I have to smile whenever I feel angry. This way, I make them really scared of me. And I keep them docile. Yes, docile underlings are the best. They don’t think on their own, they don’t get squeamish, they just act. They become valuable tools, extensions of your own ingenious mind, manifestations of your own iron will. I have to smile whenever I feel angry. My father told me so. I used to cower when I saw him smile. I remembered the sense of fear taking hold of me. For me, fear doesn’t paralyse, it creeps up on me. First, it seizes my neck, then it slithers down my spine, inching itself along it ever so slowly. Inch by inch… Now, I drink in the sense of fear that my underlings exude. Yes, they exude fear and the smell is absolutely intoxicating. Better than the sweetest perfume. I inhale deeply of the perfume of fear and I laugh. I laugh towards the sky.
I have to cry whenever I feel happy. Good events are so few and far between in my life that I look upon each of them with gratitude. What expressions I wear for the rest of the times, you ask? None at all. I learnt to go without any expressions. You see, they become your weaknesses. Weaknesses that others could exploit. So yes, I go around expressionless. Expressionless when I’m depressed, expressionless when I’m angry, expressionless when I’m insulted, expressionless when I’m denied. I have to cry whenever I feel happy. It’s the only expression I allow myself, in secret, in absolute solitude of course. I have to cry whenever I feel happy. It is a way for me to commemorate these few and far in-between occasions. As I cry, I absorb a part of these experiences to hold in my core in exchange for the floods pouring out of me.
“I no longer want to be enthroned and enshrouded with you. I have my own dignity, don’t want it to be tart.” These could be the hidden thoughts of a woman who is breaking out of a love relationship that is increasingly leading to disillusionment. In particular, the reference to dignity being tart could refer to her increasingly resorting to cynical behaviour to protection her own dignity. She must be a proud woman, quite prickly, like a porcupine. She could be hiding a vulnerable core. She might not accept that many people into her confidences and her trust is a thing to be guarded for it is very delicate.
“Segregated through cold stares my heart is used to them and beyond sighing Cold laughter seemingly sprints sewing over the brilliancy in my dreams Predestinated love is like cold rain that treads back and forth intermittently Maintains me full of experiences of meeting and breaking up frequently wailing alone
Have lounged and having hustled because dejection alone likes to leach onto me tight Cold arrows practised on me even though I feigned into a sitting position by myself There are not that many lovers who can acclimate one to old ages Love often pleaches tricks on me caterwauls me to crossbreed various stumbling situations”
This passage describes the life experiences of someone who has been looked down upon for a substantial period of time or since childhood which has profound effects of him/her. More important than being looked down upon, he/she seemed to be outcast but now the character has gotten used to such treatment and he/she remains unflustered by it. His/her achievements were not valued but rather smothered by cold laughter. He/her had had been in a love relationship that seemed to be somewhat fateful and it left him/her in anguish often.
The character has lost much and been through periods of both action and passivity. He/she is very good at self-protection but is also frequently a victim to unexpected attacks. He/she has not found many lovers that are in agreement with his own set purpose in life. Love has often led him/her into complex situations in which he/she had to capitalize on and somehow ‘cross-breed’ various circumstances for his/her own purposes.
“Did not chase and hasten to be forthright with the trumpet I was somewhat hurt but haven’t lost diplomacy Looking back and then again what if we meet again We will still wave goody-goody to each other”
This character has obviously been hurt by a malicious remark by someone but he must have had a good upbringing as he follows strictly the manners dictated by diplomacy. He was in no hurry to announce the truth of something. I imagine him to be at least not bad looking, not sure whether he has actual good looks or not. He knows how to dress himself in a fashionable way. He can carry himself well around people, although not a social butterfly as people come to think of him. That malicious remark he heard might have something to do with his love relationship. I don’t think he’s a play boy.
“Did not chase and hasten to be forsooth with the truth I was somewhat hungry but haven’t lost directions Looking back and then again what if we meet again We will still wave goodbye to each other”
This character had just said farewell to someone who was a bit antagonistic towards him and there was something that he should have told him about but being mischievous, he omitted it. This might come back to haunt him later as they were all stranded on some isolated place and needed each other in case of mishaps. He was currently hungry but he knew a little about his surroundings after previous exploration and could find his way back to his temporary shelter where he still had some food stashed. However, he was running out of food and the fact that the current reconnoitering trip earned him nothing worried him.
“I thirsted being besides you also countermanded eternity Like it was still yesterday But yesterday is already very far away However, clobbering my eyes, I can still see it.”
