The Dagger of Danbir
'The gods have chosen to smite us today my brethren...but we must fight back'
'How damn it we're just men...insects before their power'
'We will have to find the dagger'
The Dagger of Danbir
The dagger is one of three weapons created by The One Of Greater Spaces to keep his acolytes, the deities, in check. It was originally given as a gift to a boy who was a prince to a kingdom, the gift was given to him at birth by a deity disguised as a noble from a far away land, a deity known only as The Messenger. The thing that even the deity did not know was that the dagger would awaken his innate abilities. As the boy grew older he was taught all sorts of things, from how to fight to how to have proper etiquette at a dinner table full of foreign dignitaries, until one afternoon, after a long day teaching the boy how to fight he was given the destined dagger, that day would mark the day that the kingdom of Daltum would fall. As the boy wrapped his fingers around the blade he felt something break inside of him, like a floodgate had been opened, but what came out didn't feel like water it felt grating and empty, but worst of all it felt hungry. The boy lost consciousness there, but when he awoke he found the kingdom split in front of him, to his left it was as if Daltum had never been altogether, bleached from the map entirely, while to his right he saw a carnage filled seen that had brought massive bone spikes from the earth to destroy every building and kill every last person in Daltum. As the boy looked down at his hands he saw the cause of this calamity, it was him, one side of his body was darker than anything that he had ever seen, while the other side he found that all of his flesh had hardened into solid bone. Not yet knowing how to control his abilities he ran, he ran from his home, from all that was left of what would soon come to be called the City of Two Halves, and everything he had ever known carrying only what he had on him and the dagger. After running for some time, floating place to place he finally found a way to leave this plane and go to another, one that wasn't full of people that he could accidentally kill in an instant. So he left this plane and went to one that had yet to be named and he rebuilt Daltum there. He found that due to his new abilities he no longer hungered and that he could fashion the most elaborate and beautiful things in an instant from bone. This was how he built the bone city that now stands today.
Appearance
The dagger currently looks as though it is made out of obsidian and bone, though originally it gleamed with fine gems and stones of rare value, it changed due to the prince touching it. It would change appearance again if another mage, sorcerer, or other magic user would grasp it's handle to better fit the powers of the person wielding it. At it's base it has space for a large marble-like object, this is for the orb of darkness; once the orb of darkness is inserted is when the dagger becomes truly powerful and reveals it's true form of a bastard sword of perfect design, with delicate-looking accents and a near weightless blade that is indestructible, and of perfect balance.
Powers/Abilities
The abilities that the dagger possesses without the orb is average at best other than it's indestructibility. Once the orb is in the dagger though and it becomes the bastard sword it has the power to sap away divine strength within a certain area, roughly 40 ft. Any deity within this range will feel incredibly weaker, and with a strong enough group or hero, one could kill a god. The reason this was made was for this exact purpose for what most do not know of the deities is that they are just like the clerics and sorcerers of the human world but the god they answer to is much more powerful, though some deific beings do use this power without the knowledge that they are tapping into a higher power, the truly powerful deities know full well. The name that they call this being of unimaginable power is 'The Being Of Greater Spaces', for he exists in a nigh unreachable plane of existence. The Being of Greater Spaces created this weapon for sleighing his acolytes should they ever get out of hand and start destroying the world, though no god could wield it as it is poison to them in battle, therefore only a mortal hero could ever achieve this daunting task of killing a god.
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? Responses (10)
I found this very difficult to read. I will not be the first to piece this apart, I will however say that I love the imagery of the names, The Being Of Greater Spaces and the City of Two Halves. Just the names themselves to me hold my imagination.
One of the issues I had with this, and I will leave it at this, is the shear abilities and power of this item are of a Legendary sort and not one that would seem to come in to the players hands as it would greatly unbalance the game. It seems a bit to munchkin for me.
But, expand on those two titles please... I do want to hear more about them.
