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ID: 3053


April 28, 2008, 1:39 pm

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Mumwertz's Affectionate Elixirs


The customers who find this elusive little shop may leave with more than a simple love potion in their pocket.

Once in a while, those wandering the back streets of the city spot something new:  A little shop nestled where an empty lot once sat.  It shows every appearance of age, with its grimy windows and badly-faded sign proclaiming Mumwertz’s Affectionate Elixirs in archaic script.  Despite that, the shop certainly wasn’t there a week before.

Mumwertz, the elderly proprietor, offers no explanation for his tiny business’ sudden appearances.  He suspects that one of his most potent elixirs (Oudall’s Transmigration Paste) accidentally fell into a bucket of soapy water the last time that he cleaned (many long years ago), but he doesn’t want to let anyone know, as he is several years in arrear on his rent.  One moment the shop nestles among a block of well-established jewelers, then a moment later it has vanished, replaced by an empty lot.  The dusty storefront will reappear eventually, on an entirely different street, or perhaps even a different city.  In any case, the moment the store is gone, none of the other local merchants can remember it.  Only those that actually purchase something can recall the place. 

Within, the tiny store is filled with bizarre knickknacks and charms.  Exotic potions clutter the shelves, promising all sorts of weird benefits.  These concoctions range from Oil of Falconsight to Poet’s Elixir.  Equally odd charms and fetishes share the filth-encrusted shelves, including rarities made with such unusual substances as Hagwort (a protection against prying in-laws) and Elephant’s Nail (sure to give solid footing).  Some items are religious relics, including the owner’s prized Eyeteeth of St. Dissam (well-known for the protection they offer thieves).  The doddering old apothecary keeps the well-preserved ‘Falchion of Al Gojj’ behind his workbench;  he brandishes the relic feebly at any neer-do-well that threatens his shop.

Mumwertz takes extravagant pride in his assortment of love charms and potions, which range from the famous (but somewhat toxic) Challian Bug Powder to the somewhat less potent Ardent Ungent of Ix.  A romantic at heart, he will vigorously attempt to demonstrate the efficacy of his products by setting up customers with random passerby.  This sometimes results in unfortunate incidents as local shopgirls are dosed with the Passion Powder of Bing or the little-known Colton’s Curse of Insatiable Frenzy (which is generally not as exciting as it sounds, but works admirably to calm frightened horses).  Mumwertz also carries a fine selection of comfits, candies made from nuts and dried fruits, which he highly recommends to those already in love.  He very seldom sells candies laced with love potions to unsuspecting customers, but mistakes have been known to happen and the two types of sweetmeats DO look very similar.

Due to his shop’s tendency to unceremoniously vanish, Mumwertz avoids going out whenever possible and depends on others to run errands for him.  He can usually guess when the little storefront is about to move, but the doddering alchemist has occasionally been seen bumbling about the streets of the city, plaintively calling, "Shopppp! Here boy! C’mon shop! Where the devil did you get off to THIS time?" Anyone helping him find his wayward store will be amply rewarded from Mumwertz’s dusty stock of discounted elixirs.

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Comments ( 11 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Murometz
September 8, 2006, 18:48
love the fact that Mumwertz will grab his relic falchion and start swinging if necessary :D

nicely done again Wulfhere!...link this to 'Plenty O' Enterprises', Mourngrymn will thank you.
September 8, 2006, 18:57
I haven't yet figured out how to link or add to scrolls properly. When I do, I'd like to link this one up to the "flawed potions" scroll as well. I suspect that many of the items in the shop may be a little "off", much like the proprietor.
September 8, 2006, 19:04
"flawed potions" it is! *POOF*
Voted Cheka Man
September 8, 2006, 19:20
5/5 I want to buy stuff here.
Voted manfred
September 9, 2006, 3:28
Beware the shop that claims to sell love potions, wheter it is truth or not. :)

Good work!
September 15, 2006, 0:10
...ESPECIALLY if it's true!
Voted Scrasamax
September 11, 2006, 9:09
Oudall’s Transmigration Paste!

I like this quite alot Wulfhere! The ambiance is great, as is the realistic bumbling of its owner, misplacing and accidentally using potions, keeping the old sword. I wonder though, does he or can he leave the shop, could it transmigrate while he was oout getting a spot of food to ea, or would it still be there when he got back?
September 18, 2006, 14:20
Update: I added a couple of paragraphs about how Mumwertz deals with his store's tendency to evaporate at random intervals and added a new introduction.
September 15, 2007, 17:54
Ardent Unguent of Ix, Elephant Nail, Eyeteeth of St. Dissam, Oudalls Transmigration Paste, and Coltons Curse of Insatiable Frenzy.

Yes, I believe we have a properly classic and splendid apothecary shop here!
Voted Strolen
April 27, 2008, 21:36
This was a TON of fun to read. I love it! Great store, great visuals, great products, great fun.
Voted valadaar
October 22, 2013, 11:49
Ah, such a great sub. Where did you go Wulf? You fell off the world again!

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