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February 7, 2015, 10:38 pm

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Queen Llaewyn Reborn

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'Llaewyn the Fair she was in her youth, in all truth a lover of mine. Though that boast is not mine alone, she was the beloved of many. And joyous, most joyous in form and deed. Till the time of her father's death. She alone sat by the auld king's bed and soothed his fevered brow though ever cruel in life was he. Cruel to all but Llaewyn to whom he gave every comfort and protection his world had to offer. The Fair One walked into the chamber of his last breath and the Black Queen walked out.' -Spectre of the Courtier

'Llaewyn the Fair she was in her youth, in all truth a lover of mine. Though that boast is not mine alone, she was the beloved of many. And joyous, most joyous in form and deed. Till the time of her father's death. She alone sat by the auld king's bed and soothed his fevered brow though ever cruel in life was he. Cruel to all but Llaewyn to whom he gave every comfort and protection his world had to offer. The Fair One walked into the chamber of his last breath and the Black Queen walked out.' -Spectre of the Courtier

'We knew she'd cast the spell. We labored. In vain We labored to disrupt it. In utmost agonies We saw the signs. Earth black as pitch, snow falleth in mid summer's day, restless dead arising to the call of their master, though that master was no more. Oh We knew. Our lying tongues plied the others with pretty tales of everlasting peace and prosperity, told the sightless ones she was gone in body and spirit. Destroyed. We told none of our failure and thus prepared none for the return. We, the Accursed, knew she'd cast the spell....' -Hawk-nosed ghostly woman in deep cowled blue robe dusted with stars.

Along an old road, paved with stones pulled from many fields as they were ploughed, a road roughly but devotedly tended by local farmers there happened an event. An event of such magnificent impact to whole kingdoms both human and non, that it was really quite striking how insignificant it seemed at the time. In the year of the great harvest moon was born a babe with a mark in the shape of a raven. A birth that was prophesied so many thousands of years before that only one sage possesed the slim black book written in the time of the Black Sorceror-Queen Llaewyn which foretold the coming of the Reborn Soul. It was written in the years close following her death and with it the death of the last of the Mage-Kings of Halthor. Little written survived the purge of knowledge, burned in fire and hate were all the records and words that came of a legacy of blood, gluttony, and insanity that was, in the end, the only lasting memory of the mage kings. The slim book, written by an illiterate peasant woman, in small scratches and blurred with age, describes the babe in briefest of words.

'the dark soul born by the Fair shall be rewhelped in fields of yellow under the crescent sun stars to the east and south in the year of the Great Moon's harvest. ye shall know it by the dark bird that flies upon the skin of it's left...' the rest is blurred and unreadable

So it was when the event that shook the skies and ripped open the earth to spew out it's dead was began, none took notice. Save one.



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Comments ( 6 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Dragonlordmax
February 8, 2015, 17:01
1xp
I think this one still needs a bit of work - the style is good, but there's no substance. It's kind of like the trailer for a movie.

What I mean is "What's the plot here?" There was a woman, then her father died, then she cast some kind of spells, and now she was reborn? You make ominous references to her rebirth, but you haven't developed her or the event well enough to make them ominous.

Is she going to take over the world? Try to resurrect her father (and would that be bad)? Restore the apparently bad rule of the Mage-Kings? Is she a really powerful wizard? A goddess? A sign of the apocalypse?
Voted axlerowes
February 8, 2015, 21:37
0xp

A beautiful faired haired lady, maybe the king's daughter, maybe an impostor... but definitely the child of a dark prophesy inherits a kingdom and then starts raising the dead. There is also a move from the fair to the black, an important costume change when becoming evil. Just listing the facts she sounds like Smurfet in reverse

I agree with D.L.M. that this does sound more like a movie trailer and book jacket than most of the plot posts on the citadel. But as a barebones plot it is not a bad idea and I enjoyed the prose a lot. Some of these descriptions will stick with me for a long time, nice first post. If we view it as a preview piece (as DLM & I both agree it resembles) it makes me more excited about the things you will write in the future than using this in game.

Isharii
February 9, 2015, 6:23
1xp
Thanks, I am looking for other opinions to bounce off what I'm working on so I appreciate any feedback. I plan to develop this further into a full campaign starting with a group of level 1s and going thru several of the signs of the apocalypse/rebirth with possible side quests in the same zone by henchmen/alts.
Signs would include; the dead rising, prophecy spoken by random townsfolk and written on walls, locusts, towns with no births in 10 years, famine, random signs of doom, etc...
The Idea was that it's sort of a soul that jumped from Mage-king to heirs for awhile, ended up taking over Llaewyn in the past and was disrupted before it could jump again, but not before getting off a spell that would allow for a later reincarnation. That is a major climax and I'm still filling in the long quest to get there.
If one were to jump to end of game content, the thought was to have the players directing, in part, troop movements in an effort to infiltrate a populated stronghold with a small group of heroes(the party) and neutralize her before she reaches her full potential.
OR
Gather artifacts from her original time period to cast a spell sending the party back to alter the course of history by killing Llaewyn only to discover she's an innocent who was the victim of body snatching thus leaving them with the choice of trying to save her or kill her. In that case, she'd have a strong will struggling for dominance over her body and either make the choice that much more difficult or allow her to help the party in some ways.
Voted Murometz
February 11, 2015, 10:55
0xp

I was just going to add, some nice use of prose in this piece! I like the campaign thoughts as well. And welcome Isharii!!

Voted valadaar
February 13, 2015, 11:55
0xp
Love the style, but the end result is murky. A formally 'good' princess comes out as Maleficent?

Voted Aramax
February 13, 2015, 12:45
0xp
Very nicely done incomplete thought 3.5/5 purely for style


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