Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's Path part 17

Once in the elevator I turned to Ellen and pretended to smile, 'I saw the news report of your quelling a riot, and protecting people, I'm impressed.' I tried to keep the admiration my voice to a minimum, but still felt as if my friend had passed a milestone.

Ellen blushed self-consciously. 'Thank you. I just didn't want to see my beautiful neighborhood fall to fear and panic.'

'I'm glad you were there, my way of handling it would have been less... Peaceful.' My voice trailed off as I pondered how a bunch of soft unarmed civilians would be easy prey for my talons, how sweet they would taste.

Ellen nodded. 'I didn't want to hurt anyone... well... there were a couple real assholes trying to touch things off or just steal stuff. But mostly... Evie, there are so many of us in the neighborhood now... mostly Zeroes and Ones... they were just scared.'

I shrugged, feeling a little awkward at being referred to as one of any group after so long among the wilds of Africa. 'I'm glad they're okay, and this vaccine is helping them.' I offered after a moments consideration.

Ellen stepped off the elevator, but then said, 'hold on.' She moved behind me and put her hands on my shoulders. 'I've been practicing.' Her hands begin to work my tense shoulders and then began to softly vibrate, a relaxing feeling. 'You are so tense.'

I felt my shoulders hunch in anticipation of an imaginary blow when Ellen's hands slid across them, mentally kicking my instincts for triggering without my consent. 'I need a vacation after my vacation in Africa hon, and a long massage by a hot young masseuse.' I looked over my shoulder and smiled, catching myself at calling her hon, old habits died hard.

'Whatever is bothering you, if you want to talk, I'm here,' she said as her thumbs found the stress points. 'You're still someone I care about, Evie. You know that, right?'

I leaned back into Ellen's hands, the soft vibrations reminding me of a lionesses purr as we lounged underneath a Boabab tree, bellies stuffed with meat and content with the evenings onset.

'A lot happened in Africa, too much to summarize really, you should talk to Jenny, she could explain it better I think.' I sighed contentedly, feeling the tension easing from my muscles. 'Explain it without all the sobs and emotional baggage that would come with my retelling anyway,' I whispered to myself, feeling a twinge as I remembered Ellen's keen hearing. 'It's really been too long, way too long.'

I felt a slight metaphorical chill. 'Yeah... I definitely won't be talking to that manip--' she cut herself off. 'Look, you don't have to talk to me if you want. Or to Stella. But I'm still here for you. Evie...' She stopped, and steps around in front of me. Smiling softly, sadly. 'Whatever else we've been, we're friends and there's not much I won't do for my friends.'

'After we gab the coffee lets head back to my hotel room, it's not far from here, and the less curious ears to over hear our conversation the better.' I smiled and rolled my shoulders. 'And you can finish this massage without a coffee shop of gawkers.'

'I don't want to talk to her, or about her. I want to talk to you, about you. Not here, in the lobby of a hospital. But somewhere. Whenever you want to.' Ellen hesitated, knowing me and how I got near beds.

I gave her a sly smile, 'You're married, I respect that, unless Stella was up for a little manege trios?' I felt the glimmer of hope creep into my voice. 'I sprung for the honeymoon suite at the hotel, after sleeping on dirt floors and Savannah grass in Africa I needed the comfort of real furniture for a change.' I knew it would have been a long shot years ago, but with how much Ellen had blossomed in the recent months there was no harm in trying. 'And after I'll tell you both about Africa, and anything else you want to know.'

Ellen blushed at my mention of a three way. Then again ,when I said I sprung for the honeymoon suite. I realized why a moment later as we emerged onto the street and a man in a dark suit opened the back of a limo. Ellen smiled, 'We're just walking to the coffee shop, Malcolm.'

'Maybe I should grab the coffees and let you and Stella discuss my proposal?' I gave her a wink and pulled out a slip of paper, ready to take coffee orders. The limo looked inviting, especially since the shoes I'd purchased weren't quite broken in yet, but giving my friend a moment of privacy was more prudent.

Ellen smiled a little, but shook her head. 'I made a vow, Evie.' The driver closed the door and went to lean against the car, but Ellen paused. 'Unless you'd rather ride? I'm still not used to all of this. It seems silly to drive half a block.'

