Uwue was a troll. Some say half-troll. Others say he was a giant. The goblins of Kolgspyr insist he was a great goblin hero, but everyone knows goblins are prone to lies and exaggerations. The truth is no one knows who or what Uwue was, we only have his namesake utensils as a lasting legacy.
All seem to agree on two things, that Uwue was from the north, and that he was capable of performing shamanistic magic.
Perhaps the best theory is a conglomeration of the others. It seems best to assume that Uwue was indeed a member of some humanoid tribe, and that he dwelt amidst tundras and ice-flows of the northern territories.
The utensils were found and presented to the king, by one Lango the Sea-Farer, upon the bravados return from the lands of the Melting Glacier. He claimed to have found the items hidden in some otherwise empty burial-mound, inside of a sack. On the outside of the sack, were woven the words, "Uwue’s Sack". On the inside, were woven three magical command words, "Soup", "Meat", and "Stick", though four utensils were present.
The King, as he was wont to do, feted Lango for many days, impressed with this strange find, but eventually grew bored of both Lango and the utensils, sent the adventurer on his way, and threw the sack into his treasury. Over the years, an idea came to the King, a gesture toward’s his subjects, many of whom he would often send on missions of exploration into the northern territories in search of mysteries and plunder on his behalf.
To this day, anyone deemed worthy enough by his Highness, and commissioned to explore the snowy frontiers, are often given Uwue’s Utensils on loan. Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly, depending on one’s point of view, the six different parties the King has loaned the utensils too so far, over the last decade, have managed to come back alive, and returned the Kings boons to him. This coincidence has given rise to whispers that Uwues Utensils are truly fortuitous, good luck charms for dangerous journeys, ensuring safe returns from the dreaded northern lands.
One interesting note, and perhaps this fits in with our King’s peculiar sense of humor and mischief, is that the aforementioned tribes of humanoids, trolls, goblins, ogres, and others of the northern wastes, each seem to impart some great, religious significance to Uwue’s legendary Sack, and each humanoid tribe, in turn, will diligently pursue those who carry the sack, attempting to win it back for their respective clans. Why such intense feelings for these weird utensils consume the baser races of the north is unknown, even to learned sages, and the humanoids aren’t talking. Of course, no adventurers will willingly advertise the fact that they carry Uwue’s Sack, due to this unwanted attention.
It is a matter of time, in this monk’s humble estimation, before one lucky group turns out not so lucky, and are killed for the sack by some trolls or some such. Of course, our King most likely won’t much care. And so it goes.
The Burning Spoon
A great wooden spoon, nearly two feet in length, with a deep, ladle-like head. A delicately painted scene of flickering and dancing flames, yellow, red, and orange, was once appeared along its length, but the once vibrant paint, is now chipped and faded, and the spoon looks like any other, except for its impressive size.
If the concave head is gently rubbed underneath by a warm palm, and the command word is spoken, the spoons magic activates. The next liquid that is scooped into the spoon will warm up considerably, even melting ice cubes or snow in seconds, or heating and boiling a cold, nearly frozen, taste of soup. The spoon will function this way for an hour at a time, then grow dormant and mundane once more. The following day the spoon can be rubbed anew.
The spoon itself, wooden though it is, will never catch fire or burn.
The Freezing Knife
A chipped, flint and obsidian, foot-long blade, perched upon a featureless, six-inch handle, wrapped in tanned walrus skin, Uwues knife appears quite primitive, and of the poorest quality. If a finger is run along the blades length, and the command word uttered, the Freezing Knife activates. For the next hour, whenever the knife is plunged into the flesh of any living or freshly-dead animal, the flesh immediately around the blade begins to chill and turn numb, in the case of the living, and freeze, quickly developing a frosty glaze, in the case of the dead.
What exact purpose this knife served for Uwue is a somewhat controversial subject of debate, among those frivolous sages, who have chosen to study these utensils seriously. The confusion stems from the fact that freezing or numbing meat and flesh, does not seem overly useful to a humanoid shaman who called the ice-flows home. In a hot climate however, the knife proves quite useful in preserving meat, or tending to burns, or even preventing gangrene and keeping corpses of deceased companions from going rancid.
The Sticky Tongs
Another over-large utensil the Tongs are just that, with no interesting features to speak of, yet they possess a peculiar power as well. Upon clicking the tongs together, once in the air, and speaking the command word, the next object, though it cannot be larger than a grown man’s fist in size, will stick to the tongs grasping the object, for one hour, and nothing short of the highest magics can rend the object, inanimate though as it must be, from the tongs grasp, as if they were coated with the most powerful sovereign glue in the known worlds.
After an hour, the tongs deactivate, the object will be dropped, and they can only be used again the following day, for another hour .
The Frustrating Fork
A three-pronged fork, as impressive in size as its fellow utensils, made of some rusted metal, the fork has no discernable ability, unlike the other three.
Uwue’s fork has frustrated the King’s sages over the years, make no mistake. Perhaps it is just a fork, but that seems too incongruous and strange. Regardless, the fork simply functions as a fork, and no amount of prodding by the frustrated will reveal any inherent power. No command word of magic appears woven in thread inside Uwue’s hempen sack for the fork. Whether Uwue was a cruel practical joker, or simply carried his eating fork, along with his magical utensils, inside the same sack, we will never know. But with all due respect to the King’s sages, some secrets will remain secrets forever. So life teaches us.
No one knows the truth behind Uwue’s Sack. No one can guess if other utensils are out there somewhere. But most of all, perhaps the mystery of Uwue will never be solved.
—Excerpts from the writings of Mattius Hean, a bored and irreverant palace monk, whose job it was over the years, to catalogue the items inside his King’s treasure chambers.