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Comments: 11
Ideas: 0
Rating: 4.3333
Condition: Normal
ID: 1509


March 1, 2006, 4:16 pm

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Estate Sale - Lot 15


“And now Ladies, Lords, and Gentlemen,” I bring your attention to Lot 15. This is nice collection of goods that I am sure you will find interesting. If you see anything that peaks your interest, buy it and the entire lot for cheap. Now I start the bidding at .....”

Mirror of Inevitability Ornate haging wall mirror, complete with polished silver backing, antique brass frame, and several years of tarnish. Anyone looking in the mirror will see themselves reduced to a withered, rotted corpse. Other than that, it has no magic. The mirror has to be polished before any sort of reflection can be seen in it, and that task should take some time to complete.

Haunted Chamberpot Obsessed with the thought of releaving himself on his foes, the champion of immortal evil bound the spirit of a hated enemy into the confines of a very finely made chamberpot, in fact, the finest chamberpot this side of the king’s constitutional. When the pot is ‘used’ it emits horrified sounds, howls, and screams. Imagine trying to use that first thing in the morning!

Fine Leather Gloves These gloves are very comfortable, and well fitting to the first person who tries them on. After prolonged wearing, the PC discovers a sudden ability to pick pockets, do sleight of hand tricks, and pick locks. Closer examination will reveal the gloves to be made of human skin, taken from the hands of a master thief who ran afoul of the Champion of Immortal Evil.

Dinnerwear of the Damned Crafted from tortured souls fused with steel and magic, this is a full set of plates, cups, bowls, and saucers. Each contains a soul that cries to be released, and really makes horrible groanings and moanings when someone scratches a fork, or knife across the surface to hard.

Sausage Grinder of Immaculate Taste Perhaps the Champion of Immortal Evil was a chef of some skill. The meat grinder was enchanted to propperly season the meat inserted into it to make the best tasting sausage, depending on the blend of meat used. PCs find sausage made from beef, pork, and poultry have no flavor added to them, as the grinder was never used for such fare. Perhaps it can learn, or they will discover it’s other talents for sausage making. Elven links anyone?

Portraits, and paintings A large collection of assorted family portraits, and perhaps portraits of people defeated, destroyed, or killed by the Champion of Immortal Evil. Some other art pieces could include macabre interpretations of religious texts, paintings of torture, and dismemberment, or pastoral scenes with many fluffy rabbits and general cuteness.

Evil Wizard’s Wardrobe An impressive collection of robes, casual clothing, cloaks, and the like. As cutting edge, or painfully out of fashion as desired. Most have unpleasant odors, or lingering stains. Some others might be haunted with the ghost of pervious wearers who bemoan their defeat by the CoIE.

Zombie Whistle - an innocuous looking whistle fashioned from a smooth white material, bone to the experienced eye. When sounded in the proper tone causes corporeal undead to halt for as long as the tone is sounded. A left over from the days when the CoIE was still new to the art of sarcomancy.

Mummified Cat - one time familiar that sadly perished. The animal was solemnly wrapped in linens, and blessed with a form of immortal life, so that it would be able to continue serving the CoIE. Upon his death, the cat-mummy reverted to a dormant state and is now a quality museum piece.
Responds to the command word: Sassy

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Comments ( 11 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted MoonHunter
November 11, 2005, 17:26
I have to admit, I liked all these when they were in a thread. I still do now that they are a post.
Voted Cheka Man
November 11, 2005, 18:28
I want to buy them. LOL
Voted Pariah
November 11, 2005, 21:12
I love the eternal suffering of those who look the wrong way at the CoIE
Voted Murometz
March 18, 2006, 22:26
going once going twice...SOLD!
Voted Appaloosa
April 23, 2006, 20:37
Where can i invest in a good quality Mummifed cat? I've been needing one for some time now LOL
Voted valadaar
December 14, 2006, 11:31
Wonder if mummified cat would make good sausage? :)
December 14, 2006, 13:01
probably a bit on the dry side, if you ask me.
Voted Stephie
January 1, 2008, 20:19
Ahahahaha! I love the sausage grinder! You got some great creative ideas here.
August 20, 2010, 20:55
Ehh, truly a unique submission
Voted LadyElvan
February 27, 2012, 3:19
Only voted
Voted axlerowes
February 27, 2012, 6:05

These are funny. Dinnerware of the damned had to be my favorite. 

Friendly Edit:

haNging mirror

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Order of the Moonbeard

       By: valadaar

Among the assortment of organized criminals who live in the great city, few command greater fear the Moonbeard Order.

They of course do not call themselves that, but have earned the moniker from their fashion of dying their large beards with lye to produce a distinctive crescent shape running from earlobe to earlobe. This is meant as a taunt for their enemies, for it clearly outlines their throats.

They also wear garb similar to the northern tribesman, carefully tooled leather and showing multiple, colourful glyphs.

They are feared due to the intense discipline that their group maintains, due to their origins as a warrior-sect.

They serve as paid thugs, enforcers and assassins within the city, with the client simply ordering a service from the organization, not hiring an individual. Apart from making the request and providing payment in full in advance, the order completes the assignment themselves.

Their order has many moles through the organizations of the city, and more than a couple of nobles. As such, no organized move has been made against them since their chief activity is directed against other members of the crime world. It is said that their services have been useful for those in power as well, further protecting them from persecution.

Their religion holds that their time in this world is vanishingly brief, and largely unimportant except as training for the Great Battle.

The order is very utilitarian with weapons choice - they simply use the tool needed for the occasion, though not without having trained extensively with it beforehand. Daggers, garrottes, swords, bows, battle axes, polearms, wagons, even siege engines have been used to carry out their contracts.

Encounter  ( City/ Ruin ) | January 24, 2014 | View | UpVote 5xp

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