it's original and far more sinister purpose is fulfilled; being channeled into summoning the Mir'a'Khene, the god of death. You don't just summon a god, they require a fitting tribute.
An accomplished Mage in his city of Karonie Karile, the shining city. Van Torxes was once a respected and honoured aide to the King of Elves.
For many months now there had existed a plot, kept a tight secret by those who yearned for its execution and fulfillment.
He had received a summons earlier that day to attend the court of kings later in the afternoon. As he approached he could hear voices raised in anger and excitement. This was not good.
As he opened the doors silence fell, the congregation turned and looked at him. There were mutters, long fingers pointed in his direction. "The traitor has joined us, I see" a voice penetrated the silence.
"This is the man my liege, your most trusted advisor, your closest friend. He has managed to deceive you. He plots to take your place, to cast you from your throne and claim it for himself! Here, is the proof"
Stunned, Van Torxes could only look on as the events unfolded before him. Finally he was allowed to speak. "My lord, my friend! You know this is not true. They are the ones deceiving you, it is they that want your throne. Not I, I have stood by your side for years. This you know."
Hours later, after much to and fro amongst the courtiers and Van Torxes, it was declared he be banished from the city, eternally. The king couldn't just kill his once friend. Instead choosing to exile him.
Shocked and hurt that his liege believed the other courtiers. Enraged at them for their cowardly behaviour. And troubled, troubled that there had been nom response from the guard. He had been working alongside their captain for many months after first uncovering this plot. Now, nothing.
His hatred grew and he became besotted with a desire for vengeance.
So it came to be that he crafted the daggers, one for each of the conspirators. They would pass as gifts from his country of exile. Tributes to the new king, and his closest advisors.
The daggers had been cursed, destined to drive their intended recipient insane. Causing him become paranoid, seeing enemies all around him. Eventually becoming so unbearable the bearer will attempt to take his own life. He will not be successful. From then on, his soul is damned.
1- The PCs arrive in the Shining City and are greeted by one of its elders, a conspirator. He tells them of strange happenings amongst a few of the court members. He is convinced that there is something going on behind his back. What it is? Well, he doesn't know.
I finally got around to re-writing this. My word, it was quite a mess! I hope this revised version is better.
I ask that people take another look and hopefully re-vote.
Many thanks, and enjoy the read.
Since Van was exiled, the mood of the court has degenerated even further. The king and his cronies, once reasonable people, have descended into a mire of intrigue and mistrust. The courtiers are paranoid already, and looking for ways to eliminate each other. When they all get daggers, the paranoia from the dagger is multiplied ten-fold, even to the point of influencing those around them.
Within a few days, the palace is a madhouse. The king has ordered the guards away (not trusting them), all the doors have been locked, and half of the court has been murdered. Many members of the court have fled, thinking that some curse has come upon them, while the king and his courtiers hide and hunt each other in the darkened halls of the Elven palace. Anyone they come across is obviously an assassin, sent to kill them. Of course, the party is sent in to straighten things out, and promptly start kicking some noble elvish butt.
Oh, sweet, a magic dagger! These guys have some nice loot!
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? Responses (27)
Updated: litle mistake, needed rectifying.
Updated: accidently put it on in work.
I kinda like the names Van Torxes and Karonie Karile. Keep going chilled!
i'm still on it, on word.
will update it soon
'He then swapped the daggers with those that his enemies had. A few days later they all winded up dead each with a dagger stuck through his heart.'
Apart from the spelling (wound up as opposed to winded up), how did he manage to swap the daggers? Magic? Paid assassins?
'Since then the daggers have disappeared and have not been found since, all apart from three, two of which have been destroyed and the other which resides with the new high mage who is trying to break the spell on them and trace their creator.'
How did the daggers dissappear, if they were found in the hearts of their victems? Stolen? Dissolved in the victem's blood?
Each of these daggers is cursed and drains their bearers of will and eventually drives them insane and forces them to kill themselves with the dagger. '
Not too eventually if a couple days after they get them they stab themselves.
is that any better my friend?
Updated: updated this sub using the ideas that valadaar gave me!!!...
