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Comments: 10
Ideas: 0
Rating: 4
Condition: Normal
ID: 4223


November 5, 2007, 3:48 pm

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Cheka Man

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Cauldron of the Cold Camp


An item to increase the comfort of the dreaded Cold Camp.

Full Item Description

This magical device appears as a simple, large cauldron sufficient to prepare several gallons of food.


Produced to assist armies in the field, Grand Emperor Xaric IIIrd commissioned dozens of these cauldrons to be issued to his most elite units.  While not overpowering, these items greatly contributed to the units comfort level during their many forced marches. Unit cooks were able to provide quick meals without having to forage for fuel and took less time to cook.  The cauldrons were taken as spoil and dispersed after the emperors elite forces fell in his third and final campaign.

Magic/Cursed Properties

This cauldron will cook non-living foodstuffs quickly and without generating light or heat.  Each minute of ‘cooking’ is equal to 10 minutes of normal cooking over a fire.  The resulting food will be cooked, but at room temperature.

Those using this cauldron will notice that not all food placed within the cauldron is there once cooking is complete - the cauldron itself consumes 1/8th of the foodstuffs it cooks to sustain its powers.

Also, it has been observed that these cauldrons develop personalities - they have food preferences and will react to different cooks differently.  Some have to be cursed at to work properly, others will not tolerate abuse and burn everything they cook if ‘offended’.  Others prefer an offering of spirits or other strong drink before beginning to cook.  None can talk, or otherwise overtly communicate, but the cooking results will vary based on treatment, and even the rate at which the food burbles and bubbles is a clue to the cauldron’s demeanor.

Non-foodstuffs (potions, etc) are rejected - no processing at all will occur until these are removed and the cauldron cleaned.  Some may require additional ‘compensation’ to the offended cauldron.

Possible Quirks:

1. Favored food - Certain foodstuffs will be prepared better and faster, but will be consumed by the cauldron at a higher rate - 20% devoured by the cauldron.

2. Hated food - Certains foods are always cooked very quickly but badly overcooked.  Only 10% is taken by the cauldron in this case.

3. Desired Offering - Certain items - strong drink, spices, foodstuffs need to be offered before the main item. In these cases, the substance is completely devoured by the cauldron, but the main food item has only 10% consumed by the cauldron.

4. Touchy feelings - Caldron will act as all foods are hated if it is cursed or mistreated.

5. Masochist - Cauldron like to be abused before use and will act as if all foods are hated unless cursed at. "Come on Boil, you piece of crap!"

6. Attachments/Detachments - Cauldron likes only one cook and will not function well for any other cook.  Conversely, it could hate a particular cook and require appeasement to work.

7. Moody - Changes behavior frequently - select one of the others at random intervals.

8. Mr.Clean - doesn’t cook until it is properly cleaned from the last meal. Some think it actually likes all the scrubbing, the little pervert. Thanks, I think, to Manfred!

Plot Ideas

* A particular cauldron is famous for its preparation of a Duke’s favorite dish. The only problem is it is extremely picky and requires a specific, rare, and difficult to obtain offering to be convinced into making it.  Guess what the PCs have to do.

Am soliciting others!

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Comments ( 10 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Michael Jotne Slayer
November 5, 2007, 15:11
It's in my opinion a solid write-up with some nice flavour.

But I see it as slightly too silly to be of use for me(remember that it's just my view of it). I could see a cauldron like this in a wizards tower, but not in large numbers with an army, for me magic is more alien and not that common. So, sweet idea it is.
November 5, 2007, 15:29
Heh, an army marches on it's stomach. If the personalities bother you, it is simple to drop them, but then they become so boring. These cauldrons will not avail a wizard very much - they hardly eat anyway! :P
Voted Ouroboros
November 5, 2007, 15:43
This is a good one. I especially like the "quirks", that makes it memorable. Its one of those things that can be used both to drive a plot, or just for comic relief. Nice work!
Voted manfred
November 5, 2007, 15:45
Hah! This can really turn silly, but I like it. Plus the idea itself is very pertinent for the business of war. (And don't forget: no fire - no smoke.)

If it is not overdone - in moodiness or in numbers - then it can work. For our beloved low magic style this can be a quirky artifact of the past - something definitely useful, strange, but not overpowering.


Sorry, can't resist: Mr.Clean - doesn't cook until it is properly cleaned from the last meal. Some think it actually likes all the scrubbing, the little pervert. :p
Voted Cheka Man
November 5, 2007, 23:05
One of the funny submissions here.

Mr Fruity-loves fruits and vegtables, tolarates meat, but detests any kind of sauce.
Voted Stephie
November 6, 2007, 9:19
I love it! It's funny and usable!
Voted Scrasamax
February 9, 2008, 21:54
i just love the idea of a giant iron pot that has a masochistic streak and doesnt cook properly unless the cook shouts at it and occasionally dings it with his dipping ladel. Thumbs up Val.
Voted Murometz
March 10, 2008, 13:48

Heh. i missed this one before. Great! I like details. Consumes 1/8 of whats put in it, and the "personality" quirks! I get a mental image for some reason of the cauldron-version of Oscar the Grouch!

good stuff!

Voted MysticMoon
November 24, 2011, 16:09
This does make more sense for a high magic world but I do like the quirks. They make a utilitarian item into something more.
May 23, 2018, 8:50
Of course, if you want to go full Disney, the cauldron could talk and have facial features that appeared when it wanted to.

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