0xp Okay, PenDragon... once more from the top.

Spelling, Pass. Punctuation. Fail. Capitalization. Barely pass. Grammer, Fail.

Have you been reading any of our advice on your characters? Before you post again, could you please look over a few four or five star characters to see what we are looking for.

Your characters have potential, they are just so badly executed that it is annoying.

First: We need to know enough about the character to incorporate it into our games. If you add something that is not generic (Platinum Knights for example), you need to explain it.

Your Appearance listings are too sparse. Your description defines a serious chunck of population rather than an individual because it is not well defined.

Second: Characters need enough history/ background that we can understand their motivations. This is like listing Aragorn as "A prince who reclaims his throne after years of being away." There is not enough here for us to understand how interesting your character might be.

Character descriptions should flow logically, hit a main point in chronological order, fill it out with some details, move on. The formula is simple. Use it.

This character comes close to meeting our gold standard: "Is the character well developed and interesting enough as any character in a good fantasy novel (that is not a WotC/ TSR campaign novel)?" If you could not see this character being a major character in a novel, then it is not ready to be posted. Add more details and develop its history a bit more.