A wanderer who seems to be under a curse, he has the habit of being the only one left standing at the end of an adventure. This has made him powerful and rich, but made people very concerned about his motives or jioning him. Trained as a thief, then a mage, now as a warrior.
Flaming Saber and fireproof cloak.
Is on the short side but very powerfully built. Piercing grey/green eyes and blonde hair. Scar runs down left side of face, missing two finger on left hand.
Born poor, Sabot Raith ran away from home and jioned a local thief with his pack or urchins. Quick fingered, he became the favorite of the thief and was soon in charge of the gang. He was caught trying to steal from a wizard's workshop, but instead of turning over to the authorities, the wizard saw promise in him and took him in as a student. He accompanied the wizard and his companions on a quest and was the only survivor after the party was attacked by giants. Retirning to the city, he continued his magical studies until call on by the king to recovery an artifact in the mountians. He recovered the artifact, but again was the only survivor of the party. Fearful that his limited magical abilities would not always protect him, he jioned the army and learned swordcraft. After several years he became bored and left the service continuing to find advrentures of his own. Although he now has many companions which have gone on adventures and survived, he is remembered for his first few in which he was the only survivor. He is now semi-retired and lives in his manor where he collects books.
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? Responses (8)
Interesting. A bit on the short side, and rough around the edges, however.
I'd give this a 2.5, but since I cannot give that, I'll give it 3. This is like a newly mined gem. With a bit of refining and care, this character could shine, in my opinion.
Additionally, I like the nickname given from the real name.
Ugh. I don't know if 'gem' is the word to apply to it, but...
First of all, separate the paragraphs. It makes it easier to read, and makes it seem longer, and thus, more impressive (I know, I know, that's cheating. Shut up.).
The backstory seems a little... I don't know. Vague is not the word... I couldn't tell you what it is, but it's missing something. It's not compelling. It doesn't present anything terribly unique.
However, like Shadow said, the nickname bit was good thinking.
It's not terrible, though. I see no glaring grammatical and spelling errors. It is not that cliched. It doesn't seem bad, but once again, I can't put my finger on exactly why. *Shrug*
So, I'll give it a...
Maybe you could be more specific about which artifact he recovered from the mountains. Or tell us who the wizard was, instead of just calling him 'the wizard'. How did he lose his fingers? I think this is part of what people mean by vague. It's a good start, though.
I agree with the others above. A good start and it definitely seems to have potential but yes - something is missing that would make it truly compelling (not sure exactly what).
Another possibility of making it less 'vague' (to continue the usage of that word, for lack of a better) would be to mention how he got his flaming sword and fireproof cloak, or why he favours such a fiery way of combat. Overall though 3/5: it's good.
Yeah, his story is a little vague, but that's because he tends to be among the last standing, isn't too many left around to fill in the facts.
Of course he lost his fingers when he was caught as a thief; the wizard didn't think the attempt should go entirely unpunished.
He favors a fiery way of combat, because, being a little on the short side, he likes to be noticed.
He'll be rounded out more later
even if the past is supposed to be hidden, or if nobody knows of the past, you should still fill in the background, because DMs should have a right to know what they are dealing with. Plus if people who know this character don't know the past, they won't be able to roleplay him properly, based on his life. :)
Either way, think on your posts and keep up the good work ;)
The fundamental idea is there (and as far as the bg goes, it's okay, but the way it's written makes things seem abrupt) but I can't give it a 3 because the amount of details given doesn't support such a score.