The Kamuinji Sabre
A long sword with a curved light steel-like blade and a ruby inlaid into the pommel of the swords hilt. Used by the greatest of Warriors to vanquish their foes, be them good or evil.
Full Item Description
This sword is beautifully deadly with it's keen curved blade that can slice through a stone with a slight twitch of the hand. It has a cross-guard and hilt that is made of the same substance as the blade, light and quick. Made for warriors, pirates, and the such.
History
This type of sword is only made when a smith unlocks his or her hidden potential and is able to make the lightly silverish metal cryteel from steel, quartz, and diamond. Only a few of these have been recordedly made, there is no record how many have been made.
Magic/Cursed Properties
This imbues its owner with a seal on their right hand that makes them quicker and stronger. The downside is that they cant cast magic unless the sword is in it's sheath. If they try to cast magic with it in their hand then they feel a shock throughout their whole body and their right arm feels like its burning and freezing at the same time.
Not Registered Yet? No problem.
Do you want Strolenati super powers? Registering. That's how you get super powers! These are just a couple powers you receive with more to come as you participate.
- Upvote and give XP to encourage useful comments.
- Work on submissions in private or flag them for assistance.
- Earn XP and gain levels that give you more site abilities (super powers).
- You should register. All your friends are doing it!
? Responses (8)
could use some more detailed explanation. like why cant magic be cast while its unsheathed, whats the seal look like, how did the blade get to be this way, who made the first one, etc...The bit about the smith unlocking full potential is kind of interesting-could use a little more splainin'
I'll hold off vote for now.
So far, boring, just another generic magic sword.I will hold off my vote in the hope that you can turn it into something good.
I like the fact that it is made of a crystal metal alloy (watch the spelling there ;) Otherwise this is a rather generic sword.
The explanation is a bit sparse. We need a bit more description, not only in terms of looks, but abilities and details of the blade itself.
I don't need specific history for this personally, this is a type of weapon... rather than an individual piece. Though what culture or when in history this technique was first discovered or used might be useful.
Crystals and metal don't make an alloy, they make an aggrigate (which in metal makes for a weak one). So this has to be a totally magic process.
How do mere blacksmiths tap this uber magic. Do they go to magic training or get magical training in their apprenticeship?
Oh. I just noticed this was your very first post here.
You managed to overcome most of the barriers that most first time posters stumble over. Good for you.
To continue on from my original comments, which might be seen as vague...
To be complete, your post needs to answer; 'Who is involved?', 'What is happening (and where and when)?' and 'How and why things occur?'. If it is an item or setting then include: What is the item/place? and What can it do?
Details are not as important as completeness. Read your post. Is there anything that someone (who doesn't know your campaign and the backstory) might have a question about? If you find such a question, edit the write up and include the answer to that question. Keep reading your post until you have answered every question (including ones that seem really stupid... there are a lot of really stupid people out there).
The Gold Standard here is quite simple:
If your post could not be part of a published fantasy novel, it needs work. That is what you should aim for.
If your item/ npc/ plot/ setting is not as well described and developed as something you would find in a published fantasy novel (excluding most DnD licensed novels), then it is not equal to the gold standard and needs work.
This standard is really not that hard to meet. New members often meet it on their first or second try. You do not need to be a professional writer, you just need to put a little effort into doing it right.
To help you achieve these, review the top rated posts of the category you want to post it. If you want to do an item, click into items, then the highest rated (in red) and it will give you a list of the best items. Read the first ten or so.
Hope to see more work from you (and an edit on this one)
A reasonable item if sparse. Muro's and Moons detailed comments are good.
A worthy first try, Rowler. Read the feedback, then consider how to make you next submission even better. In your shoes, I wouldn't go nuts revising this piece, but would instead focus my effort on outdoing myself with each new idea.
When you write, try to think of details that a reader might not expect, but which make sense. Ideally, you want to leave your reader thinking 'I never would have thought of that!'
Hmmm. I just noticed that this was first submitted in 2006. In all likelihood, it's too late to give Rowler advice.