Lord Johann Coldwater
A weary adventurer-turned-lord. His fief is slowly growing, but threatened by growing forces of humanoids... and approaching winter.
Appearance:
In his forties, with a head of graying hair, braided into one strand, and a full beard - with more black in it than his hair, but not much.
His most noticeable trait is that he is missing his left arm, from just above the elbow down. It looks to be an old wound.
His blue eyes are weary, but determined - the lines on his face complement the scars that cover the rest of his body.
His daily outfit consists of warm, practical clothing, topped with a magnificent cloak (of charisma). When girded for war, he wears full plate (of cold resistance) with his coat-of-arms both inscribed on his shield as well as printed on his surcoat.
Regardless of his dress, he always has his blade and a dagger at his side.
Background:
Once part of a successful adventuring band, he and his companions defeated an older dragon, using the beast's horde and the honors lauded by the reigning king to begin work on their new home - this lakeside citadel.
Within two winters, trouble struck in the form of large raids by bugbears. The two sides clashed often, culminating in a large battle 10 years ago in the heart of winter.
Though the bugbears were vanquished, the companions suffered grievous losses. The halfling rogue - Terri Bracegirdle - disappeared, and to this day her fate is unknown. The noble dwarf Bjorn Hammerfist fell, as well - his grieving brother Nori took his body and retired to their mountain home. The only survivors were the ranger, Sebastian, the one-eyed wizard Galen, and the lord Johann Coldwater himself - minus an arm.
To this day, troubles have come and gone, but the fief of Coldwater has prospered. Unfortunately, reports indicate that the bugbears are massing forces again, backed by hooded ... others.
A recent meeting betwixt Sebastian, Galen, and Lord Coldwater have determined that the hooded ones are humanoids that are multiple in number, have been observed turning to smoke, and seem to move about unseen by the masses. They are also inhumanly strong and some can work magic.
Some of the above information was witnessed first hand by Sebastian (in hiding), and the rest has been determined by Galen's divinations.
The reasons behind the massing of bugbears under the guidance of these beings is still unknown. Lord Coldwater has begun his own preparations, however. His defenses and troops are being plussed up, and a call has gone out for adventurers to learn the truth.
Roleplaying Notes:
He is world-weary, but cares deeply about his remaining friends and people under him.
He has married and has children, though none of this family is of PC-class (or age, in the case of his children).
Ideally, Lord Coldwater would like for his family and people to live in peace and prosperity. Being pragmatic, he knows better and prepares for the worst - another war with the bugbears.
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? Responses (11)
krichaiushii...that's an interesting name. Never seen you before on this site, so if you're new, welcome.
Anyway, your NPC intrigues me to no end. I love the realism of Johann, his age, his wounds, his past, everything. I would advise that you add more depth to your NPC and his history.What are his goals? Motivations? Dreams? Desires?
Also, who are these 'hooded ones'? How can your character be of use to other NPC's passing through the area? Just a few topics you might want to hit on should you revise this NPC.
This NPC has the potential to become something great, and with just a little more polish, it will be.
4/5
This is a good post that is just a few touches away from being a great post. Just a few more pieces of depth in terms of motivation and history (explanation about the vauge hooded ones on the top of what I would like to see), and this will be a perfect five star NPC.
Vague vague vague.
This character's backstory is very vague.
Vague pretty much describes it.
Flesh out the backstory, give him more depth. Add more personality, if you could.
Final verdict...
3/5.
I made it vague for easier usage by others.
If specifics is what you desire, I shall think on it...
Hey, I understand perfectly krichi... I mean krachui... I mean...
Whatever your name is!
Vague, to a point, is good. But, for example, a general idea who the hooded ones are (Cthulu-esk cultists, Illuminati, A cabal of necromancers, the local Pro-Human/ anti-non-human league, or is it a litch) would be helpful. We don't needed pointed details, just a direction to go.
I added what Coldwater and his companions know and fear.
My description fits at least two types of creature. Many more, if you add multiple levels in spellcaster class(es) of your choice.
Interesting...
Here's a tip for newcomers to the Citadel:
If we point out issues we have with your submission (character or otherwise) it is better not to edit your submission. It's better just to remember the constructive (I stress constructive) criticism for next time, so that your next submission will be that much better.
That is your opinion. I personally think that editing the entry is a good thing. After you edit, you leave a comment saying you edited. Then people reading all this will know to look at everything after the edit.
If they don't edit it, we just have either crap or something have to delete. If they do edit it, we might have something to keep.
Bah!
Good general NPC to start off with.