Pra'Eimus, the Grand Archer
' Not all arrows hit their target, and not all bows are designed to make the arrow flew farther, but not all targets can evade, if you do it right... ' - Pra'Eimus
EARLY LIFE OF PRA'EIMUS
Pra'Eimus or also known as Prudante Eismus was born five years after Suhyl was born. He grew up in a remote village, that are located to the northeast of the main capital of Ashantar , where he spent most of his childhood with his mother. Prudante's father, Pluthus was an Elven traveller that spent most of his times on seas and roam the vast land of Altravan. His mother, Joanne Capra, was a well respected merchant and widely known for her talent on arts and singing. This ability was passed down to Prudante by his mother during his childhood years.
At the age six, Prudante was sent to a local school to study arts. He grew to love arts, and soon, he inherit his mother's talent at the age of twelve. Prudante loves to sing in public to share all of his loveable poems and emotional lyrics. Because of this, the village grew to gain a lot of attention from nobles and merchants from every corner of the world. People started to love him. Flyers were spread through every corner of the continent. His father soon noticed about the flyers, and returned home as soon as he knew, that the flyers is about his beloved son.
Two months after Prudante grew popular. Pluthus and Joanne stood before him. It was an awkward moment for him, as he kept wondering, who's that elf, that stand beside and holding his mother's hand. After a long explaination, he soon knew that the elf, is actually his father. Pluthus expected he would be mad or somewhat depress to see that his father aren't actually a normal human, but for Prudante, he carved a smile and were very thankful to had a chance to know his father.
Starting from that moment, Pluthus, sworn not to leave the village, as he wanted to see his only son grew to be a man someday.
PREFERRED WEAPONS
Pru'Eimus' passion for bow and arrows drove him to train archery at the age of sixteen. His first bow was carved bu his own father, and named it, Iwigna Ashan Taeli or known as Wing's of Ashantar. But the bow was breaked into half during the battle with a deathlord on Dark Isle. Pru'Eimus was injured badly during that day.
A month after recovering from his injury, which is exactly the day of his birthday, Avnon and Pivon had recovered Iwigna Ashan Taeli back in a good shape, as a gift for his birthday. In the other hand, some says, Pru'Eimus was given a relic bow, known as the Archlight. Directly given from Imphtus himself, for his bravery fighting the Spider Religion' warlord.
BATTLE ATTENDED
Since Prudante was positioned on Conrad's squad, together with Avnon and Pivon, with the others, his role are more focused on scouting and patrolling the area. But a few years after he was nominated as a Captain and given a squad, Prudante had given a role to his own squad. As a Recon Squad. At the beginning of the squad, Prudante had exactly 22 men. All of them are highly skilled and are very able at high speed reaction.
Battle of Cicentaile
Like Avnon and Pivon, Battle of Cicentaile is Prudante' first battle. Not like any other warriors, Prudante' role in this battle are more to a mere scout. Any information he carried could change the tide of war that day. Realizing that his role is way bigger than any other warrior on that field that day, he was very commited to do his apart. He even willing to climb a hill just to gain a sight on the Orcish preserved army that day. Because of this commitment, he had saved thousands of Ashantarian that day.
After Conrad was informed about this, Prudante was given about 300 archers to weakened the preserved army of the Orc. The battle was cut to a short length that day, when Chief Galarg was slain by Avnon and Pivon. His head was piked in front of the Orcish horde.
Investigation of Dark Isle
Two weeks after attending the battle on Cicentaile, Prudante was given another task to investigate the mysterious island to the east of Ashantar. He was assisted by the king's son Prince Fendrel, Eyrina the Elven Princess and Costrom. But the mission was ruined (Costrom the Betrayer had exposed them to Deathlord Zarananx). The three had no choice but to fight the ghostly minions of Zarananx. Prudante was injured. His chest was badly cut by the ghostly figurine and his right arm was fractured.
