Login or register. (You can now login/register with your social networks.)

NPCs
Minor
Mystical
1.5
9 Votes

1xp


Hits: 2192
Comments: 22
Ideas: 1
Rating: 1.5
Condition: Normal
ID: 1129

Submitted:

Updated:
June 8, 2009, 6:53 pm

Vote Hall of Honour

You must be a member to use HoH votes.
Author Status

Options


Print Friendly and PDF

Ravenman

By:

Raven man is half raven an half man. He has bird feet and wings.

Special Equipment:

He carries raven staff wich is why he is a mix of the two races. It is a powerfull staff that can summon millions of ravens from beyond too kill his enemys.
It has raven runes on it. It is also the same thing which once long ago made him Ravenman.

Appearance:

He is a tall man with black eyes and the lower body of a RAVEN. He has arms but also wings which he can fly with.
He has long black hair and is strong. He can use his claws to rip people apart.

Background:

He was named Amadeius when he once was a normal baby like all the others. Then one night a wizard came into his house and killed his parents with his staff. And turned him into a raven. He was teased at school and kicked inthe head on the wy home. The othet r kids made much fun of him for not being normal. Then One day he killed them all. When he got home, he discovered the staff that made himn ravenman and a letter. It said that he can find the wozaerd and kill him i he nwant too. So now he is travelling to find his parents killers
and kill him. he hates everyone normal.
He found out how to summon ravens with his staff but not how to change. he somtimes works for nobles to be an assasin since he can kill from the sky.



Additional Ideas (1)

Less an idea and more an attempt to use the given elements to furnish a more coherent story...

Amadeus was a happy child until the Black Feather killed his parents. The act was brutal, vile, and random... at least to the eyes of the boy orphaned by the act. As inexplicable was why the Black Feather would use his magic to give the boy the lower quarters of a Raven. Lost, destitute, and bereft, Amadeus ended up at the mercy of the state.

The boy grew up in an orphanage. When he wasn't being studied by wizards, healers, scholars, and alchemists for his strange deformity, he was being teased by the other children for his outlandish appearance and too-timid behavior. But then one day he snapped. When a boy began to push Amadeus and call him crowfoot, the boy lashed out with a vicious kick. The taloned foot tore the other boy open, spilling his guts on the floor. Amadeus fled.

He ran. Not knowing where to go, he found his way back to his old home, finding it long abandoned. Cold and exhausted, he curled up and went to sleep in his old room, crying. Dreams of his dark deed haunted him, and in the morning he woke, having rested very little. But then he saw the staff.

Six feet of stout wood, decorated with black feathers. The end was carved into sharp talons. The boy saw parchment wrapped about the staff, tied into place. Hesitantly, trembling, he approached, and untied the parchment. He read the note within.

"If you would free yourself of your curse," read the note, "if you would avenge your parents, Master the Raven Staff, then seek me out. Face me to learn the truth."

The note was signed by Black Feather.

Amadeus picked up the staff, which felt... right in his hands. He silently vowed that he would find Black Feather, and he would learn the truth, before Black Feather's blood stained his talons. Renouncing his name, Ravenman left his childhood home behind and went in search of vengeance.

--------------

Ravenman is a tall, pale man with short black hair and a lean build. Below the waist, his legs are those of a Raven. He usually hides this with loose pants and a cloak, though there's no way to cover his feet. He is stronger than he looks, though not supernaturally so, but is very quick and has very keen eyes and excellent hand-to-eye coordination. His talons give him some help in climbing many surfaces, but he has to rely entirely on upper body strength to climb a rope. Ravenman's head tends to jerk around a bit, as his eyes dart left and right, up and down. His laugh - on the rare occasions he does laugh - has a rough, grating quality to it that brings the call of his namesake to mind.

Depending when in his travels he is encountered, he may be a young novice fighter, or he may be a seasoned warrior, highly skilled with his staff and with the unarmed style he developed which relies on deadly shredding kicks. He carries the Raven Staff, which in addition to its potent magical properties is a very dangerous melee weapon.

