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Articles
Fiction
Gaming - In General
1.63
4 Votes

-4xp


Hits: 2018
Comments: 7
Ideas: 0
Rating: 1.625
Condition: Normal
ID: 5055

Submitted:

Updated:
May 18, 2008, 1:34 pm

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Can you hear that sound?

By:

It comes slowly, making it’s
Way toward you, a look of
Hunger could be seen In its eyes…

Can you hear that sound?

Can you hear that sound?
Wings flapping in the distance
A scream of horror

It comes slowly, making it’s
Way toward you, a look of
Hunger could be seen
In its eyes, your heart beats fast
And your blood races, one more

Flap of
Its wings would bring
Him to your point, what do
You do? You can’t run and you can
Not hide

It seems to shift the air
Can you hear him coming?
You can feel your soul begin to tear
You feel as though your caught in a snare
You feel your muscles numbing
It seems to shift the air
You’re stuck in his ever-lasting glare
You feel yourself succumbing
You can feel your soul begin to tear
This fight you know will be unfair
Beyond the sound of his wings flapping you hear a humming
It seems to shift the air
nothing can compare
You can’t scream, the fear is dumbing
You can feel your soul beginning to tear
You wonder why you walked into his lair
Toward your sword you feel your hand thumbing
It seems to shift the air
You can feel your soul being to tear

what’s this?
you feel a strange
feeling come about your body you
feel as though you can fight, you pull
your blade

A sinister laugh
Could be heard as his blade cut
Deep into your chest
Blood dripped slowly down his sword
His hand grabbed your head and he

Bit into your throat
You can feel yourself die, is
This freedom from life?



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Comments ( 7 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Ancient Gamer
May 20, 2008, 11:21
1xp
Well, you use the air, tear, lair rhyme too often.

As for the poem itself, well, I have failed to discover the true essence of it. There is no metaphor, no essential human emotion or feeling being described.

Furthermore I fail to discover any link to roleplaying and roleplaying games.

I will review this vote if the sub is edited and my key concerns have been addressed.
kalabar
May 20, 2008, 22:06
-1xp
It's a Fictional poem about A demon, coming home from a Failed Hunt.

And I will explain my Poem set up

Haiku 5 7 5 (syllables)

Cinquain 5 7 5 7 7 (syllables)

Tonka 2 4 6 8 2 (syllables or words)

Villenell (19 lines)

Tonka 2 4 6 8 2 (Syllables or words)

Cinquain 5 7 5 7 7 (syllables)

Haiku 5 7 5 (syllables)

In that order, if you need me to spell out exactly the format for each poem I will. So the whole "Air tear" rhyme is meant to be like that

Villenel (19 line poem)

A1
B
A2
A
B
A1
A
B
A2
A
B
A1
A
B
A2
A
B
A1
A2

As for the Human emotion, you're wrong.

Everyone has had the feeling, everyone knows the feeling. It's that feeling that you get when you feel like everything is lost, that there is nothing that you could ever do, nothing could ever fix what has happened, and then you get that sudden feeling of rejuvination, one that tells you to fight, and tell you to keep fighting until the end... but in the end you lose anyway....
Ancient Gamer
May 21, 2008, 2:07
0xp
Perhaps you could link it to roleplayers by making it the final poem of some defeated general? It could be part of the folklore of some culture or something.
Voted Silveressa
May 21, 2008, 1:04
0xp
I too fail to see how this is related to gaming in anyway. If it was linked to an actual demon sub, or npc sub, or *something* concrete to link it to actual gaming related to the poem then it'd make sense.

Currently this poem could just as easily be about a nightmare, or a horror movie as about something gaming related. (It also feels rather repetitive but that could just be me.)
axlerowes
October 28, 2012, 20:49
0xp
Again the *concrete* argument for good content. Gaming is a cross genre medium, anything you could do in a horror movie or nightmare you could do in a game. So the poem has a much to do with gaming as anything that is not explicitly written for GMs or players. That said it is not an inspiring poem.
Voted axlerowes
October 28, 2012, 20:49
0xp
I didn't hate it.
Voted valadaar
July 10, 2013, 12:28
0xp
Article, Fiction - sure
Gaming in General - Tenuous.

Not a lot to take away here, unless you are looking perhaps for filler text in some evil book or scroll. I wonder what kalabar 4 more years older would do - this feels to me like teenage goth poetry.




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