The mission was almost a failure, until Avnon and his squad reinforced them. This is the moment where Avnon turned skeptical about Costrom. The mission then, was carried by Avnon and his squad. It was a success mission, but Avnon had addresses all the credits to Prudante. After he was recovered from his injury, he was surprised that his beloved bow were back in shape.
They were shocked that Deathlord stood and realize their presence on the island. Who would've told the Deathlord about their presence? Costrom cynically smile in silence under the shadow of the island itself. The red burning eyes had trembled their very soul. But for the mission sake, Prudante decided to fight. He grabbed his arrow and shoots them towards the Deathlord. But non of the attack seems to weakens the Deathlord. After awhile fighting, the Deathlord summons his minions onto the battlefield. Luck wasn't on his behalf that day. He was badly cut on the chest by the Deathlord during their skirmish. His right arm was badly fractured. Watching Prudante fell down to the earth, the prince nearly giving out all hopes.
But the light smiles upon them. Avnon and his squad appears from the mist to help them and reinforced the fight. Victory was at their hand. The Deathlord had no choice but to retreat to the dark woods on the isle. Insisting he would continue the mission for them, Avnon asks Fendrel to bring Prudante to his campsite to receive a treatment. After the mission was a huge success, Avnon, address all the credits to Prudante. The words spread through out the empire. A month after recovering from the injury, Prudante was a hero. The first among the youngsters to have receive the glorious Silver Wing emblem.
* A crackling sounds came from behind *
Eyrina : Fendrel! Prudante! Look!
* It was the Deathlord. Zarananx. A living pain on the face of the world, A living shadow that devour the world. Zarananx, a dark lord that took advantage from the Dark Isle *
Prudante : Zarananx, the Deathlord. Brace yourselves!
* The skirmish begun. But non of the attack seems to affect the Deathlord *
Fendrel : Now, we are outnumbered. The ghostly minions. The Afterlife!
Prudante : Costrom, go and initiate the bat.... Costrom?
* Costrom was nowhere to be seen. Where is he? He was nowhere to be seen at a time like this? *
Fendrel : Eyrina! Where is Costrom?
* In all of sudden, Zarananx flashed in front of Prudante, and cut his chest and slam his right arm with his massive dark metal shield. Prudante fell to the earth. Critically injured *
Fendrel : No!! Prudante!!
* The prince almost lost hopes. He started to questioned himself, what will happen if Prudante dies? What about the promises he made to his family that he will keep harms away from Prudante? But when all hopes seems lost, Avnon and his squad appeared from the misty forest. *
Fendrel : Avnon?
Avnon : I will handle this! Take Prudante to the camp by the shore! Eyrina! Go now!
Eyrina : But what about you?
Pivon : Don't worry about us. We'll carry the mission for you. Bring him to the shore now!
Fendrel : Thank you, the both of you... I thank you...
Avnon : Thanking someone can be said in later times your Highness, but having a good man is only once in this life... Go now~ We will handle this....
* The mission was then carried by Avnon and Pivon. They managed to defeat the Deathlord and his minions. But the Deathlord retreat to the deep misty jungles. But the brothers shows no mercy, they followed Zarananx to his very lair, and slay him there. *
Avnon : Your terrifying scheme ends here demon.
Zarananx : Slaying a lesser demon, won't change his plan from taking this world, mortal... Mark my word...
Avnon : Then mark word, we won't let that happen... (whispering to the Deathlord)
Pivon : Who did he refer to?
Avnon : His?
Pivon : Yes brother~
Avnon : Felenthur... And his son, is somewhere around us...
Pivon : Who's on your mind?
Avnon : It is rather hard to say... Sometimes it is just like a glimpse... But, I know, he is one of the Seven Star Sword bearer...
Pivon : One of us?
Avnon : You were chosen to be one of the bearer Pivon, identify him...
Pivon : How about you?
Avnon : I still need to seek council from the Farons...
Pivon : Again with your imaginary friend? Broth...
Avnon : When the times right, they shall show themselves to you... But for now, they rather keep it a secret... Beside, Prudante's life is our priority... We should be heading to the camp... Inform the others, we are going back...
