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30 Ways to become a Zombie

By:

From the flesh eaters to the harmless - or armless - corpse, zombies all over!

WARNING: A google search of some of the terms contained herein may contain picture unsuitable for children or those with a weak stomach. It will also definitely be NSFW.

Human Survivability Prognosis explained

Human Survivability Prognosis (HSP) measures how likely it is for modern civilisation to survive an outbreak of Zombies. This is not the danger posed by an infected individual, but the danger posed to modern civilisation as a whole.

1. Paenibacillus Haemophil Furoris

Apocalyptic risk:

HSP:

Personal danger level:

Virulence:

Notes:

Advisory


The Biohazards

1. Haemophilus Furoris

AKA: Transmissible Rage, T-Rage, having the furries

Apocalyptic risk: Low to moderate with appropriate measures

HSP: Moderately optimistic (Even if civilisation collapses, humanity as a species is most likely to thrive handsomely with its newfound aggression)

Personal danger level: Very Low to low.

Virulence: High to extreme.

Notes:The Gram-Negative Paenibacillus Heamophilus Furoris is responsible for the creation of so called "Furries". The disease concentrates in the central nervous system and the epidermis. The initial vector is believed to be the domesticated honey bee. The disease is noted mainly for its cognitive and psychiatric effects. The subjects of infection show both an increased social drive, as well as extreme aggresivity. Formally, the infected are not dead, and retain mental faculties, including the use of complex tools. Restrained infectees have been surprisingly coherent (They retain their learned speech ability) when they realise that they are imcapable of movement. Also notable, the social drive is extremely strong, this leads to infected banding together in feral packs. In their condition, the infected cannot (or do not care to) make the distinction between sufferers of the disease and healthy humans. The disease does cause increased appettite, but this is believed to be a secondary effect resulting from increased metabolic rates due to the induced aggresive response.

Early symptoms include sleepiness, frigophilia (cold seeking) and photophobia, where the infected will seek damp, cool places to rest within approximately 72hrs of contracting the disease. After a short coma (a few days) during wich flat, broad, whitish, wart-like lesions develop all over the body, the victim will awaken with initial irritability, quickly turning to aggression, and finally to irrational rage. The lesions are extremely contagious, even to unbroken skin. Hair growth is also unexplicably increased on the lesions, giving the colloquial name of "furry" to an infectee. Interestingly, body fluids from victims are not particularly infectious.

It is important to note that while extremely violent, the infected remain capable of breeding (although the overall growth rate remains low, due to infectee's high death rate from aggresive behaviour), making this threat particularly difficult to eradicate. It will be neccessary to hunt the infected down to the last.

Advisory The danger posed by the infected is fairly low, since they suffer from the same shortcomings as any humans. Pain response is lessened, but remains nonetheless. Aversion to heat and light can be handily exploited by using fire. Even so, encounters with unarmed affected should be treated similarly to a face off with a rabid, knife-weilding human. Leaving without physical confrontation is possible, but highly unlikekly. The infected are out for blood. Recommendation is for extermination using ranged weapons. Avoid close physical contact with exposed lesions and skin at all cost. Thankfully, packs of infected are often far too busy with infighting to notice uninfected humans. The disease responds well to antibiotic treatment, including injections of penicillin and derivatives. It is unfortunate indeed that the infected are too violent to cure, but preventative measures can be taken successfully in case of exposure.


1. Paenibacillus Haemophil Furoris

Apocalyptic risk:

HSP:

Personal danger level:

Virulence:

Notes:

Advisory


1. Paenibacillus Haemophil Furoris

Apocalyptic risk:

HSP:

Personal danger level:

Virulence:

Notes:

Advisory


1. Paenibacillus Haemophil Furoris

Apocalyptic risk:

HSP:

Personal danger level:

Virulence:

Notes:

Advisory


1. Paenibacillus Haemophil Furoris

Apocalyptic risk:

HSP:

Personal danger level:

Virulence:

Notes:

Advisory


1. Paenibacillus Haemophil Furoris

Apocalyptic risk:

HSP:

Personal danger level:

Virulence:

Notes:

Advisory


1. Paenibacillus Haemophil Furoris

Apocalyptic risk:

HSP:

Personal danger level:

Virulence:

Notes:

Advisory


1. Paenibacillus Haemophil Furoris

Apocalyptic risk:

HSP:

Personal danger level:

Virulence:

Notes:

Advisory:


30. The Christmas Zombie

Apocalyptic risk: High to extreme

HSP: Abysmal chance of human survival in affected areas

Personal danger level: High to extreme

Virulence: Dependent upon cultural resilience factor

Notes: The Christmas Zombie can be immediately recognised by several key characteristics. These are: Foaming at the mouth, baggy eyes, disheveled appearance, ragged hairs and dirty/messy clothing. While the appearance is very distinctive, by far the most telling sign of infection is the strange behaviour exhibited by victims of this plague.

This dangerous disease is a dormant infection of undetermined origin, and remains asymptomatic most of the year. However, approximetely once a year, the victim's behaviour will change for the worse. Truly heartbreaking is that the infected will think that they are acting rationally throughout the symptomatic phases, regardless of all contrary evidence. Chief amongst symptoms is the seeking of so called "gifts". As the infection progresses, the seeking behaviour increases to fever pitch, and the infected will spend countless hours scouring their evironment for the items they seek. This phase of the disease is accompanied by extreme irritation, and the ability to fall into a state of irrational rage when facing minor obstacles, such as traffic jams, or other infected. Indeed, the infected are often willing to initiate violence to acquire the items they seek if these are in limited supply.

Once the gift seeking period is over, the infected will then fall into a state of fictitious cheer for a certain period of time. In fact, when questioned, the infected will often confess to feelings of frustration and anger, but will irrationally try to hide these at all cost. These feelings are often accompanied by gatherings of similarly infected blood relatives. These gathering often occur only at this time of the year, and are a constant source of conflict amongst already highly strung infected.

It is believed that the infection is spread mostly via the electromagnetic radiation, particularly through radio waves. Recent studies show that certain sound will also worsen the symptoms. Songs that include such sounds and that are confirmed to worsen the condition include "Jingle Bells", "All I want for Christmas is You", "Let it snow!", and "Silent night". These songs are believed to have been written while in the deep throes of the disease, and are an evolutionary mechanism by the infection to further transmit itself.

Advisory: Currently, there is no known cure against this terrible affliction. For the sake of safety, it is advised to retreat as far as possible from infected areas during the symptomatic season. Cutting yourself from all forms of transmission (radio, TV, Internet, etc...) is the only way to guarantee that the dormant infection will not be awakened. If you find yourself stranded in an infected area, especially areas with high infected density, such as shopping malls, the most effective solution is to curl up in a doorway and block you ears from the dangerous sounds. Using a portable music player at high volume to drown out the transmission of harmful sounds will work well. We recommend Megadeth or Dragonforce.



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