'Loyalty doesn't mean you can't have fun with your wife and a friend, loyalty means you can't let it be more than just fun with your wife and a friend, it's all a matter of perspective.' I winked again, sharing a bit of my personal wilderness wisdom and clicking the pen a time or two. 'Ask Stella her opinion, I'm curious what it is regardless of the answer.' I gave her a sly smile, thoughts of pleasure momentarily drowning out those of finality.

Ellen shook her head, but stopped, and stepped in front of me. 'I don't have to ask Stella. She'd love to if I wanted to. But...' she shook her head. 'I still care for you Evie. A lot. I will do anything I can for you, but that's not something I can do.'

I shrugged, letting the moment pass without complaint, 'You'd think there was something seriously wrong with me if I didn't at least try.' I followed my disarming statement with a friendly poke in Ellen's arm and climbed into the back seat of the Limo, hoping she wouldn't realize how much was actually wrong.

'Walking so much on two legs is more effort that even real coffee's worth, hop in.' I raised my voice a little out of habit, admiring the plush leather of the limo's interior.

Ellen opened the door and climbed in. 'Coffee shop, please.' She raised the privacy partition, then reached over and hugged me. 'I worry, because I feel like you use sex to gauge affection, and I always wondered if you thought I didn't care enough when I didn't want to make love.' She smiled. 'I'm more confident, now. I still hope you know how much you mean to me, though.'

I faked a smile and returned the hug, deciding bluntness was the easiest route. 'You got it a bit backwards, I use sex to express friendship and sharing a mutually enjoyable activity.' And hide from things I'd rather not deal with at the moment, and with humans to remind me of my humanity. I added silently to myself.

'Like in the wild, some species share intimacy for the sake of the enjoyment, like how female monkeys rub genitals together to welcome a distant member back into the group.' I relaxed into the hug kept pretending to smile, feeling a bit more relaxed at my partial admission of truth and hoping my awkward comment would keep from noticing how much I was hurting.

'I differentiate between sex and making love, I keep forgetting most of your kind don't.'

I fished around for a seat belt, more out of habit than necessity, mildly surprised to find the Limo was lacking in visible restraints.

I could see Ellen restrain the urge to say 'eew.' But she looked in my eyes and put a hand on my cheek. 'Maybe,' she said. 'I won't rule it out. So maybe. But not here, not now. Not in a hotel, in another city, while my best friend lays broken in the hospital.'

I nodded in agreement, having momentarily forgotten about Sarah's predicament as my personal desires intruded.

'And never without the full permission and cooperation of my wife.' She added unnecessarily.

'Absolutely. Never.' My voice held a tone of cold certainty usually reserved for threats or ultimatums, momentarily surprising me. I shook myself mentally forcing a deep breath to remove the intensity from my voice.

'Back in Greenwich another time, if things work out that way.' I nodded in agreement with Ellen's decision. giving up on my hunt for a seat belt. 'I'm thinking a ride in your limo around the city after we get our coffee will be a fine place to talk, it's less, awkward for the both of us I think.'

Ellen leaned in and kissed me, just a soft contact of lips, I got a sexier kiss at her wedding reception. I returned the kiss softly, feeling a pained temptation for further intimacy as I felt the limo roll to a stop.

'Do we get it ourselves or tell the driver what we want?' I shrugged and gave Ellen an embarrassed look 'The last time I was in a limo was when I went to a Museum gala, and that was with a half dozen other guests. We didn't exactly stop for refreshments along the way.' I grinned at the memory of the museum director trying to hide the fact he was nearly car sick on the short ride.

'We get it ourselves.' She told me, hopping out without waiting for the driver and heading into the shop.

I nodded and hurried after her, pausing to retrieve my shoes from the floor of the limo.

'Cambodian cashew crunch looks good, two sugars and a dash of cream.' I placed the order after only a moments glance at the menu, feeling an impulsive desire to try something new.

Ellen went to order. She ordered some herbal tea, a vanilla latte and a dark chocolate mocha.

'Now that;s a caffeine habit!' I joked, knowing full well she was ordering for her wife and sitter. 'Hey, maybe you should invite Stella down to the limo for the ride as well, it'll save filling her in on the conversation later.' I kept my voice casual, hoping Ellen wouldn't read something unintended in the innocent suggestion.