* Avnon and Pivon returns with a glorious victory. Zarananx head was piked gloriously at the middle of the campsite. Prudante's name was shouted quite a number of times. A month after the tragedy, exactly at his birthday, his beloved bow was recovered to a good shape by the brothers. *
Prudante : Iwigna Ashan Taeli! You've fixed it! How can thank you for this Avnon?
Avnon : It wasn't a one man project...
Pivon : I stained my blood there too while fixing your bow Prudante...
Prudante : Thank you, the both of you! I really appreciate this...
Conrad : Your success on the isle, worth a thousand more than just a mere appreciation Prudante... You deserve more~
Prudante : But it wasn't...
Pivon : It was a great experience ever! (Cutting Prudante's line) Prudante did great, isn't it brother?
Avnon : Absolutely... You are the right hero for the mission my friend...
Rethernas II : I had heard of great rumours about your success Prudante... Thus, I shall grant you this! The Silver Wing emblem!
* Everyone cheers happily for their injured friend. Being the first one who were granted the Silver Wing was a great honour. But, Prudante, knows, that Avnon and Pivon won't take the credit for themselves. *
Prudante : I know, you completed the mission Avnon... You are the one who should be receiving the emblem
Avnon : You deserve something great... my brother and I came just to help... Beside this brotherhood instinct had led me to you...
Prudante : I owe you both more than this...
Pivon : Since you had en elven blood... Perhaps introduce us an Elven women would help?
* Starting from that day, their brotherhood grew stronger. *
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? Responses (5)
Apologies, but I feel you should spellcheck this. Will withhold my vote for the time being.
I have to agree with Gossamer. Also, since I understand English is not your first language, I would suggest using a word processor (libreoffice is free) that includes grammar checking.
The meaning is reasonably clear, but the shifting of tenses and the absence of 'ed in various places is too distracting to give the idea itself a proper review.
Please let me know if you would like line-by-line feedback on this one. :)
Not bothered by the spelling, personally. The grammar occasionally has a odd cadence to it, but nothing world ending.
However, The story is very cliche, and in some cases sickeningly sweet. Good triumps evil in the end, obvious traitor, 'I'm just the beginning line'. Cliches and tropes can be used to good effect, so out and out avoidance is not the answer (not to mention being impossible), but still, mess with things a little, make it your own. Twist things a bit.
Going off the title: Maybe the bow his father does not shoot straight, but somehow the arrow always ends up where it needs to be? A relic bow is mentioned in passing, but then forgotten. Use that. Or something else, but mess with it a little.
Throw a few failures in to make the victory sweeter. Bittersweet is also good, if the cost was high. Maybe the family life does not end in rainbows and sugardrops. I'm not saying DARKER AND EDGIER RA RA RA but to much 'light' is a issue too.
Not bothered by the spelling, personally. The grammar occasionally has a odd cadence to it, but nothing world ending.
However, The story is very cliche, and in some cases sickeningly sweet. Good triumps evil in the end, obvious traitor, 'I'm just the beginning line'. Cliches and tropes can be used to good effect, so out and out avoidance is not the answer (not to mention being impossible), but still, mess with things a little, make it your own. Twist things a bit.
Going off the title: Maybe the bow his father does not shoot straight, but somehow the arrow always ends up where it needs to be? A relic bow is mentioned in passing, but then forgotten. Use that. Or something else, but mess with it a little.
Throw a few failures in to make the victory sweeter. Bittersweet is also good, if the cost was high. Maybe the family life does not end in rainbows and sugardrops. I'm not saying DARKER AND EDGIER RA RA RA but to much 'light' is a issue too.
I can respect the passion that went into this. These characters are obviously very special to you and I appreciate your desire to share them with the rest of us.
As with Darkstand, I'm not at all concerned with the spelling or the grammar. Those are not as important to me as the idea.
There are some intriguing elements to the ideas you present here; I only wish there was more to it. If there's any suggestion I would make, it is this: you have the core of an idea but it needs more details to make it feel complete.