An ebony flute(no magical properties)
Alastor stands about 5 feet, 11 inches. He has long black hair tied back in a ponytail. His eyes are a piercing blue and his skin tone is very light. He has a single scar on his left shoulder which he is sensitive to and tries not to let others know of it. His fingers are very long as well as being gentle and talented.
Alastor was the firstborn of a family of lesser nobility with a brother and a sister born soon after. He and his siblings grew up like the typical noble-born, with all the luxuries his parents could afford: high levels of schooling with lessons in law, music, combat, history, economics and manners; the best clothing and toys; as much food as he wanted; etc, etc, etc... Despite everything he was given, Alastor reserved most of his time for practicing his music, be it with the lute, the flute, the horn, the drum, or whatever other instrument he was in the mood for. On his eighteenth birthday, Alastor's father had a flute made for him of pure ebony with scrollwork on it spelling out 'To my son, the Musician. May your song never die.'
Shortly after being given the flute, Alastor's father began pushing the leadership and rulership aspects of his son's schooling, trying to get Alastor ready for taking over his place. Alastor began to realize that his life of music was about to end, and he hated the idea. He couldn't stand the thought of being placed as a ruler, having to direct lives. He went to his father to talk about it, suggesting that his brother, the next oldest, be allowed to rule in Alastor's place.
His father was furious. Never in the history of their family had someone shirked their responsibility to rule. The eldest male, or if there were no males the eldest female was the next in line to rule and they had always done so without a single argument. That Alastor would even suggest this was an insult to their ancestors. Without another word, Alastor's father drew his sword and sliced off Alastor's sash, cutting into his shoulder and denoucing him as a stranger, no longer a member of the Greyson line. Alastor left the family manor that evening, taking with him only his favorite sword, and the ebony flute.
Alastor is very sensitive about his expulsion from his family. He dearly loves his father and would like nothing more than to be reconciled with him. The scar reminds him of the night he was disowned and he is very selfconscious about it. He still has his flute, which he cherishes above all else.
In an attempt to do what he thinks his father would approve of, Alastor does what he can to help people who need it. He has been known to participate in the overthrowing of corrupted nobles, to play music for a wedding, funeral or other event, and help out in the defense of towns and villages from outside aggressors. He makes friends wherever he goes and is always well liked, though his estrangement from his family hangs over him like a cloud and is never far from his thoughts.
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? Responses (4)
Not a bad effort, but aside from the ebony flute, there is not much different from the standard prodigal son. I do think it seems odd that Alastor's father gave him exactly what he wanted, release from royal duty but with the addition of being disowned from the family.
Perhaps if his father had offered to take the idea under consideration, he could later, in a public ceremony (So the disgrace born by Alastor would be greater) be officially disowned, and exiled from the family holdings. He would have to live in the shadow of his own percieved or otherwise failure, plus a great number of people would know. Disowning an heir-apparent would be an event of some signifigance. The current post makes the father seem on one hand benevolent and wise with the giving of the flute and the inscription, and then he becomes the impulsive tyrant, raising a blade against his own blood.
Now, if the father had waited a few days and then had held a faux-funeral, complete with musical accompanyment, emphasising perhaps flute players as a final gift for his son who was now dead to him, now that would be wicked.
Otherwise, a hearty and solid 3/5
A pretty basic 2/5. It's a pretty regular 'oh-no-talented-noble-son-lost-his-birthright' story. *shrugs*
How it could be improved-
He could be made more special. There must be some other reason that he's unique? Secret magic power? Maybe he is actually the king's son, but was raised secretly in the noble's home?
I like the details you put in to the post and the ebony flute of course is the strength of this post. If you addressed some of the things mentioned by the previous two commentors I could see raising the grade, but for now it's a 3 to me :-)