Humor/ Editorial
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Ideas: 4
Rating: 3.5
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ID: 4231


December 12, 2007, 5:18 pm

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Kung-Fu Training Techniques


"Yes, my kung-fu is strong. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to learn this style…"

Don’t want to sound negative, but there are only so many places where a true fighter can learn the martial arts:

- First, there is the ancient temple, a place of peace where monks break stones with their head. No comment necessary.

- Second, your old, seemingly senile neighbor that happens to have visited that temple. He will take you in when someone beats you up.

- Third… well, there are other rare options, like visiting a school or teaching yourself from a book, but those really come back to the other two options.

Luckily, what kung-fu study seems to lack in locations, it makes up with plenty of creative exercises, that’ll teach the adept to fight! Please help to extend this repository of useful techniques, that instruct in the arts of balance, throwing, catching, dealing and receiving blows, using weapons, learning how to avoid them, and not to forget the philosophical lessons that are at least as important.

(Unless you haven’t noticed already, this is primarily a silly submission.)

Additional Ideas (4)

- The swatting school: the students have tiny rooms close to open, still water. After they return from a long, tiring day of training, they will find their share if biting, sucking insects in them. Those who fail to find them all will have a very uncomfortable sleep.

- The climbing school: as a rule, there are NO stairs or ladders in this beautiful, tall complex. There will be some crippled masters among the staff anyway. (Especially good for the ninja training grounds.)

- The right of passage (seen in a movie): the student's access to the cantina has a large hole in the floor, filled with water. First there will be large packs of wood swimming in it, later smaller packs, then just pieces of wood. Have fun crossing them.

- The only way to reach the high priests of your temple/school is get through the lesser priests. (Hint: verbal arguments rarely work.)

- Your master insists that you carry three eggs under your cap during the whole day. That is all you can eat in the evening.

- Whenever you are tired, you can rest on a bed that only supports your head and legs.

- The kitchen personnel throws you your sticks with great precision. You better catch them or it will hurt.

- You learned your Drunken Boxing style in the Shaolin's Corner pub, but you had to pay the drinks.

2007-08-23 08:54 AM » Link: [4231#29507|text]
- The most revered of kung-fu techniques are named after animals, such as eagle claw, mantis, and tiger claw. Rather than have the would be warrior train in a mountain top school, the wise old master has given the warrior to be the task of surviving in the wild for a set amount of time where he or she must observe a certain animal to gain true insight into their desired technique. While this could be a bit tame for mantis style (why is Bob in the garden, again? Oh that's right he's learning kung-fu) it becomes more interesting when the warrior must climb trees to watch the eagle in the nest, or follow a tiger without being eaten.

2007-08-23 01:31 PM » Link: [4231#29528|text]
The Hair Technique - a set of exercises for students with particularly long hair, it will teach them to employ a few special moves, that can surprise even experienced warriors. The right equipment/hairstyling advice, and ways to relax one's neck are included.

2007-12-12 05:18 PM » Link: [4231#33029|text]
The biggest problem with studying in the Temple of Seven Shadows (a.k.a. the seat of the Purple Claw ninja clan) are not the lessons in masking, skulking, impersonating, attacking unexpectedly or disappearing. It's not getting along with the weird staff and the other students. It's not even the harrowing mystical and fighting techniques that make one a true ninja.

No, the biggest problem is simply to find the teachers.

2014-06-17 03:12 AM » Link: [4231#91600|text]
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Comments ( 2 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted valadaar
August 26, 2007, 14:31
Nice! Odd, but nice!
Voted Murometz
January 18, 2014, 0:48

Oh my goodness! I can add scrolls to this for years! :)

You have met your match, manfred and Scrasamax! My kung-fu is superior.


Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

       By: manfred

A small group of men stares intensely at something. Coming nearer, you see puppies, obviously still young, as they are small and only learn to walk. Cute as they are, the men look serious and exchange a comment here and there, making their mother nervous. But one man keeps her somewhat calm, while looking with others on the little ones.

The puppies are a completely new dog breed. The breeder hopes for better characteristics, the other men are mostly hunters and other dog-fanciers, that were called or came from own interest. If all looks well, they will have business. But now, they are just watching.

Encounter  ( City/ Ruin ) | October 6, 2004 | View | UpVote 1xp

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