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NPCs
Major
Combative
1.13
4 Votes

-3xp


Hits: 4076
Comments: 5
Ideas: 0
Rating: 1.125
Condition: Normal
ID: 970

Submitted:

Updated:
December 13, 2005, 6:19 pm

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Pakint

By:

He is 972 years old and has a wife. He congregates with any good creature and will help any one in need. He is a good black smith and can work with most meterials.

Special Equipment:

He has a ring of protection +2

Appearance:

Silvery skin, green eyes, and brown hair. He is 5’9” tall and weighs about 163lbs. He wears a disquise when fighting other evil dragons so as to get an element of surprise. Most other times he wears normal clothes.

Background:

He first became a platinum knight after being sent on a mission by a gold dragon in the guise of a wealthy noble who he there after discovered and plegged his loyalty to. Her name was Zudin Shius. He has taken many an adventure with her to rid the world of evil creatures. He spends most of his time fighting Tiamats minions. When not doing that hes practicing magic, sword fighting, or spending time with his wife.

Roleplaying Notes:

A platinum knight is basicaly a palidin type caracter that helps good aligned dragons fight evil. Blacksmithing is a side hobby that he uses to get money and repair his equipment.



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Comments ( 5 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

CaptainPenguin
April 15, 2004, 18:16
0xp
So...Is he a blacksmith or a "platinum knight"?
Is this what passes for a backstory? Really?

1/5.
MoonHunter
April 16, 2004, 3:10
0xp
Okay, PenDragon... once more from the top.

Spelling, Pass. Punctuation. Fail. Capitalization. Barely pass. Grammer, Fail.

Have you been reading any of our advice on your characters? Before you post again, could you please look over a few four or five star characters to see what we are looking for.

Your characters have potential, they are just so badly executed that it is annoying.

First: We need to know enough about the character to incorporate it into our games. If you add something that is not generic (Platinum Knights for example), you need to explain it.

Your Appearance listings are too sparse. Your description defines a serious chunck of population rather than an individual because it is not well defined.

Second: Characters need enough history/ background that we can understand their motivations. This is like listing Aragorn as "A prince who reclaims his throne after years of being away." There is not enough here for us to understand how interesting your character might be.

Character descriptions should flow logically, hit a main point in chronological order, fill it out with some details, move on. The formula is simple. Use it.

This character comes close to meeting our gold standard: "Is the character well developed and interesting enough as any character in a good fantasy novel (that is not a WotC/ TSR campaign novel)?" If you could not see this character being a major character in a novel, then it is not ready to be posted. Add more details and develop its history a bit more.
Voted Mourngrymn
November 2, 2005, 13:38
Only voted
Voted Drackler
April 4, 2006, 17:30
0xp
Alright, I'm not exactly the best poster, but I can see some problems with this one. Namely:
1)His race, what is it?
2)As Moon said, the platinum knight thing.
Voted valadaar
January 14, 2014, 10:54
0xp
Not the greatest for sure, but there is the germ of something here.

Freetext



Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

The Candle-Eyed Man

       By: Murometz

The third son of a candle-maker, and secretly a spy, Tsiao Fong Wei betrayed his family, clan, and town to the merciless Qongg Dynasty, causing the deaths of his own family members. He survived to an old age hiding out in the country side and keeping a low profile. One day however, the “Paper Knife” finally found Tsiao Fong Wei , and exacted his revenge on behalf of the folk, dead and tortured.

After a furious struggle, the “Paper Knife” plunged twin burning candles into the eyes of the traitorous old man and laughed, as Tsiao Fong Wei howled in dismay and pain. Some say Tsiao Fong Wei died that day. Others say that the old man somehow escaped despite his sudden anguish and utter blindness.

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Ideas  ( Lifeforms ) | December 6, 2013 | View | UpVote 4xp


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