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NPCs
Extras
Knowledge/Lore
1.8
5 Votes

-1xp


Hits: 2975
Comments: 6
Ideas: 0
Rating: 1.8
Condition: Normal
ID: 1039

Submitted:

Updated:
January 15, 2006, 2:24 pm

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Xander

By:

Do you know what this means? asked the healer, staring earnestly at the boy from beneath his bushy white eyebrows.

Xander shook his head, his lip trembling.

“No.”

The healer’s felt a rush of sympathy for the child. he reminded him of Shalleah somehow. 13 years was such a young age to die.

“You have but three months left.” he said slowly and softly. Each word rang solitarily through the room, and though they were whispered they had more impact then anything the young boy had ever heard before.

Special Equipment:

sword with blood memory ( ability to glow when a person whose blood it has tasted is nearby)

Appearance:

Xander:

Dark brown loose curls
honey-flecked deep brown eyes
tanned skin
nose dipps slightly upwards
has an awkward, lopsided grin
has a tallent for sword-play, archery, and JUGGLING
Sensitive, understanding, passionate



Background:

Xander is washed up on the coast of Mica Island and is discovered by a group of children playing on the beach. The Children bring his unconscious body to the the town healer, who heals Xander’s exterier wounds. However, when trying to heal deeper he finds that it isn’t possible. When Xander wakes up, the healer tells him that he has a terrible illness that he can’t place his finger on, and that he has only about three months to live. He asks him how he got this illness and if he knew what it was, but Xander had completely lost his memory. (ties in to story later) 

Roleplaying Notes:



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Comments ( 6 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

CaptainPenguin
October 14, 2004, 19:46
0xp
You mean there aren't any comments?

How this character could be improved:
He needs to have a backstory and a past. Don't tell us that Xander doesn't remember his memory. That's bad writing.
How did he get this sword with blood memory?
Is English your first language? I'd like to know before I go into your grammar.
I rate it a...

2/5.
Veritasg
October 14, 2004, 20:28
0xp
Thanks for the tips. (:

There are a few things I have to set straight though in the areas of memory loss. Throughout the story he has dreams that eventually merge into the present tense. At the end of the book he finally realizes who is really is. It is kind of sad what happens. I especially like the part where he wakes up in the hospital bed with a sprig of Lavender in his hand.
Veritasg
October 14, 2004, 20:29
0xp
A lot of things happen, and it would take me FOREVER to write everything down.
MoonHunter
October 15, 2004, 11:06
0xp
We are a patient bunch. Please feel free to keep editing the character until it is complete.

1) Even if your character does not remember, include the highlights of their life. Things will come back to haunt you. Especially if you have exceptional skills and equipment, those had to come from somewhere or someone. Those people might still have "business" with the character.

2) Again, where did the sword come from? (Cool bit with the blood memory).

3) If English is not your native language, then feel free to write up the entry in your native tongue, then go to altavista or similar translation site and do a basic translation. Then go through and "fix" it with your knowledge of what you wanted to say and English.

4) Details, Details, Details. We need details to better understand the character. Without them, the character is mostly useless to those who read it. (Now on a story site, it would be no to bad.. but here it is).

Details show that you actually cared about your post, enough to invest a little time and effort into it. Without them (or an explanation as to why they are not there), posts look, "dashed off". If it appears the poster does not care, why should any of the commenters or readers?

I am going to withold voting until you can update it some more.
Voted Strolen
April 20, 2008, 8:51
0xp
Man, that intro had me hooked! If you could give us what you alluded with the sickness I think there would be a great post in there!
Voted valadaar
April 15, 2014, 14:52
0xp
Great hook, no line or sinker...


Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

Hu's Iron Ball

       By: Murometz

Hu was an ambassador of the Seventh Emperor of the Reng Dynasty. Throughout his life he traveled across many miles and lands to entreaty with neighboring kingdoms and the semi-savages who dwelled amidst the Metal Mountains.

During one such diplomatic mission, Hu was gifted a small iron marble as a gesture, by a shaman of the Kiy-Kiy tribe. Little else is known of Hu, but that marble was lost and is now somewhere out there for someone to find.

A tiny, shiny sphere, the marble has several properties. First and foremost it is a strong magnet, considerably stronger than its size and density would indicate.

Secondly, if thrown or rolled upon the ground and the command word is spoken, the iron ball will magically enlarge to either the size of an ogres's head or to that of a great globe, twelve feet in diameter. The rolling ball of either size will continue to roll or fly at the same relative speed it was when launched as a marble, and can thus cause great damage to anything in its path. The magnetic power of the ball will also magnify when enlarged.

Legends claim that the ball has been tossed from besieged castles upon attacking foes and rolled at marching armies in ages past. At the end of such rolls, the larger size globe has been known to not only crush soldiers underfoot, but to also "collect" many dozens of metallic weapons and bits of armor unto itself, appearing as an armored sphere, with swords and spears sticking out from it in all directions.

Owning this powerful marble has its drawbacks. Anyone carrying it on their person, will experience the iron ball's insidious effects after some time. The owner feels no worse for wear, but after two month's time they will suddenly awaken one morning to find that their hair has fallen out completely, their teeth loosened like baby's teeth ready to drop, and their fingernails simply shriveled and sliding off the fingers and toes. Perhaps unbeknownst to the owner at first, the iron ball also renders an owner sterile or barren by this time.

Regular clerical healing will not reverse this horrible malady. Only finding and beseeching a shaman of the Kiy-Kiy tribe to heal the iron ball's effects with their particular brand of magic, will work.

Hu's Iron Ball should be handled carefully by players and gms.

Ideas  ( Items ) | March 8, 2014 | View | UpVote 3xp


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