The Raven Staff is a mystery. Again, depending on when he is first met, Ravenman may have unlocked none, some, or most of its powers, all of which are raven or avian related. One power he has discovered right away is the ability to survive be eating carrion. No matter how rotted the meat, Ravenman can find sustenance.

Just how consumed is Ravenman? A GM may have him as driven and singleminded as he likes, but perhaps a little depth is found in having him question his purpose from time to time. WHY did Black Feather kill his parents and transform him? WHY leave him the staff? These question might plague the man he's become.

Plot Hooks:

PCs may encounter Ravenman on the road. He'll be wary of them, because he hasn't always made his living on the right side of the law, and also because he's often been mistreated by his deformity.

PCs may encounter Ravenman being set upon by villagers who've mistaken him for a demon.

Ravenman may seek out one of the PCs, believing him to have information about Black Feather

PCs might be hired to apprehend Ravenman, or to steal the staff he carries.

PCs may even be victims of Black Feather, sought by Ravenman to join forces against him.

And just who IS Black Feather, anyway? Why DID he do these things? These are questions for you, the GM, to answer.
1xp

2013-09-18 06:53 PM » Link: [1129#89144|text]
Please register to add an idea. It only takes a moment.

Join Now!!



Gain the ability to:
Vote and add your ideas to submissions.
Upvote and give XP to useful comments.
Work on submissions in private or flag them for assistance.
Earn XP and gain levels that give you more site abilities.
Join a Guild in the forums or complete a Quest and level-up your experience.
Comments ( 22 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Cheka Man
June 21, 2005, 17:18
0xp
This needs deleting ASAP.
Voted CaptainPenguin
June 21, 2005, 17:52
0xp
Eh...
I wouldn't say deleting...

It is not exactly a bad concept. A mysterious sorceror with the legs of a raven, who summons flocks of the dark birds to attack his enemies.
The problem, Agony, is the execution. The Raven Staff (needs a better name and a history) needs it's own item post and background. You should probably be more descriptive with appearance.
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM: THE BACKGROUND!
What is that?! IT'S THE DAMN ORPHAN BACKGROUND!
Point 1: What kind of person just breaks into a house, kills people, and transforms a baby into a half-raven?! That makes no sense!
Point 2: He never noticed he was a half-raven?!
Point 3: Why did he kill them all? There's no motivation!
Point 4: Who left the note and the Raven Staff?
Point 5: TRAVELING THE WORLD FOR REVENGE IS A TERRIBLE MOTIVATION! IT'S THE STUPIDEST MOTIVATION IN THE WORLD! IN... THE... WORLD! IN THE WORLD!

In completion, you've got to improve the background.
(Note: I think I might use this character idea, though, if you don't mind)
Since it could be improved (interesting concept, poorly executed)...

2/5.
EchoMirage
June 22, 2005, 2:48
0xp
Okay, at least it's no drow or assassin. Also, mind the spelling and random errors - if you care enough about an idea enough to post it, please care about its presentation. It is as if you tried to cook a good dinner, but served it on a dirty plate, or, more likely, on several sheets of the daily press.
Voted MoonHunter
June 22, 2005, 8:54
0xp
This is the worst write up for a Tengu, even a european were-raven that I have ever seen.

Agony:
I would like you to read the first eight or so posts on this link:
http://www.strolen.com/npc/index.php?order=rating&dir=DESC
That will give you an idea about what an acceptable character is. Those are our benchmarks.

If you would like to see what a perfectly average character post is...
http://www.strolen.com/npc/viewnpc.php?npc_id=320&offset=0&order=updated&dir=Desc&index=1

That is what an AVERAGE CHARACTER POST IS!

So lets look at the differences...

Your posts are too short to be descriptive or useful.

It looks like you spent five minutes on your post. Most of us spend 30 to 75 minutes.

Your post does not explain anything to any useful degree. It is like summing up Darth Vader as: "A desert child of vast potential was trained by the good knights. He was the most powerful of them. They did not give him his due. Then he turned to the Dark Side for all the best reasons. "
See how much you are missing here? Three movies badly summed up into three lines.

Your post has to be useful for a Game Master to use your character in their game. That means you need to define setting elements, character aspects, motivations, and abilities, for the character.