Thank you, I was looking for some good criticism when I first thought about posting, a sort of is this idea fleshed out enough, and I do agree this weapon is ungodly amounts of powerful...I was thinking more along the lines of this being the weapon that is the main point of the campaign and that once used to kill the deity or whatever was of equal power that the being of greater spaces would come down and take the knife and thank them for their service...and that would be the end...but i don't know yet...i'm actually using this item in a campaign I'm gming right now,
also thank you for your interest i will try and add some more info about the city and the deity later...also thank you for being honest, i welcome the ideas and appreciate the criticism
There is some great imagery hidden in this - city of bone, and as mourn mentioned, the names are great! The sub itself feels a little jumbled and awkward to read through though: some spacing and re-wording would be a benefit to the subs readability.
I find it useful after writing a sub, to leave it hidden for a day then read through it again tomorrow when your mind is fresh; you will see the things that need working far better the next day.
it is a very powerful item, and most would find it risky to give to a PC because of that.
the subs that you have made have been very oversized and powerful, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes it's good to take a step back and make something more humble.
Thus, i present to you a challenge, if you would accept!!!
For your next sub, i challenge you to create a non-magical item, NPC or life form! Something useful, but not world changing! A new type of weapon, a native animal from a hidden region, a sneaky, annoying rogue - anything you can think of that isn't filled with fonts of power!
Also, a special cudos to you for being so receptive and accepting of criticism, Jojo! For that, i gave you an extra .5 to my vote! That attitude is the one we want to nurture on this site, so keep it up! :D
I accept whole-heartedly, and thank you for the inspiration...One quick question, is technologically advanced included in this restriction...I eagerly await your response and have begun putting together a couple ideas right now
Absolutely! Just as long as its not a mega-death-star-destroyer-spaceship :p
Ok, I'll chime in on the technical stuff, since you asked :)
Moonhunter has a great set of submissions if you are going for the 'golden standard' for your subs.
http://strolen.com/viewing/Five_Best_Tips_for_Posting_on_Strolens_and_Other_Places
Specifically, the first paragraph is too long, and there are some fairly long run-on sentences which could be split into 3 sentances.
'As the boy grew older he was taught all sorts of things, from how to fight to how to have proper etiquette at a dinner table full of foreign dignitaries, until one afternoon, after a long day teaching the boy how to fight he was given the destined dagger, that day would mark the day that the kingdom of Daltum would fall.'
Remove the 'Until' and rework the second.
'One afternoon, after a gruelling training session , the young prince was presented with the Dagger (by who, specifically?). This afternoon would also be marked as the day.'
Welcome aboard and keep up with the posting! :)
Thank you much for the criticism and advice! I'll probably go back and fix those in a little while, and I see now that I probably should have done some proof reading and such. Thank you again for pointing these things out your advice was both informative and helpful.
I rarely get involved with a member, especially new members, as creative angst usually causes issues. However, I would like to say that you sir have the PERFECT attitude to be here at this site. A willingness to take criticism, which even I have had issues with in the past, and a complete jovial learning mentality. I love it. I realize my comment was not very specific or helpful but it was in fear of a retaliatory remark and you leaving the site. I hope you are here to stay. I may not be the best writer here, and am infrequent at times which I am trying to fix, but if you need advice, help, or someone to throw ideas at please do not hesitate to ask me. Ill gladly help.
I'll echo the other comments and say, loved the names but the parsing is nearly non-existent, especially the first chunk is too big, I would break that down. Also, I really bristle when I read the word indestructible and killing a god. The less flaws something has, the less campaigns will have a use for it. Other than that, nice.
Welcome to the citadel, here's your complimentary typo.
'while to his right he saw a carnage filled seen that had brought massive bone spikes from the Earth'
Ill echo what Goss said about the use of indestructible items... this comes to mind as a helpful hint. We have a saying in our group, 'If the players have access to it, the bad guys usually have it first.' That being said, if you make something that is that powerful, indestructible, etc... the bad guys will obviously want/have it. A really smart bad guy, which you should have, will use said item on any upstart heroes the first chance they get removing any threat... don't make something so powerful it can destroy a campaign by killing your players outright. Just a thought.