Melee Weapons
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Comments: 6
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Rating: 2.1667
Condition: Normal
ID: 3131


January 16, 2007, 5:13 pm

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Claymore of a mourning son


Such a bloodied claymore has history way back through lines of father and son. In fact only one place near the handle still holds a metal tone, because of a magical barrier, and it has ingraved in it words that forever speak out to the swords bearer. Those words, like a guilty memory, can never be forgot.
“Thou who shall kill a sons father, shall then be killed by a fathers son.”

Full Item Description
Many many years of war have been waged and so many men have died. It seems he who carries the Mournful sword survives every war. Any bearer of the cursed sword soaks the souls of each and every kill he makes and with it their rage grows within the sword making it impossible to wield by man. No man can remember when the sword could be wielded by one hand; Now even the bearer must use two. A berserkly God the bearer becomes, a god of war.
Far to the east in a land of perilous magic a tiny village sits in a small valley between the mountains of creation. Not many of the farmers who lived there had any skill with a blade. Most could shoot a bow or throw stones but it was not a needed skill so far from evil and war. The tiny village had a leader who was once a glorious war hero who lost taste in fighting for kings and glory. He settled down away from terror and brought those who wished to follow with him. It has been many years since he has picked up a sword or wielded armor on his back. He was now a father of a strong boy who is very curious of the outer world and wants to test his skill with a sword, too young. Trying to keep him in such a small place may become difficult in years to come.

And so life continued for the village folk and mouths were fed rather well since all worked hard. But after a Harvest one fateful year, terror finally reached out to the abstruse village by strange coincidence. Without warning and without care, The God of war ravaged through the village destroying everyone in sight. As many people that could escape the Berserkers rage, ran to the hut of the once bold warrior who has retrieved his Axe upon which many have been slain before. He could not wear the armor though, his age took a tole on his body but; His son wears it upon his back and carries a sword although it has never seen battle.

As the god of war finally reaches the hut after destroying everything in his path, the 10 farmers left are ready to take a stand. The axes master carries the villagers into battle with his son not far behind. Arrows broke at the magical armor worn by the god and the eager sons first strike shattered his puny sword against the helmet of his enemy. Looking for a good place to strike, the veteran hero circles around the berserker dodging heavy blows that would kill every time. Without a weapon the young boy tested his courage and tries to tackle the treacherous god. Now a swing is directed away from the hero and to his son. The hero quickly throws down his axe and pushes his son out of the swords reach. The hero takes a lethal blow to his middle back which came out his lower stomach. The gods sword pierced the ground at a slight angel still in between the torso and legs of the dead hero. At the same time the berserker fell to his knees and let go his mighty sword. His magical armor vanished and a puny and feckless farmer, from some other village, replaced the mighty god.

While the heroes son takes his eyes off his fathers corpse, they become myopic to the sword jammed into the ground. Even through his distraught, the boys anger took over, only concerned with revenge. In one quick motion the boy starts at a quick run to the feckless farmer and he set out to grab the sword. One hand would not pull out the sword from its sheath in the earth, and the boy stops to put two hands on. As soon as both hands were touching the sword the young boys eyes began to glow red and light project to the heavens. His entire body grew to a mans size and he now wielded the mighty raiment once seen on his enemy.

Now a new God of war has risen. The gods attention turned first to the feckless farmer still on his knees and near death from fatigue. He raised his mighty sword. One swing as if he was handling a plow cleaned the farmers head right into the dirt, but the god let go his cursed sword while finishing his swing. It flew into the mountains behind the village and pierced the rock face. the sword pushed through all the way to the handle so that none of the bloodied claymore could be seen but its magnificent handle.

The god fell on his face and on the way down transformed into a boy again. The curse was broken for the young boy because he took his revenge for his fathers death. Lets hope no man ever tries to wield the claymore stuck into the rock. If it ever is in a mans possession again, who knows if they will be as lucky as this village.
Magic/Cursed Properties

Every bearer is immortal and gains all the powers of all the souls once killed before his time. Every new warrior who wields the curse is stronger than those before him. Every bearer is covered in a magical suit of armor impenetrable by any melee attack or magic. Absolute war will continue to be waged as long as their is a bearer to the sword because he who controls it cannot be controlled.

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Comments ( 6 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Wulfhere
September 24, 2006, 19:11
Each of your submissions has been better than the one before. This has definite promise, but will still benefit from editing.

The well-known author Clark Ashton Smith used to read all his tales aloud to himself before he finished them, so that he could tell if he had polished them to perfection; I recommend that you do so as well. You may also want to have someone else review your tales before you submit them: It's easy to find faults in someone else's writing, but hard to see your own.

If I understand it correctly, the weapon is an accursed blade that makes its bearer invulnerable, an invincible killing machine until he slays a father in the presence of the man's son. Epic, but probably too potent. Does it drive the son to pick it up or can the chain be broken? Can any power supress the thing's magic?

This can be usable as a challenge to the heroes, but more information is needed about how to take it down. Obviously, a head-on attack would be futile, but perhaps the wielder could be disarmed or lured into a trap. Does this juggernaut of destruction require food or air?

By presenting more information about what the wielder isn't capable of doing, you give the gamemaster clues that they can present to make this a more interesting challenge for the players.
September 24, 2006, 19:39
thank you for the comment. You understood my writing and for that I am happy. I see though that I did not completely create the story and I will fix it.
Voted Cheka Man
September 24, 2006, 22:43
Only voted
September 27, 2006, 20:32
Updated: OK.....I spent a few days away from this piece to try and get a clear mind. I think I may have accomplished what was fowling this story. Check it out and let me know...Thanks
September 29, 2006, 13:00
Holding my vote and such, until you edit again.

Might I suggest a less poetic structure. Part of the difficulty I had in reading was that this piece tends to "jump back" in a couple of places. Each idea should flow from the next, until that idea is played out and either the post is ended OR another idea is added to it. This would create a more chronologic order to the piece.

Now to some specific:
Full Item description does not describe the item at all. It describes the effect. So is this a beaten and knocked blade Claymore, or a shiny obviously magical weapon?

The other text is not clear about the son to father element at all. That is vital to the piece and is the most obscure part you have written.
Voted valadaar
May 29, 2013, 10:55
This is interesting, though it falls into cliche with the powerful sword that feeds on souls, ground which has been gone over a few too many times.

The text is rich with unusual adjectives and adverbs - feckless, myopic, etc but needs work on general structure and spelling.

It shows potential. Since its been more then seven years since this was written, It would be awesome to see what you can do now.

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