Heh, I didn't mean to use those ideas verbatium - not all of mine are good either!
Now, I think we can boil down the thesis of your idea to:
1. Mage wants revenge against his enemies.
2. He creates magical weapons that force the bearer to kill themselves.
Now, how plausable that all 12 of his enemies are going to go out and buy magic daggers from the same person, especially on a short notice? You need to come up with something a LOT more plausable. The Death Wraith part seems a little over the top.
So, why would 12 mages suddenly acquire a cursed item? Perhaps some ritual group they are part of includes it as a badge of entry?
These seem rather powerful - what price did the mage pay to make these/get these made, especially in little time? Hopefully something more original then 'he sold his soul...'.
You really need to work on your english as well as spelling and as others have said, read other subs, especially the golden ones for what quality they are looking for. I've got a ways to go too.
ok ok ok ...... ... ...
ive already explained why and how the mages aquired the daggers and if you read the sub properly you might have noticed that...
if you read the sub properly you might have noticed that...
Not a good way to get positive feedback.
sorry i'm just a bit ikry as of late.
Okay. You need to format your sentences and paragraphs to make this readable.
Can you read your piece outloud? If you do so, you will find a couple easy to correct errors.
The desolving weapons are interesting, but oddly explained. They don't regenerate do that? Are they one use only? If the assassin was any good (and he was by your prose) then all of these weapons should of been used up.
If he had to sneak the weapons into their hands, so they would kill themselves? Why not send them as gifts (annoymolusly of course).
The compulsion to kill oneself is odd since the weapons used against the target.
i'll work on it.
thanks for the advice.
can i use a few of the ideas you have put here?
When the king heard of what had happened he was shocked and because he placed such trust in the high mage he agreed with
him that he should be exiled from the city of his birth.
his heart and mind consumed with fury, he turned to darkness.
In these two sentances I see a few to many pronouns. A good submission nonetheless.
There's... Quite a bit of coincidental things here. He just happens to know a nigh-untraceable killer who poses as a merchant? The king, having trusted him with such a high position in the first place, takes it at face value that the mage intended to kill him and seize the throne? A large number of people angling for the throne, all in cahoots, none of whom think that perhaps allying themselves with this potent mage and turning in their allies might get them a better clear shot at the throne? It seems more than a bit implausible to me, to be honest.
Also, if you were to wait a few hours for the dagger's blade to dissolve, I'm fairly sure the corpse's blood will be well on the way to congealing within the body, rather than fluid enough to have anything dissolved in it. Likewise, as was mentioned before, if the mage just wanted revenge, what exactly is the point of the dagger's hilt dissolving to become the home of a 'death wraith'?
And one particular nitpick on spelling/word choice: dissolvement? I get what you're intending with it, but 'dissolving' and 'dissolution' are both perfectly functional words for it.
yeah im gonna scap this and start it afresh.
it may take a while, and ill only do it in smalll chunks.
A vengeful mage gives his enemies some cursed daggers. They drive you paranoid and suicidal, and when you slash someone with it, I guess the person fades out over time. If you stab them in the brain with it, do they fade out instantly?
Still a few holes. Why does he want to summon a death god? What plot was he uncovering with the captain of the guard?
While it might need polish, shine and work, I don't see anything about this sub that would warrant it being removed through the challenge system.
I don't understand why this has been challenged. I wish people would have the decency to say that they are challenging it and why.
I admit, it could do with a few updates. I will see what can be done.
Checking again, it looks like the challenge has been resolved.
This came up in my 'UNVOTED by' section, and after taking a read through it I fail to see why this has received a low score. Yes, more work could be done to improve it, but it isn't that bad, is it?
In any case, I hope to see some more work done on this. As it stands I will give it a 3.0/5
Not bad, the daggers create a nice little forced plot hook should a PC be wounded by one. Plus i like things with a story to them.
An interesting twist would be that the current king is declared mentally unfit to rule due to his paranoia reaching levels beyond anything that could be considered mentally healthy. As such he is placed in a loony bin where healers are trying to figure out the cause of his condition.