This character is female. She fell hopeless in love with someone and thirsted of just merely being in proximity to the person. She thought that her love for this person went beyond the concept of eternity- that she just needed the closeness for her own comfort of mind and that she would be sated. When she looked back, she realised the foolhardiness then and she could just see the past very clearly as if it was just yesterday. But she had grown up substantially since then and would not be in the same state if the same thing was to happen again. However, she still saw those memories most vividly whenever she was drunk.
“You already kowtow that grief is inevitable why argue you still singleminded in love Since separation in love is always hard why talk/tackle to heart that tiny bit of tenderness You have to kowtow that grief is inevitable in every moment that you arch awake There are some things that you need not be ashamed of now there are some people that you never need to wag for”
The passage could be about a third person who could only sigh when he viewed upon a particular character who was already resigned to the fact that only grief would come about his/her love pursuit but was being stubborn in front of others and pretended to be singleminded in love. This third person seems to be in an advising position to this ‘singleminded’ character, could be some kind of mentorship, or at least the third person cared enough about the other character to share his wisdom. In particular, the third person advised (maybe parting advice) that there are situations that call for one to discard one’s dignity temporarily but that there should never be a person that one has to wag for.
“Love is like raindrops seemingly broken but in fact hard to break The more it is threshed about the more disarrayed it befalls I no longer waltz to be entangled with you I hazard my own dignity don’t want it to be tarnished Unfortunately my heart waltzs to dispute but it is hard to dispute Waggling after saying farewell is also a wish thwarted Forever on the edge of love and pain How should one decelerate and chirp”
This passage is a bit weird to use directly but I thought it might go well with some kind of plot where a romance goes askance
“Cold laurel seemingly spreads shadowing over the briar in my drawing” I had a dream. In my dream, I was drawing, drawing a clump of briar, of the colour red, the red of flame, flame that reaches out to wrap around me, warming me. But then a laurel cast a shadow over my clump of briar, and with the shadow came a moaning wind, bringing it snow, snow that waltzes in the air like fine salt. I reached out a tentative hand to feel it and it was chill to the touch, bone chilly it was. I jerked back and then I found my clump of briar gone, gone like wisps of smoke that never existed. All that remained was the tall laurel that cast its majestic shadow over me and I was chilled, so chilled that my eyelids grew heavy….
“Falling in love is always ebony getting along too hapless If not yours then don’t try so hard to make it so The night is already decrepit but you still don’t want to sleep Are you still thinking of him Aren’t you tired of such devotion as yours Having already known that he will not come back to soothe you All you want is to love a person propitiously It’s a pity he cannot give you funny/frugal marks His heart does not know how to ache over exclaimatory sacrifice It shouldn’t be your intention to be simply a golden person/goody-goody”
The process of falling in love is a dark one, a dark but glossy one. Dark because it’s like being in an endless tunnel, never knowing when you will get to the end. Glossy, well, that’s what attracted you at first, right? Oh yes, the real misfortune comes when the two are trying to get along, when they try so hard to tug at the common ground between them. I don’t know why love is so difficult when all one wants is to love a person propitiously. I don’t have an answer for that. And you still want to hear more? Sorry, the night is getting decrepit. And you say you still don’t want to sleep? Well, well, well, that makes two of us.
“You already know that grief is inept why are you still sinuous in love Since separation in love is always haply why take to heart that tired bit of tenderness You have to know that grief is inexperienced in every moment that you are aweigh There are some things that you need not ask now there are some people that you never need to wait for”
This passage is interesting but quite hard to put to use as it combines a few unrelated or contrary aspects together. For example, the first sentence might describe a character who is currently in a situation where grief is inappropriate and he/she was going about a circuitous way to gain love. Maybe this is a situation involving revenge somehow or at least where he/she needs to take action for some purpose and not be bogged down by the pursuit of love. The next sentence seems to describe more generally that the coming together and separation in love is purely by chance and advocates one to look upon it lightly. The analogy that grief itself could be inexperienced is interesting but not sure to what context it could be put into. “In every moment that you are aweigh” can describe someone who get lost periodically and needs to be anchored.
Half lucid within my dress, I suddenly realise it’s so cold. I sneer. What is the meaning of loyalty? You ask. I can tell you, oh yes, I can tell you all about it. It means being carried off by so-called loyal servants sworn to protect you with their lives and entrusted with all of your family’s massive wealth and in the blink of an eye, sold to a place where you get to keep the company of mourning winkles and bitter rakes. It means being told that you would forever be a protected jewel embedded in his heart and just when you have thrown away all in a headlong rush into bliss, you are told that all is but a lie, leaving you stranded, wandering listlessly in a desert.
