Elven sword: warm to the touch, can cut through most thing's but not all, has a resistance to magic, but only a small amount of magic
elvish bow: This bow is of solid silver but is easy to bend and will return to the original shape after each arrow is fired. It has the power to melt the arrows to make them a boiling liquid which burns right through the enemy.
Faye is one of those type's of people, which can be easily mistaken for royalty, she wears a dark crimson cloak, which she wears the hood up most of the time, to hid her face.
When she does not have her hood up you can see a long lock of raven black hair which shines often blue in the sunlight, it is down to her hip and is usually tied up in a loose ponytail. Her eyes are light blue, her left eye is slightly clouded and she can not see properly out of it. Her skin is of a pale peach which make's her look like she does not get out much.
Her slim appearance make's her look like she doesn't eat properly, and is a tiny bit malnutritioned, but she isn't. She has a deep scar running down her left cheek, from where she had been attacked, she also has quite a few scars on her back and arm's. Faye has a bad gimp in her leg and she walks with a limp. She is 5,11 in height and 7,1/2 stone in weight. Faye would rather travel on her own, then have company but will also travel with others if needs be, she is often quiet and prefers to keep to herself, she dislikes, any person who uses magic in the way of evil, but she loves to travel to new and different places, exploring and swimming.
Faye is the only child of hermish, who was the king's highest elven warrior, he was killed when faye was only 5. Her mother kazoo died while she was giving birth to Faye. After her father was assassinated, Faye went looking for his killer, she meet up with a young mage Doreen, who taught her all about the magic she possessed, he also taught her to use her weapons properly.
After 7 years of training when Faye was 12, Doreen died from a heart attack and once again Faye was left on her own. She traveled around for 30 years going to different places and meeting different people. One of the people that she met was a priest who taught her "That no matter how lost you get in the darkness there will always be light where there is hope."
When she was 42 she had started to sell her services out for assassinations, not many people wanted her to do it for them but she did get a few desperate customers. After her first hiring, it changed her forever. She had found the first kill hard as she was scared that she would fail, she had never killed before and wasn't quite sure how she was supposed to do it.
After the first couple of kills Faye became dead to the pain in her heart that she was becoming as bad as her father's murderer's. She earned 7 silver coins each customer. Faye only accepted seven silver as she did not believe in taking anymore for the murder of people.
At one point while she was working it occurred to her that maybe the people who had murdered her father had accepted more than that to take a human life. She continued doing this for 74 years before beginningn her quest to find her father's assassin.
When she was 69 she met a man who was actually one of the people who she had been paid to kill. Faye had spared him and soon fell in love with him, they were due to marry, but he was torn from her by the oncoming war which her newly found home was caught up in.
Her love was forced to join the war as the king was bringing in any able-bodied man to fight for him. At some points in her life she believed that she could not cope and one of those times came when her love was taken from her to fight the war. She had stopped working as an assassin and had hidden in the house that she and her fiancÃ©e had gotten together. Faye would have joined the war herself but her lover had made her promise that she wouldn't, she felt that was the most she could do.
She has a slight disorder of not being able to control her own magic when she is upset, angry or any emotion which caused large amounts of feelings and becomes weak quickly when memories of her life come back to her.
Faye believes that one day she will once again find her true love and also seek revenge for her father. She is often depressed as she believes that she has become lower than the people who have caused her so much pain she also believes that the time will come for all evil to be vanquished into the darkness of oblivion.
Faye is very well trained in the art of bow and arrow and sword fighting. She can move about silently on elven feet and can see from a distance of 2leageaus.
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? Responses (13)-13
Callista Miala Moonshadow, and all you name the vengeance seeking elven warrior-princess Faye? My grandmothers name is Faye. She has a good description, and her abilities seem to rather on the heavy side.
