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ID: 2388


February 20, 2007, 11:20 am

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Kaboo, Gladdys, and their Dim-Witted Nephew


Before there was the National Enquirer, there was Kaboo.


Kaboo is an average old man. He is skinny and frail, with a balding pate, a beak of a (usually runny) nose, and arthritic limbs. His left leg is particularly lame, having been mangled in a dockside accident during his youth.

Gladdys, his wife, is a short, rosy-cheeked matron of indeterminable age. She is somewhat paunchy but with a look of good general health about her.

Dimwit is a fat, homely young man, with patchy, sandy blonde hair, and dull brown cow-eyes. He has stained yellow-brown teeth, due to all his constant tobacco chewing. In fact, as Kaboo says, if he had four legs, he would resemble a cud-chewing bovine!


Not much to tell here. Kaboo’s claim to fame is that he was born, lives, and will probably die in the same house on the same street, called, Olyphant’s Foot Road, in the capital city of Marsuth. He is proud to tell anyone who will listen, that his great, great, great, great grandfather and every paternal figure since, was born, lived and died, in this very same house. Gladdys is Kaboo’s better half. She is always seeing the bright side of things, while Kaboo tends to be a tad melodramatic, and blames everyone but himself, including ‘the fates’ for his meager existence. They met in an inn, and once they started chatting, destiny stepped in, and the two tattlers fell in love. Sadly, they soon learned that they couldn’t have children, but fate intervened again, delivering them a lummox of a nephew on their doorstep.

Special Equipment

absolutely nothing special

Roleplaying Notes

Kaboo is Marsuth’s greatest rumormonger. Gladdys is likewise a gossip extraordinaire. Together they are a fountain of useful, and oftentimes useless information. Kaboo knows everyone. He has friends among the dockworkers, has acquaintances in every guild house, and is on good terms with every innkeeper in town. No one minds having Kaboo milling round, he’s harmless after all, so he is welcome everywhere and has the peculiar, singular, talent of overhearing everything and anything. No tidbit ever escapes Kaboo’s ears.

Gladdys as well has, seemingly, the same relationship with every married woman in town, excluding the noble class, or the “higher-ups” as she calls them. Teatime with Gladys, is an institution among the middle class and lower class ladies of Marsuth. Gladdys doesn’t discriminate. If a woman is capable of speech, Gladdys wants to talk to her! When Kaboo cant pickup any good “chant” as he calls it on the streets, he simply goes home to Gladdys, and she begins to spin her tales about what she learned that day, and from whom she learned it.

Dimwit, as he’s called, since no one knows his real name, is Kaboo’s and Gladdys’ nephew. He told them he couldn’t remember his own name, when as a twelve year old he showed up at the little corner house at the end of Olyphant’s Foot Road. Now, ten years later, he just might be the dumbest man in Marsuth. He came to live with the couple, after his mother (Gladdys’ sister), slipped in her bathtub, and cracked her skull open in a tragic accident. To this day, Kaboo chides Dim-Wit, that she fell and broke her head on purpose, out of shame of having reared such a buffoon. Dimwit isn’t bothered by Kaboo’s insults. He doesn’t care about anything really, except drinking, chewing his tobacco, and waiting for days to turn to nights, just so he can begin the same routine the next day. He also enjoys aunt Gladdys’ cooking, and it shows.

Kaboo drags Dim-Wit everywhere and uses him as his listening device, since Kaboo is incapable of not talking about something, somewhere, or someone for more than a few minutes at a time. And so it goes…If you come to Marsuth, and want ANY kind of information, no sage or barkeep can tell you more than Kaboo. He’s not hard to find either. Everyone knows him, and he can usually be seen in any number of taverns, sitting across the table from his nephew, talking. Dimwit usually stays quiet, but once in a while will interrupt to ask or say something stupid or inappropriate.

“Conversations with my Dim-Witted Nephew”

Singing Manticore
Crows and Ravens
Poisoned Wine
Crying Swordsman
Evil Baby
Fish Tale
The Shipment
Cheatin’ Spouse
Down At The Docks
The Secret
The Book
Deep In The Mine
The Lucky Ranger
The Giant
The Elf
The Coin

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Comments ( 9 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted CaptainPenguin
March 4, 2006, 13:31
I like it... Not a revolutionary character, but a good way to hook players. :D

Voted MoonHunter
March 4, 2006, 13:36
This character has a truly useful game function. It's presentation is unique. Once you put titles on all those rumor links, it will be great. :)

Two paws up!
Voted Cheka Man
March 4, 2006, 13:36
Nice.Some people might dislike him if they were talking about secret things.
Voted Scrasamax
March 4, 2006, 15:36
At first, I was unimpressed with Kaboo (Kaboo? Kaboo!?) seeing him as the stereotype of the old man playing checkers in front of the gas station. I guess living in Appalachia has inured me to the charm of such things. It wasnt until I clicked on the text links, leading to the singing manticore that I cracked a smile. I like this sort of character in a game, though I think that Dimwitt, and Kaboo's name detract from the post.
March 4, 2006, 16:49
Yeah, about that. The rumor texts are the actual "meat". This Kaboo & Co. npc entry is just the bones. I first did the rumors off-the-cuff, then added this submission the next day. Kaboo is actually named after my friend, drumroll...Kabu (he's nosy). I guess this troika could have had better names though :) Wait! hold the phone Scras! I just recalled a certain archmage named "RICHBUTBUSY"!! from the Auchinduin Mine :)

Thanks to MoonHunter for all his (still ongoing) technical help and support! The rumor links now have titles!
March 4, 2006, 21:38
March 5, 2006, 11:57
By the way, I expect more conversations and rumors for him.
Voted valadaar
May 30, 2014, 8:57
This is great stuff - these rumors are amazingly well written.

Get your ass back here Muro and post stuff like this. Soo awesome!
Voted Kassy
May 30, 2014, 10:31

Neat work Muro!

The Special Equipment quip sticks out like a sore thumb though.


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If the blade's wielder somehow loses the weapon or has it taken away, they will become inconsolable, and will predictably go to "ends of the earth and back" to retrieve it at any cost. Such is the weapon's curse that even separation from it does not damper the feelings the owner has for the sword. Legends tell of several distraught and mind-addled knights who even years after losing the blade, still wander the country-side searching for their lost love. And woe be to the "new lover" if and when they find him or her.

Ideas  ( Items ) | October 18, 2013 | View | UpVote 5xp

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