'If I talk to you about my Safari, I'm not going to do it all over again with her down the road.' I added, hoping to clarify my intentions. Or force you to tell her after I'm gone, I added silently. 'If not it's okay, I was only suggesting.' I shrugged indifferently as I took my cup and sniffed cautiously at the lids opening. I'm more interested about the nano machines in Sarah, I added mentally, the scent of the cashews tickling my nose.

Ellen put a hand on mine. 'Evie... I'm not saying you can't, or shouldn't, but you don't have to talk about it. There are things we don't have to talk about. We only have to accept them.'

'Blind acceptance are how monsters get made.' I said quietly, gently squeezing Ellen's hand. 'Sometimes you can't tell if you're a monster, or a goddess of feathered death, or just average without a second opinion.' I smiled recalling an old proverb 'Then again it is the insane man who doesn't question his sanity, I guess that applies to us gals too,'

'Acceptance doesn't mean turning a blind eye. But... Evie...' She looked around, then leaned closer and I heard the noise of the world fade away. 'I don't know what you did, but I know the look. I saw it in the mirror for years. I had to accept that it hadn't made me a monster. That it had saved me, and saved my friend. That I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't killed them.'

I froze, slightly shocked at Ellen's insight. 'It wasn't that I killed, it was how much I enjoyed doing it that bothers me.' I whispered back, passing my debit card to the cashier.

I felt a surge of emotion welling to the surface as I recalled the deaths, emotion tainted by instinctual desire, a primal blood lust I felt for the first time when avenging the young girls murder.

I realized I'd entered a literal cone of silence, and the barista was perplexed.

'Forget it, it's not something I can get into here, or in a limo, maybe after steak and beers at your place in the future.' I turned to address the cashier 'For my drink, unless my good looks are enough to pay for it?' I joked, giving him a toothy grin.

I took a deep breath, forcing the rising tide of energy back down, burying it for later, recalling what Jenny had told me about Sarah's condition, about nano machines infusing her, feeling my primal instincts slip away under the cold logic of clinical problems.

Ellen pulled my eyes back to her, looking at me. She smiled. 'I know. It felt good. I felt it too. It's primal. I protected Sarah. She was the one who always fought the bullies, but when it got really bad, I protected her. I felt great' Her lips began to quiver. 'Until later.'

My breath caught as I processed how much more I had in common with Ellen then I first thought, and perhaps Stella and Sarah too, realizing perhaps my own desire for sexual gratification wasn't just for the lust, but to quell heated emotions and allow the discussion of such difficult topics while more relaxed, less.. driven by desire.

'Ellen, you're making a scene.' I gently prodded my friend, hoping the entire cafe wasn't staring at us by now.

'I was fourteen the first time. We ran home. We listened to the news Sarah told me to tell anyone who asked she did it. And the next day she was gone. Run away, to divert blame. And I was alone with what I'd done.' She put a hand on either side of my face. 'You're not alone.'

I stared back, feeling the eyes of customers boring through me, staring with the intensity of the audience from my childhood.

'They can't hear us. Ignore them. What did Jenny tell you to do? I don't like her but I know she's smart. What did she say?' She urged me to focus on her, with an intensity I found surprising.

'To count the living.' I wanted to say more but I could feel my voice breaking.

'That sounds like good advice.' She smiled and hugged me.

I'd rather count myself among the d- my thoughts were interrupted by sudden heat as a few drops of coffee spilled form the lid across my wrist, and I struggled awkwardly to return the hug without dumping my coffee down Ellen's back.

Ellen released me with an apology, 'Sorry. Forgot about hot drinks.' She looked unexpectedly sheepish. The noise of the world trickled back gradually. She let me pay, but fished out a bill from her purse and stuffed it into the tip jar.

'She told me other stuff too, about the nano machines in Sarah,' I paused for effect. 'This is really a conversation for the limo, my Safari can wait until Greenwich after those bloody raw steaks.'