She wants revenge for the death of her family, admirable. But aside from that information, we know nothing about her as a person. No individual quirks, likes or dislikes, measurements. What makes her different from the other magic using elven princesses out there in the ether of fantasy?
your right geez how can i have been so stupid, i left out all of that, god damn, grrrrrr i am so angry at myself, i was so tired when i was doing that i was noticing what i was doing, oh i could hit myself
Whoa, whoa, don't overreact. No need to rip out your eyes or something. It's just constructive criticism.
I see some problem with spelling and grammer, and the back ground is a little... undetailed... in some places, but overall it is a good post.
- Drackler Wyrmdragon
Updated: i have lowered her abillites and checked the spelling and grammar. This is all i can think of to change at the moment but if i can think of anything i will do it. :)
Well, whether her name is Faye or Mary Sue I still feel this one has a way to go yet.
She now has a family history, and a lot of tragic death around her. Seems fate has a way of tearing everyone she loves away from her, which may be a theme you could play upon: Her jinxed, ill-fortuned, nature.
But she still has that Mary Sue air to her; she is 19, already an adept mage and warrior. She has unnatural blue eyes and the skin of a ghost. She is super model thin, but fit nonetheless. Like anime manga Kate Moss crossbred with Chuck Norris.
What then am I trying to tell you?
Well, she is too much of a "I wish I was like that" person, and all too little "real". While we all dream of being perfect, those dreams are flawed and do not stand up to the close scrutiny of other GMs or that of your players.
Give Faye a disability, or a weakness. Make her more human... or elven. Perhaps she is greedy, perhaps she is frail. Not being able to control her magic sounds more cool than disabled and is not enough by a long shot.
That was my two cents.
Like others have said, this character has potential, although she does seem very powerful for her age.
I agree with what Ancient Gamer as far as her "perfection" is concerned. Perhaps increasing her age to 140+ (she is an elf after all) would help explain where she gained such skill with magic and steel?
The idea of her being unable to control her magic makes for a nice start, perhaps maybe add in a few minor scars from her training with a blade and battles up to this point? (maybe even an old injury that acts up once in a while?)
Some more detail into her personality and emotions would also help round out the character more.
A few questions to help inspire you:
-How did she feel about selling her self out for assassination missions? Was the first kill easy? Did it bother her she was perhaps making someone else an orphan just like she was? Has it occurred to her she has become no better than the person she is seeking vengeance upon?
-Why did she do assassinations for so little coin? (depending on the setting, usually 7 silver is barely enough to cover a hot meal.) Was it because of her morals and being choosy on the contracts? Her inexperience? (One would imagine a spelling slinging sword master for hire could command solver hundred gold a contract easily)
-Have any of her contracts effected the political atmosphere of the surrounding kingdoms? (perhaps causing the war you alluded to?)
-Where did she meet her true love and how? Did he willingly leave to fight in the war? Was he drafted? (some kingdoms were known to draft peasants into militias to defend their borders) Or were they separated when the enemy forces ransacked their town?
-Why did she not fight in the war herself? (With her combative capabilities she could have marketed herself as a mercenary with ease) Was it due to beliefs? Fear? Other obligations?
-What has she done during the years of her travels? Has she met anyone of significance that has changed her outlook on life?
If you can cover some of these questions and flesh her out into more of a fully developed
character I'll be happy to change my vote much higher. Also run the spell check option before submitting to help iron out any more spelling errors. (This character has the potential to be a 4.0 or higher with more detail and a good overhaul.)
A little plus for a good advice.
Updated: I have updated the history according to some of the comments, and have also taken away some of her special abilites. She now has a lot more weaknesses than she has strengths.
Nice update, the changes make her feel much more "real" and give some nice plot hook ideas. (I could imagine the PC's traveling with her as she searches the war torn kingdom searchign for her lost lover.) I've also re-voted to reflect my approval of the changes.
Updated: just changed the layout slightly nothing major.
Superior update. Ao much better that it is not recognizable as the same character. Extra point added to vote as a carrot for the last update.
The punctuation is a little odd in places, but it works. Try reading it outloud on your next set of edits. I think that will get you to fix most of those glitches.