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June 23, 2014, 2:13 am

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Cheka Man

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Tools of madness


Created by the god of madness, one must be at least a little insane to be able to use them. These tools cause much confusion to those that see them in action and are guaranteed to cause misunderstandings.

Blade of healing: This claymore of warped design looks quite deadly with apparently razor sharp edges. But in the hands of someone mad it will heal wherever it would cut. Great wounds will be magically healed by swinging it. If done fast enough even a head/limb may be reattached. But only in the hands of a madman, in anybody else it’s just a sharp claymore. There are tails of “healers” appearing and running around after a battle wildly flinging the sword on the fallen. These poor, misunderstood, helpful souls don’t usually live long enough to use their own weapon on themselves.

Sledgehammer of fine repair: The gnome upon inspecting the broken watch picks up a sledgehammer and promptly brings it down upon the fine machinery. Not only does it not hurt the delicate gears it actually repairs them. But the sledgehammer only works for delicate repairs; a wall would get the opposite treatment.

Fungi/rust of building repair: This fungus heals the wooden structure and this rust regenerates the metals in large buildings. The effects work over night and anyone who knows about buildings will be convinced that these are the varieties that actually hurt the buildings by corroding them. Good luck convincing the chief architect why you are rubbing that slime on his building.

Scissors of mending: Nicely mends thorn or cut things with a reverse scissor cutting motion. There remains no sign that anything ever happened.

Torch of de-incineration: Keeping the torch pressed to ashes it starts to regenerate the material that was once burned. Dropping it on a campfire will generate firewood, stirring cooked food will make it raw again and leaving it next to an urn will make you have to explain the corpse…

Cristal ball of never going to happen: This tool of telling the future is very accurate. It will tell you an event close to the future you are interested in that will not happen under any circumstance. A group planning city wide arson will not find out about their plan being a success but might see a little orphanage intact. There may be hundreds of reasons why this might happen this way, the group failing in their task, wind blowing away, rain, being protected by a group of adventurers, home of a demon etc. But try as they might the group cannot change this fixed event in the future.

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Comments ( 3 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Cheka Man
June 19, 2014, 17:41
Very funny. It needs the silly tag.
Voted Kassy
June 20, 2014, 12:01
I second Cheka, add the Silly freetext. Some good opposite effects.
Voted Murometz
September 30, 2014, 20:32

Humorous actually. And in some cases powerful. All kinds of fun scenarios spring to mind. Plus I simply like the idea of magic items for the insane. New niche!!


Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

Walk without rhythm and you'll never learn.

       By: axlerowes

Arakis's zombie problem went largely ignored, because it was believed that the Shai-Hulud (sand worms) would effectively dispose of the undead walkers. Unfortunately the problem grew until the roving herds of sunburnt ghouls threatened the flow of spice. While observing one of the great reanimated masses over take a Harvester from the safety of an ornithopter, an Imperial Zoologists noted that the sand caked flesh eating revenants walked entirely without rhythm.

Shortly after receiving this report the Bene Gesserits claimed to have a solution to Arakis's hellish resurrections. They asserted to the agents of the great houses that the worms could be drawn to the walkers using an ancient sonic weapon. According to the sisters, exposing the zombies to an antediluvian ballad composed by the great master M. Jackson would force them to step in time.

Ideas  ( Plots ) | March 12, 2014 | View | UpVote 6xp

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