Follow the Golden Rule: If the character is not as well described as a character in a fantasy novel, then your write up is incomplete.
Ancient Gamer
June 22, 2005, 12:27
0xp
I am a sucker for ravens, and the very first sentence instilled some great visuals in my imagination.

As for the rest:


You get the idea
Voted Scrasamax
June 22, 2005, 15:31
0xp
As the Current standing PostNazi...

rant
I've got this great idea, I'm going to start going around and turning innocent children into grotesque and powerful half monsters after slaughtering their families in front of them. What a cool idea, and then I'll be surprised when the little maggots (apologies to Maggot) show up looking for revenge.

Naw, I'm going to go around and turn all of the innocent children into something ridiculus, like half-parakeets, were-spider monkeys, and...really cute collie dogs that are green.

This...is...absurd.
Why would the wozaerd leave a powerful magic staff that can summon millions of ravens behind for Ravenman (knocked yourself out on that name, didn't ya).

Ravens are popular because they are a symbolic creature, a creature of ill omen, and impending death and doom. Nevermore, if you get the picture Agony. This is munckin revenger redone, and poorly redone at that.

/rant

I hope that wasnt over the top, but I felt inspired to supply some vitriol for AG
Scrasamax
June 22, 2005, 15:35
0xp
Now, for some useful commentary.

There is a magic item on the cartoon Xiaolin Showdown called the Monkey Staff. So long as the monk has the Monkey Staff, he is as agile as a monkey, but there is a price to be paid. The longer he has the staff, the more monkeylike he begins to act, and he also begins to develop simian features, with a prehensile tail being first. Eventually, he would become a money with a good understanding of Kung-Fu, and refuse to release the Monkey Staff.

Rather than a wandering malicious wizard, perhaps a teenage youth, eaten with teenage angst finds a magical staff and can fly like a raven with it. (Might be better if the McGuffin is an article of clothing like a dashing cloak or somesuch} However, being unpopular with the others, for whatever reason, he is consumed with a cold avian anger for them and attacks them. He is eventually overcome by the spell and becomes the Ravenman, yet somewhere inside the black-eyed killer is the spirit of an unhappy kid who only wanted to be understood and accepted.
Agony
June 22, 2005, 16:37
0xp
Sorry. Sorry for making such bad posts.
I can see that some of you guys are actually trying to help me become a better poster. I want to be a better poster, I want to be able to get all the ideas in my head down on paper properly. I want my ideas to have a worthy execution.
But I am not the best writer in the world, and i do not think that I have the experience that you guys have either. I have thought about this for some time now, and I have come to the conclusion that I am not old enough to be posting on this page.

I know that many of you mean perfectly well in your comments, but it is simply to much for me when you make fun of me.
I can't take it, and I see that as a sign. It means that I should never come back here. At least not until I am older and better in grammer, punctuation, execution of ideas and such.

In the future I would advice you to be a little more careful when commenting on people. Not everbody is able too "take it", if you know what I mean?

And with that, I Agony sign of Strolen.

Sincerely, Agony.
Ancient Gamer
June 22, 2005, 16:43
0xp
Do not feel bad, Agony. I, myself, wrote some of the worst shit on this planet when I was younger. You cannot fathom how poor my early work was! I have to say this: We have young players here, who have learnt, in spite of our cruelty.

Anyhow: Your farewell speech was well written and sensible. I respect your decision and wish you the best for the future
CaptainPenguin
June 22, 2005, 20:31
0xp
Well, now that he's gone, I got dibs on the remake of this character!
Scrasamax
June 22, 2005, 22:50
0xp
Dammit Cap'n, I wanted dibs
MoonHunter
June 23, 2005, 8:41
0xp
Two or three similar characters are not a problem.

A pity Agony is going. He(?) could actually make posts here if he practiced the craft a bit more. Really, it is not that hard to make an acceptable post... even Captain Pengiun can do it. (*joking*). It just takes a bit more time and effort, rather than a real skill, to do. You have the basics. You just need to try a bit harder. I think we were harsh and helpful mostly because we saw the potential here.

