Special Equipment:
Flaming Saber and fireproof cloak.
Appearance:
Is on the short side but very powerfully built. Piercing grey/green eyes and blonde hair. Scar runs down left side of face, missing two finger on left hand.
Background:
Born poor, Sabot Raith ran away from home and jioned a local thief with his pack or urchins. Quick fingered, he became the favorite of the thief and was soon in charge of the gang. He was caught trying to steal from a wizard’s workshop, but instead of turning over to the authorities, the wizard saw promise in him and took him in as a student. He accompanied the wizard and his companions on a quest and was the only survivor after the party was attacked by giants. Retirning to the city, he continued his magical studies until call on by the king to recovery an artifact in the mountians. He recovered the artifact, but again was the only survivor of the party. Fearful that his limited magical abilities would not always protect him, he jioned the army and learned swordcraft. After several years he became bored and left the service continuing to find advrentures of his own. Although he now has many companions which have gone on adventures and survived, he is remembered for his first few in which he was the only survivor. He is now semi-retired and lives in his manor where he collects books.
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2004-05-19 07:29 PM
I'd give this a 2.5, but since I cannot give that, I'll give it 3. This is like a newly mined gem. With a bit of refining and care, this character could shine, in my opinion.
Additionally, I like the nickname given from the real name.
3/5
2004-05-19 09:50 PM
First of all, separate the paragraphs. It makes it easier to read, and makes it seem longer, and thus, more impressive (I know, I know, that's cheating. Shut up.).
The backstory seems a little... I don't know. Vague is not the word... I couldn't tell you what it is, but it's missing something. It's not compelling. It doesn't present anything terribly unique.
However, like Shadow said, the nickname bit was good thinking.
It's not terrible, though. I see no glaring grammatical and spelling errors. It is not that cliched. It doesn't seem bad, but once again, I can't put my finger on exactly why. *Shrug*
So, I'll give it a...
3/5.
2004-05-20 03:00 AM
ephe!
2004-05-20 03:15 AM
Another possibility of making it less "vague" (to continue the usage of that word, for lack of a better) would be to mention how he got his flaming sword and fireproof cloak, or why he favours such a fiery way of combat. Overall though 3/5: it's good.
2004-05-20 12:57 PM
Of course he lost his fingers when he was caught as a thief; the wizard didn't think the attempt should go entirely unpunished.
He favors a fiery way of combat, because, being a little on the short side, he likes to be noticed.
He'll be rounded out more later
2004-05-20 07:48 PM
Either way, think on your posts and keep up the good work ;)
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