Full Item Description
Fjostrez is a great two handed sword, forged of black steel. Its blade is about a handspan across at its widest point, and five feet long. The crosspiece is two feet long and straight. The hilt is a foot long covered in thin strips of steel, and then in leather, and finally, wrapped in copper wire.
History
Over a thousand years before recorded history, the smith Fjondal, was commissioned by Tluin, knight of the Red Blades, to forge him a weapon of the finest craftsmanship. Fjostrez. It took him a year to finish, but when it was done it housed some of Fjondal's soul. In the years following its forging Fjostrez was wielded through many a war and adventure, until, finally, Tluin was apparently killed in an attempt to save Demitrius (the capitol city of his home country). Then the blade was then given to Fyranteth Anguil ,a great warrior who escaped the attack, when Tluin was thought dead . Fjostrez has seen use in the hands of Fyranteth for several years, and is still in his possession. There are rumors that Tluin lived through the massacre and is somewhere regaining strength.
Magic/Cursed Properties
Fjostrez glows brightly with an inner, red light.
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? Responses (9)
Well, at least it doesn't glow an eldritch shade of blue. I'm asuming that Tluin is unaging, because you start in one Date system and then skip it's logical counterpart into another system entirely. Just briefly, what are the Knights of the Red Blades? Who is Eldearth?
Plot Hook: PC's gain possession of the sword, but find that the prior owner isn't quite as dead as previously thought, and he'd kill to get his sword back.
Alright, the knights of the Red Blade are an elite order that serve King Demitrius. They usually, but not always wield blades of flame. Actually Eldearth implies any time before the fall of Demitrius. I am going to submit Tluin's story a little later.
I'd clean up some of the hanging plotlines and clarify some setting notes (for instance, short notes on who King Demitrius is, and what Fell-Kin is).
It's a nice historical blade, but the powers are pure cliche.
I'm glad that you keep creating and trying to improve Colonel Drackler. Your work is slowly getting better. Keep going!
I like the name Fjostrez. Sounds like a magical sword.
Soldier on Colonel, the name ROX and the descriptions are getting better with each submission.
The power sections is a bit scant. Not that I want to see more powers, but to explain some more on how it can use. Is the sword smart? Is it worth listening too? Does it have thousands of years of experience? Is it cranky that some upstart will take him or happy to be rid of the bore he has been saddled with for so long.
Fyranteth Anguil (a Fell-Kin of no little importance) in the year 1 A.E. (After Eldearth). Fjostrez has seen use in the hands of Fyranteth for several millennia, and is still in his possession.
A little more explanation of Fell-Kin would be nice. Immortality needs to be explained. If this guy is of little importance AND this sword is worth having, why hasn't someone higher up taken it from him?
I do need to improve I see. Fell-Kin will appear shortly, also, Fyranteth is a Fell-Kin of NO little importance. He will also be appearing.
Not much to say beyound what has been said. What you have there looks good so far...