But I could be wrong.
Maggot
June 24, 2005, 2:43
0xp
I can't wait to see the interesting new take that the Captain will put on this character.
Voted Strolen
November 7, 2005, 20:43
0xp
Now that there is a 1.5 vote. There is something buried waaaay deep down. Just enough to keep it on the site in my estimation.
Scrasamax
April 8, 2006, 9:08
0xp
I think this would be a good submission to keep in the archives because it is more than a 15 word slap-dash effort. It shows what we give low votes too, and also shows that sometimes we can be a little too heavy with the stick, and not offering enough of the carrot. Reading my comments to Agony makes me want to be a better critiquer, rather than being an abusive critiquer.

I think we should leave it/
MoonHunter
April 9, 2006, 16:30
0xp
I think it is just too bad to keep. This is a waste of memory and effort.

This is not even a good bad example.

As Agony is never coming back to fix this, just delete the puppy and drive on.

Besides, deleting it would open up the name for other users to use in a more interesting way.
Murometz
April 9, 2006, 17:11
0xp
WAIT WAIT!!....I can make this into a great sub!! Beware The Raven!!
valadaar
June 8, 2009, 18:53
0xp
Okay Agony - there is some good advice here among the critique. Give it another shot if you would.

I've put it into your in-work .
Voted OmegaDraco
February 10, 2012, 9:06
0xp

I don't know how this ended up on the front page. I'll try to say something original.

I think this wizard needs more fleshing out. Perhaps he is actually a good wizard who stormed the house of two evil henchmen, demanded that they tell him where their gang will be performing an evil ritual, and after a brief exchange of violence, gunfire and magic, the wizard killed the two evil henchmen. The wizard didn't expect to find that they had a child. When he found the child hiding in a closet, he saw that the child was shot in the stomach and probably would last much longer. The kid was going into shock, and the wizard had mercy on the evil henchmen's offspring. Whispering "I'm sorry I don't know any healing magic. I do know one trick though, and I can't think of any other way to save you." The wizard waved his Ravenrune staff and cast a spell that imbued the child with blessing of Corvus, the raven god. The child began healing and slowing transforming into the image of Corvus. The wizard placed the child on his bed and promised to return to teach him how to use his powers for good. The child woke later only to find his body a mutated and frightening sight, his parents dead, and only vague memories of a wizard who entered their home, killed his parents, and cursed him with the half body of a raven. The child cried and swore vengeance on the "evil" wizard.

Voted Longspeak
September 18, 2013, 18:17
0xp
There's two parts to writing: Art and Craft. I won't add to the dogpile on craft, especially after all this time. Issues? Yes. Insurmountable? No. If Agony is still reading the site, I'd have a friend check to spelling, grammar, and typographical errors in the future. I'm not the best typist, and I always leave a few errors on the table, but a friend looking it over will reduce those.

As for craft... well... I'd never thought of a half-man/half-raven before. I think the idea is neat, and worth exploring. The rest of the idea needs a bit of work, but I think the core idea make that work worthwhile.

In fact, I'm about to contribute an idea.
Longspeak
September 18, 2013, 19:07
1xp
That second paragraph should begin "As for art..."
Gossamer
September 19, 2013, 5:50
0xp
Aww, this was a really hilarious sub, until I got to his farewell comment. Now I feel bad for the kid, he can't have been that old. But on the other hand, his last words showed better penmanship than the whole sub, so he probably could have done a better job if he'd put his mind to it. Still, this sub should definately stay on as a reminder to all of us.

Codex

  • A collection of related role playing submissions.
  • Add Codex


Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

       By: manfred

Adventurers are to capture an unknown monster for examination (for a sage or wizard) but they are themselves captured by the monsters, and researched.

Ideas  ( Plots ) | March 12, 2002 | View | UpVote 0xp


Creative Commons License
Individual submissions, unless otherwise noted by the author, are licensed under the
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License
and requires a link back to the original.

We would love it if you left a comment when you use an idea!
PayPal
Powered by Lockmor 4.1 with Codeigniter | Copyright © 2013 Strolen's Citadel
A Role Player's Creative Workshop.
Read. Post. Play.
Optimized for anything except IE.
0.0265