I never thought that I would be blessed with receiving the Sight, the gift of divining from dancing shadows. Shadows don’t dance, you say? But they do. They dance out of the corner of your eyes. They dance when not observed. They dance in the dark of the night. They always dance in groups. They chase each other, ensnare each other, enmesh together and dance to the same rhythm. It’s a spectacle to behold, a true spectacle, if only you learn how to look. Oh yes, they are not only visible to those with the Sight. I’ve always been able to see that before I receive this gift. You just have to know how to look.
“I fell in love with a person who made me recognisable I thought that was the world that I wanted to pursue But having rushed about here and there, being misunderstood and being cheated I question whether the world underlying grown-ups always is always fleeting or inconsequent I’ve arrived at a cross-road that I have to face everyday I miss the sinful playful lithe happiness in my past Love always makes one cry, makes one feel unsatisfied The sky is very big but I can’t see it clemently so loopy”
Before I knew you, I was a clean slate, with nothing to distinguish me from all the other multitude. But you gave me my unique footprints such that others would recognise me as me. And I thought that was the world that I wanted to pursue. But in my wilful wanderings I was utterly unprepared for misunderstandings and malicious tricks. Hence, now that I’m lying down on a lonely knoll under a starry sky, a question is plaguing my mind: is everything in the world to be fleeting and coming to be inconsequential like specks of dust in the end? I am lost, yes, I am lost in this world where everything appears so crazy.
“Let us be inseparable in bohemian and sex”- a phrase obtained by switching the two nouns in the phrase “Let us be inseparable in body and shadow” in the S+7 way). Thought it will go well into a pop culture themed something.
I have to smile whenever I feel sad. This is the habit that I had bred into myself. I remember I used to think how pitiful that individual has to be when I heard the saying that “laugh when in front of others and cry when alone”. Little did I know then that one day I would take this to the extreme and develop the reflex of smiling whenever I feel sad. An irony, wouldn’t you say? Yes, I smile to myself. I have to smile whenever I feel sad. I don’t know when it started. All I know is that an intraversible barrier had separated the first and second half of my life. I could never go back to the old days. How I wish I could go back… I have to smile whenever I feel sad.
I have to cry whenever I feel angry. It’s a way for me to work off the anguish in my system. As tears flow out of me, I can feel a tangible decrease in the weight nesting in my chest. Yes, my tears are heavy then, heavy with the intense anger suffusing my blood, choking me. I have to cry whenever I feel angry else I will physically explode. I feel lava coursing through my veins at moments like that and I need an outlet. Yes, an outlet. That’s why I cry. Crying is my outlet…. I have to cry whenever I feel angry. It’s therapy to me, it soothes me like a lullaby soothes a baby.
The first time I lay eyes on the mansion, I knew that I had fallen in love with it and that I would do anything to get it. Yes, I worship materialism, have always worshipped it. Why this is frowned upon by some is a riddle for me, a riddle that puzzles me every day but that I have to face every day. At times this gets draining and I start missing the hardihood I had in the past which was simple direct, as single-minded as a bull charging forward in rage. Ah, yes, those were the good days, the simple good old days.
“You already know that grimness is inevitable why are you still singleminded in loyalty Since sentiment in loyalty is always hard why take to heart that tiny bit of temptation You have to know that grimness is inevitable in every Monday that you are awake There are some thirsts that you need not ask now there are some penthouses that you never need to wait for”
This character is a faithful retainer to someone, so much so that he doesn’t have much of a personal life of his own. In his line of work, personal sentiments might interfere with loyalty and are viewed as ‘small temptations’ that must be discarded. Consequently, he leads a grim life focused on his duty. Recently, on every Monday, he wakes up feeling a peculiar thirst for something inexplicable. He consults someone who is somewhat involved with the arcane and divination about this and was told that he need not question this now. However, he was also told not to wait for a particular penthouse to be available to him as a temporary haven which surprised him as he hasn’t told anyone else about this and it was a half plan still cooking within his mind.
I had a dream. I can only remember the barest outline of it, the vaguest outlines of the emotions it contained. Within the dream, I was half ludicrous. I cannot remember what exact actions I did but I felt half ludicrous. And then I realized that everything is only secondary, inconsequential, within the dream. I think I experienced love within it but it was a kind of love whereby one gets buffeted by winds that change direction wholly unexpectedly and bizonal rain that flit in and out of one’s vision, soaking oneself again and then again. I was blind in the dream, blind and reeking. I don’t know of what I was reeking but oh yes, I was reeking.