5 Votes


Hits: 3346
Comments: 7
Ideas: 0
Rating: 3.4
Condition: Normal
ID: 3564


January 8, 2007, 6:10 pm

Vote Hall of Honour

You must be a member to use HoH votes.
Author Status




Pataket is a criminal unlike any others for he has been working at his trade for centuries, and it is rumoured that he can break into anywhere.

On the surface, he looks like a hooded man in a long gray cloak, with gloved hands and booted feet, but under the hood his face appears to be totally bandaged up, with a dull amber glow coming from his eyes.

Eons ago he was once a leading general at the court of Emperor Tar-Repket, and was very good at his job, conquering many of the neighbouring tribes and forcing the others away from the borders. He was strict but fair and the majority of his officers and men liked him. He was also trusted by the Emperor and could feel safe, knowing that he was unlikely to face execution on trumped up charges. Life had been good to him but one day he got too close to the action in a major battle and an arrow that had been dipped in camel dung hit him in the shoulder.

The wound itself was small, but it rotted and festered and resisted all treatment with water, ointments and bandages to heal it, and within a week he had died. He was deeply mourned and his body was mummified but something went wrong with the rituals and the soul, or at least a part of it,  was trapped within the body. Over a century or so his body rotted and his slumbering soul awoke and possessed the bandages. He awoke, only to find himself sealed within the darkness of a tomb which he was unable to escape from.

He would soon have become insane like the others of his kind, if a gang of tomb robbers had not chosen just that moment to break into his tomb. When they saw him they panicked and fled for their lives and he let them go. He blinked in the light and decided to take his sword and a few other items from his grave goods. It was when he saw himself in the mirror that he realized what he had become and that he would never enjoy the fruits of high office again.

He put on a cloak so that he would appear human and left the tomb, and wondered what he would do now, as there was no way that he would be able to fit into society again. His family was dead, his Emperor was dead, and he was now an outcast. He was feeling very sorry for himself when he noticed a small boy running from a city guard and decided to help the boy. He used his bandages to trip the guard and when the guard came at him with a baton he threw him into a wall. To his surprise the boy did not scream and run away in terror but befriended him and took him to his parents who, like their son, were criminals.

The boy explained about him and the parents took him in and it was they who started him off on a life of crime. He found that he could drop his human shape and slide under almost any door, and was able to steal things that humans could not reach. He did this because as an Undead there was no chance of honest employment, and out of a rage against a society that had forgotten and rejected him. It was not long before one of the organized crime families of the region took him in and he committed all kinds of robberies and burglaries with them, including that of the general who lived in his old home. Over the years he worked his way up from being an associate to a prospect and then a full member.

He faced serious risks of course. Once the city guards arrested him, thinking that he was human, and he went quietly along with several other gang members, then when the guards had locked him up he slid under his cell door, strangled a nearby guard, took the keys and set his friends free, and they escaped together. On two occasions other criminals tried to murder him. One tried to burn him, other stabbed him in the back but only inflicted a small wound that soon healed up. He throttled them both as a warning to the others. Generally, however, the others liked him as he would never leave them in the lurch or inform on anybody, and in time he became a crime boss in his own right, moving with the times and learning a new language when his own became obsolete.

Special Equipment

A sword that he took from his grave goods, with a hilt of ivory and a blade of somewhat rusted metal, which is likely to infect and wound with tetanus. Also, a few lockpicks-genrally however, he does not need many tools.

Roleplaying Notes

Pataket has *lived* for many centuries and takes great care that only those who know and trust him well know of his true nature. He has seen many gang bosses come and go whilst he has remained the same. He is bitterly resentful of those who he feels forced him into crime because of their fear and ignorance. When he walks in the rain he has servants with umbrellas to protect him from getting soaked. There are all sorts of rumours circulating about him in the criminal underworld.

Plot Hooks

The PCs are guarding an item that Pataket has come to steal. Can they keep it safe?

Pataket has sent the PCs to break into a tomb where he beleaves his wife is buried-sadly, she is by now just another insane bandage beast like the rest of them. Depending on the game he might or might not come with them.

Additional Ideas (0)

Please register to add an idea. It only takes a moment.

Suggested Submissions

Join Now!!

Gain the ability to:
Vote and add your ideas to submissions.
Upvote and give XP to useful comments.
Work on submissions in private or flag them for assistance.
Earn XP and gain levels that give you more site abilities.
Join a Guild in the forums or complete a Quest and level-up your experience.
Comments ( 7 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Chaosmark
January 8, 2007, 23:29
While this shows a good deal of free thought, it seems...short. Not quite finished. Unfortunately, I can't give any more advice than that.
Voted MoonHunter
January 9, 2007, 2:44
Cheka, it would of helped if you linked it to the post that explains what this poor man is.

I love the concept. The execution of the submission is weak in terms of description and color. Too much narration, not enough expression (show don't tell). It is sort of all to simple. I feel like someone is trying to describe a 2 hour long movie in 3 minutes while making copies at work. The forgetting to link this submission to the original is an unforgivable oversight. I am linking it now. And you should edit the description text to, oh I don't know, mention that he is actually a Bandage Beast.
Cheka Man
January 9, 2007, 11:54
If it had been Stephen King or one of you, I'm sure it would have been really good. At least the idea is good-a sane Bandage Beast, forced into crime because noone legit would hire an Undead, who can break into almost anywhere. I don't know how to add links. :(
January 10, 2007, 2:11
Scroll down to the bottom.. either type in the name or the ID number in the Suggest a submission box. It is the same as adding to a codex, which you have done before.

The other way, which is in the guidelines:
Put the name of the submission in square brackets. That causes an autolink.

Or you could of just cut and pasted the URL for the submission in as well.
Voted Scrasamax
January 10, 2007, 3:41
I like the idea of having a sane version of a normally insane undead, plus he can have problems of loosing his humanity when he looses his human shape to slip under a door, and other things like that.
Voted Murometz
January 10, 2007, 8:54
An interesting creature, to say the least.
Voted valadaar
September 22, 2013, 16:41
None of us are Steven King, at least as far as I know:)

The best response to critique is to learn fromit what you can, and if it makes sense, incorporate it into your work.

I like this sub and the idea of a good, sane man trapped in the undead form.


Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

       By: Iain

A race of people identical in all respects to humans except for the fact that they lay eggs.

Ideas  ( Lifeforms ) | January 10, 2005 | View | UpVote 1xp

Creative Commons License
Individual submissions, unless otherwise noted by the author, are licensed under the
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License
and requires a link back to the original.

We would love it if you left a comment when you use an idea!
Powered by Lockmor 4.1 with Codeigniter | Copyright © 2013 Strolen's Citadel
A Role Player's Creative Workshop.
Read. Post. Play.
Optimized for anything except IE.