Ellen shook her head, but smiled. 'I bet she said something designed to make me think she'd told you everything so I could blurt out the stuff she didn't feel like saying.' She lifted the drink carrier. and headed to the car. 'Well, there were more than just her and Sarah affected.'

'Bloody rare. Whatever.' I shrugged, only making a half hearted attempt to correct myself. 'She said lots of stuff, and touched me, helped me figure out what I wanted from a human partner, what I get from animal ones.'

I rolled my eyes as I realized how easy it was to misconstrue the touched phrase, 'bloody human language, so imprecise.' 'Who else was affected?' I asked as I settled back into the limo, keeping the focus on Sarah rather than allowing Ellen to easily divert my inquiry.

'Me. Stella. Another friend of ours you don't know. They made us... We tried to hurt people we care about.' She said carefully.

'So what happened? How did you purge them? A sub sonic frequency at the right wave length would destroy non organic machinery without harming flesh.' I added, realizing Ellen's ability could annihilate them rather painlessly.

'Someone did science. I think there was a magnet.' She offered, seeming unsure herself.

I nodded, realizing the specifics were outside my scientific purview. 'Jenny also said Sarah needed specialized care, what's still wrong with her? Does it have something to do with her losing her powers years ago?' I tilted my head in curiosity, leaning down to sip at the coffee, grasping it with both hands and arcing towards it.

Ellen nodded. 'Sarah's been getting regular treatments for years to keep her powers suppressed. She was losing control of them. I think the nanos did something too.'

'So that's why she went to John Hopkins every 3 months.' I said quietly, part of the puzzle clicking into place. 'I still lose control of mine sometimes, even after all these years, especially since Africa.' I waved my hand dismissively. 'But that's not the point, I want to know what's wrong with her now.'

Ellen looked surprised a moment, eyes widening. But then she shook her head with a grin. 'Bad girl. You followed her. You saw her. Most of what's wrong is she got shot and thrown through a wall and face first onto the pavement. But...' She sighed. 'Apparently, when we were infected, the machines broke down the gene therapy keeping Sarah's powers dormant... her body fought back by making new machines.'

'I was worried about her, you'd have done the same thing if you didn't know what was going on with her. So she's still infected?' I asked eagerly suckling at the coffee.

Ellen nodded 'Except as near as we can tell, these fought off the other ones, then stayed in her system to take over suppressing her power.' Ellen shook her head. 'It's not completely clear because this entire time Sarah was impossible to get hold off. Between her depression and her new job she was always gone.'

'She needs a girlfriend, well in her case a boyfriend, someone she won't push away, or throw pudding at.' I grinned at the thought of Sarah flinging pudding at a nosy therapist 'Or won't leave after getting pudding faced anyway.'

'That's the last bit. Sarah didn't get hurt working security. We all found out a few days ago. She was working undercover. Sarah's NSA now.' Ellen added slowly.

'Really? That's... Huh...' I shrugged, unsure how to express my feelings on the revelation, feeling a deep distrust of governments, especially when it came to their laws concerning Deltas

'What was she investigating?' I asked, doubting I'd get an answer.

Ellen smiled. 'Yeah. I think it would have been a great idea before. But... I don't know... She used it to hide from the guilt and grief. And...' she chuckled. 'And when Sarah's friends got too worried, they went digging. Busted her op, she went ballistic. Mallory...'

Ellen tensed, and started giving off waves of distortion, like heat shimmer off pavement on a hot day. 'Mallory blasted off her kneecap.'

I paused looking at my friend with concern, having never seen Ellen radiate energy before, or vibrations. 'Easy girl, easy, it's ookay.' I kept my voice slow and soothing, like when I spoke to skittish animals in the wild.

Ellen took a deep breath, and the distortion stopped. She smiled. 'When I first heard, all the lights in the ward blew.'

'I'd have killed Mallory were I there when she shot Sarah.' I said coldly, nodding in understanding. 'Hitting her on the back of the head with the butt of the gun, striking her in the temple with the barrel, yeah. Shooting? Over the fucking line.'

'Well... I felt about the same. But to hear Sarah talk... the way she was lashing out... knowing Mallory and how fragile she can be... Well... I don't know.' Ellen's voice held traces of doubt and worry I could empathize with.

