15 Votes


Hits: 10048
Comments: 12
Ideas: 0
Rating: 4.3333
Condition: Normal
ID: 611


October 28, 2005, 2:29 pm

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Cheka Man

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Drow Spider Jerky


Thin, tough, gummy almost to a point of rubber, and pitch black in color, it was only by sheer accident that anyone outside the drow race ever learned it was food.

Gareth left the little frightened village of Nightfall in the company of disreputable, but tenacious and well armed mercenaries, to search the drow caves for boys that had gone missing from the village. Gareth was the only one that had returned alive.

The mercenaries had managed to ambush a small Drow escort partol. Gareth, being a trader and jack of all trades, not a fighter, stayed back to observe. The mercenaries suffered some losses, but out numbered the drow so overwhelmingly that they managed to win. Helping sort through the bodies and loot for his half of a fighters share, Gareth found a necklace on a Drow preistess, and the pendant was a small boy’s hand. When he showed the necklace to the mercenaries, they had laughed and said “One more good reason not to return. We’ve already been paid, but messengers bringing bad news get no reward.”

When Gareth had objected, the mercenaries had knocked him out and bound him, leaving him for spider bait for when the Drow searched for their patrol. Having no rope, they improvised bindings out of coils of stranger Drow rope they had found.

Gareth had awoke bound and gagged with his mouth dry from his injury. He struggled in his bonds, but when they didn’t give, he had bit down on his gag in frustration. To his surprise it had given some, and to his larger surprise, the chewing moistened his mouth, letting him taste the material that had been used to gag him. It was heavenly.

Gareth had chewed though his gag, almost with regret, and then carefully bitten through his bindings before collecting them and all the material he could find and returning to town.

He let the villagers know thier children were dead, and barely managed to get out of town with out being lynched, and then traveled to major cities and traded off his rare food stuff to the most exclusive and high class chefs in the land.


It’s food.

It does not confer any special drow powers, any resistance to posion, you can’t see in the dark, you don’t turn into a spider or drow or anything interesting.

Since it is just a foodstuff, the drow have never seen the need to put any “disintergrates in sunlight” magics on it. It spoils as fast as jerky normally spoils.

It’s food.

It’s delicious food, though. If you manage to be on friendly enough relations with a drow to ask them about it they’ll say “What do you expect us to eat? Slugs and mushrooms? We have lots of spiders, our god provides them you see, but do you have any idea how bad they taste? We are elves still after all. You wouldn’t believe what you have to do to make a giant spider taste good.”

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Comments ( 12 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

March 11, 2005, 5:32
Very entertaining, and very logical: even those stereotyped drowish evil guys have to eat something, and it need not be poisonous, weird-tasting, and with potent magical powers. *rolls eyes*

Also, if other differences are sorted out, it would make excellent business.

(Voted a 3, but now feeling drawn to a 4, just for the fun of it.)
March 11, 2005, 9:42
Want to put up a psuedo recipe in the ... A dash of salt thread?

(Heck most of this post can be recopied into that one)
Dragon Lord
March 11, 2005, 10:39
Of course everybody's got to eat something.

What you eat is largely define by what's available to you and people who spend all their lives underground have a pretty limited selection.

As for eating spiders - well they're protein after all, so why not?

BTW - I quite liked the bit about spiders tasting awful - I wonder what it is the drow do to hide the taste

Defiantly a 4
March 11, 2005, 16:10
excuse me, but does it come in teriyaki?

Cheka Man
March 13, 2005, 18:07
I never thought anything good would come from drow. 5/5
March 15, 2005, 21:33
Now I want some jerky. Seriously.
March 28, 2005, 16:15
I like it.
Voted Roack
July 28, 2005, 18:20
*starts drooling*
Voted Sigurd
January 18, 2006, 0:50
Authentic, reasonable and great flavour. (The Idea not the jerky)

Really like it.

Voted Wulfhere
September 11, 2006, 2:02
It makes me wonder what other mysteries of Drow cuisine remain to be discovered...
Voted Cheka Man
February 23, 2007, 18:36
Yum yum, tasty.
Voted manfred
May 6, 2008, 17:49
Time to up my vote. And you know after tasting this there will be merchants trying to do business with those evil Dark-Elves. Yum, another plot hook!

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Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

       By: Raptyr

Nine times out of ten, it’s the undead that do the running.

Not strictly animal or vegetable, the Corpse bud is a peculiar individual that shares characteristics from multiple kingdoms and species. In appearance, all corpse buds bear a shape of a large rounded top bud divided into four lateral segments, and a much longer, narrower bottom bud, also divided into four segments. Between the two halves are a set of four radial limbs, rounded on top and flat on the bottom, covered with tiny serrated hooks facing towards the body. In overall size, it’s limbs reach as wide as a spread hand, with the body being as thick as a fist. It is as long as a human hand from top to bottom.

Internally, the top bud of the corpse bud contains a bacteria filled membrane that produces the hydrogen that the corpse bud uses to stay aloft, and a series of fungal gills for the dispersal of spores for reproduction. The lower half of the bud contains a number of fine filaments, as well as a sharp barbed stinger containing a powerful local anaesthesia.

The Corpse Bud mobilizes by inflating its top bud, and steers by rotating its arms rapidly about its body. The corpse bud ordinarily drifts with the wind, orienting towards the scent of recent decay and death. It preys on the recently dead, burrowing the lower bud into the victim, using the anaesthesia in case the victim is dying, and not truly deceased. Once embedded, it releases its filaments into the body, replacing the current nervous system. This gives it full animation of the body, and allows the corpse bud to direct it.

Corpse buds are not a malevolent species, being primarily concerned with breaking down the host body for food, and infecting the reproductive cycle with spores in order to mate with other corpse-bud bodies. To preserve the corpse for this purpose, Corpse buds will seek out dry locations to prevent bacteria from destroying the corpses. This often causes a large number of corpse buds to gather in a single location.

In culture, Corpse buds are used to repair broken spines or degenerative diseases, as the sentient mind will easily overcome the mind of the non-sentient corpse bud. Once infected by a corpse bud, however, removal is usually fatal, and the infected individual cannot reproduce, or risk infecting another. Thus, it is a technique often reserved for the elderly, or a last resort.

Necromancers and other dark sorcerers will often preserve the corpses of their victims magically, and infect them with corpse buds, creating traditional undead as well, so as to seed their lairs with undead both offensive and non, in order to throw their enemies off balance. They will also enslave the rudimentary minds of the corpse buds, and transform the docile things into a plague. There have also been accounts of magically transformed corpse buds with stronger minds and a taste for living flesh, but thus far all accounts are unproven rumors.

Ideas  ( Lifeforms ) | October 12, 2011 | View | UpVote 3xp

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