I shrugged, 'Too late now, I'm not about to hunt her down and rip out her throat, well not unless Sarah asks me to.' I smiled to show I was joking, well nearly, My eyes spoke the truth, that I would be only too pleased to kill at the request of those I called friend.

Ellen shook her head. 'No. You'd find another way if you could. So would I.'

'That might have been true a few months ago, but not now, Jenny was right, I need to accept myself, and I've accepted I'm too far gone.,' I admitted with a cold feeling of acceptance. 'If you, or Sarah, or others I call friend needed me to be the claws and teeth from the dark to give them peace of mind I would, will, because that's what it means to be friend, to do for them what they cannot do but need done.' What it means to enjoy the taste of death, I added silently.

Ellen nodded understanding. 'But we still try to find another way if we can. And yeah. They said Mallory was just trying to pull Sarah out of the fight because she'd lost it.,'

'I should probably carry a gun, it would make me less dangerous.' I said quietly leaning back thoughtful, wondering if a bullet delivered point blank to the brain would prove sufficient to over come my regeneration, With a sigh I drained my cup of coffee and glanced out the window.

'I feel bad for her, I want to help, but... I'm too much of a mess right now to help her without leading her down a very dark road, one I'm still trying to find my way to the end of.' I smiled reassuringly at Ellen, knowing I would end things well before I could bring harm to her, or others I called friend.

Ellen smiled, 'I understand. Don't worry. I'll be here as long as it takes.'

'After you get back to Greenwich I'll drop by, have raw steak and beer and we'll talk about Africa, maybe see what else might happen.' I winked slightly, hoping my promise of future meetings would keep her from worrying.

'Until then I should go, let you be there for Sarah and give her all your attention and energy.' I softened my voice as I spoke, trying to reassure my friend. 'I'd just get in the way, and make it harder to help her.'

'Besides, there's this dino dig in South America, they think they've found the skeletons of a bunch of Utah raptors, and if I don't pounce on the chance it'll pass me by.' I hadn't held a job at the museum in ages, but it sounded plausible enough I hoped she'd buy it.

Ellen kissed me on the cheek. 'You want Malcolm to drive you back home to New York?' She waggled her brows. 'Four hours stretched out in the back seat? Watch a little TV, drink some beer and champagne?'

I tossed the empty cup in the trash, the offer sounding deeply inviting. 'I'd like that, I just flew from Africa, and boy are my arms tired!' I laughed at the old joke, privately wishing I had flown after the stomach churning turbulence of that airplane flight.

'But, and this may sound silly, not alone. I've been alone too long, I know not with you, but maybe some friend of yours, hell anyone human in the back seat with me.' I blinked, surprised at voicing my desire for companionship, for someone to distract me from what I knew had to be done.

I sighed and shook my head not wanting Ellen to get the wrong idea. 'Not like an escort or something, just someone to watch tv and laugh with me, swap a few dirty jokes over the cold beers and just be human together for the last time.'

I waved a hand at Ellen's concerned look, mentally kicking myself for sabotaging my own exit. 'On second thought you know what, being alone with a television and the limo's mini bar sounds like a damn good way to unwind.' I lied, giving her what I hoped would pass for a tired smile.

'If I had company I'd talk, and say too much about all the stuff I shouldn't, and then they'd need therapy, and then their therapist would need therapy.' I giggled and looked for a bottle of scotch in the mini bar.

Ellen reached for the partition control 'Malcolm, will you please take Evelyn to New York? She'll give you the address. Then take the rest of the day and the morning. We can walk to the hotel and back.'

Malcolm confirmed, and Ellen gave me one last kiss on the cheek. 'Dinner when I get back to New York.'

'Count on it.' I turned my head to kiss her on the lips, holding back to make sure Ellen understood it was a kiss of trust, not lust. A final kiss goodbye.

She met the kiss openly, with a parting smile, then hopped out of the limo and shut the door as her phone chimed. She was pulling out her phone out just as the limo was beginning to pull away. Malcolm heading for the interstate as I began to contemplate the best way to shut things down.

After a moments pause I shifted into my dog form, stretching out on the seat and slipping out of the suddenly too large dress. At least I could be comfortable when I was alone, besides it was easier to think as an animal, there were fewer distractions.